Larry David
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
“The one thing I respect about Larry David is his complete lack of understanding of Jewish culture.”
~ Hitler on Larry David
“Hey, do I get an article but my father doesn't? I don't understand that. What, like I'm so much better than my father? Ooooh, get out of the way, Larry David's here! What's the difference? I try to write an article about my father, and you scoff! You scoffed, didn't you?”
~ Larry David doing stand-up in his bathroom, his current venue
“Yeah, he's pretty funny.”
~ Jerry Seinfeld on Larry David
Larry David is the bastard lovechild of Jennifer Lopez and Hugh Hefner. When the Polish Corridor was established during the Great Depression in 1928, Larry David was born. He then went on to become a male prostitute and roamed the streets of London until he lost both pinky toes to gangrene in 1950. In the summer of 1969, he is known to have urinated on Neil Armstrong during the filming of the moon landing that David directed from a secret Hollywood studio backlot.
During the 1970s David was a stand-up comedian in New York City, along with his friend Art Vandelay, known for berating his heckling audience even before he got to tell his jokes onstage. Although it is said that David worked briefly for Saturday Night Live, according to some, it was really Larry David's more retarded twin brother (Zelig David, born 1928) who showed up to the 30 Rock offices every day. He also worked on the SNL knock-off Fridays, where he wrote the most racist comedy sketches in TV history for his friend, Kramer. Years later in 1988, Larry David wrote, directed and starred in the hit X-rated adult film Steinfield after dropping acid and believing he was Stanley Kubrick's detached brain. This was later to become the successful, legendary NBC-TV show Seinfeld (1990) in a more G-rated, watered-down version.
Contents |
[edit] Steinfield
The synopsis of the film as quoted from liner notes (2002 re-release on DVD) goes as follows:
"Jerry Steinfield, a Texan bear, runs into a mad scientist who makes him into a Korean woman, which makes him drive slow. The bear then goes on a craxy [sic] adventure through the streets of Manhattan, Illinois and eats several small children. The one and only sex scene is at the very end, where Larry David jumps through a window on a chandelier and engages in anal sex with the newly transformed woman."
[edit] Curb Your Minorities (2000)
Curb Your Minorities (recently banned in Mexico) is Larry David's latest television venture. He has departed from the porn industry and is taking a more disgusting approach to television comedy for elitist Nazis living in Manhattan and The Hamptons, with characters based in the city of Los Angeles and its Hollywood industry. The premise of Curb Your Minorities is a simple one: Larry David and his Chinese daughter (played by Julia Louis-Dreyfus) travel the streets in a pickup truck, searching for immigrants. Upon locating immigrants, David will attack and attempt to curb-stomp them until they die of massive blood loss (hence the "Curb" in the title, and the "Minorities" he is jacking in broad daylight). The show was filmed on Samsung cell phones, but since David kept smashing hundreds of them in anger, while being unable to upload his episodes on YouTube, he now films in film. Some critics claim this is impossible, and that there is in fact no such show, since it's not found on YouTube. But David claims that he is producing Curb, and that his detractors are "...lying fools. They're duller than a ... dull knife."
[edit] Larry David, 2008
The thing about Larry David is, well, that's the thing. Mr. David's jokes are prettay, prettay, prettay, prettay, prettay, prettay good, and that's the real thing. You see, it's not this, but that, that's the thing. Mr. David's outstanding achievement is the invention of ridiculing women with huge vaginas. While women are always ready to point out a sub-par, tiny penis, the large stature of the female's genitalia is largely overlooked. As Mr. David acknowledges, this is not right. This is why, in 1879, Mr. David invented the "Ye Olde Huge Vagina Detector", a state-of-the-art machine which can pinpoint an above-average size vagina from far away, ensuring these perpetrating huge-vagina'd women get their just desserts.
In 2000, Larry's invention, the "Ye Olde Huge Vagina Detector" went huge. It actually made more money than Larry's hit sitcom, "Sein-huge-vagina-field" ever did. With this shocking new popularity, Larry decided to stop production of Sein-huge, and instead rode the coattails of the success of Ye Olde Huge Vagina Detector. Note: The "Huge Vagina" skit was ripped off, verbatim, by fuckedcompany.com.
Also part of The Baked Bald Eagle Society. David is also a distant relative of Ian the Drunk from The Howard Stern Show.
