Laptop

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This is not a laptop.

Note: This article is about a Sexy nerd subject. For information on President Bill Clinton's lap, see Monica "Laptop" Lewinsky.

Notebook redirects here. For the less sexy subject, go write the article Notebook (not the sexy nerd subject).

“Laptop is good.”

~ Anna Kournikova on Laptop

“Laptop helps me everywhere I go.”

~ Osama Bin Laden on Laptop

“I know it's not a TV But hey when it shows cartoons call me.”

~ Giorgakis Papandreou (Wanabee Greek president) on Laptop

“And then there's the Lappy- which rules over technology with a 42 pound, allegedly portable fist.”

~ Strong Bad on his Laptop

a notebook is not a laptop, it is the fucking opposite tim you boy fucker, your wrong cheese balls. so suck my hairy ballsack and lick my pubes, cheese munch face, arse raper, cockshiner cockmuppet, fucktardshitstick -douchemonger twat assclown, Douchenugget, dicknose shitbag numbnuts buttmunch,

      A laptop (AKA mobile porn unit or MPU for short) is a three dimensional form of the magic box that can be carry around to satisfy the needs of some world's notable users, such as Osama Bin Laden, Former human Saddam Hussein and Condoleezza Rice. Different with the bigger computers, laptop is portable. Common examples of laptop colours including black, silver, grey, blue and sometimes red, because it actually depends on the user's mood. The size of a laptop is usually around 20 x 20 x 1 centimetres, so people can bring up to 4 to 6 laptops anywhere they go. 

Since laptops don't have any access to electricity, common laptops drain energy from the users' body, making the user stressed, so they will smack their laptops and buy new ones. This form of business strategy is known as the BULABANO (pronounced in a bit Spanish). "Bang Your Laptop And Buy A New One".

[edit] Categories

In the current decade, laptops are divided into categories based on the sizes, and most people think that the smaller the laptop, the better it is. That is so weak: were it true, the Nintendo DS would be the best laptop in the world, ever.

The AX-2582P, for footballers and basketballers.

The FG-22X, for Hulk Hogan kind of people.

[edit] Parts of a laptop

A brief parts of a laptop.

“Keep trying to open the screen until you hear a "crack" sound.”

~ Some engineer on Laptop

In order to make a laptop works, one really needs to have these following things.

[edit] A table

Generally referred as the "docking stations", a table is very useful to keep the laptop on it's place, like a study table, T table, cosmetics table and other tables you can think of. The term was invented by some scientists in the University of Sportsmanship while they were watching some Star Trek episodes. if you want to get the laptop to work, just call Brenden Goldsmith on 61448421851, he will have sex with it

[edit] Fancy lights

You will never know that your laptop is on until you see those fancy lights. Most laptops have green lights, which is good because red tells you something goes very wrong, like those lights in a spacecraft. Orange or yellow are good too, they are less serious, but still green is better. These lights are also good in case you bring your laptop to a cave, where there is no light whatsoever. This could cause a grue to eat you.

[edit] Stickers

Stickers are good for advertising's sake. Often when you buy a new laptop, the store put many stickers on it, like "Customer Care - 02341245", "Designed for Windows XP", "Wanna chat??", "Vote for Bush", "Nothing Inside", "Click here", "Wanna Chat??" and other sorts of thing.

[edit] Manufacturers

Charles Babbage's invention of the laptop in 1829 was not a commercial success due to 'portability problems'.

[edit] Uses

It is common to throw a laptop to a dark red water.

There are, really, many things one can do with a laptop.

• See porn.
• Change diaper.
• Say hello to people on a train.
• More Porn
• Prevent earthquakes.
• Have breakfast.
• Lesbian Porn
• Have an imaginary sex with Angelina Jolie.*
• Watch Sexy Blonde Lesbian Porn

(*) terms and conditions apply.

[edit] Criticisms

Laptops are the "whipping boy" of society, if there is something that doctors, politicians, vicors etc. can't figure out, or need to blame something quickly, they blame it on the laptop, examples include:

• The Iraq war was caused by laptops.
• Hepititus C was caused by laptops.
• Foot & Mouth was caused by laptops.
• Jack the Ripper used a laptop to plan his attacks.
• Osama Bin Laden uses a laptop to play Pac-Man.
• Yo Mama was caused by laptops
• The Great Kumquat Famine was, according to Fox news, caused by laptops

Laptops also contain a source of [[LCD], which can have powerful psychoactive effects.

[edit] In popular culture

In this new millenium, almost everyone has had at least one laptop. Furthermore, movie directors, producers, writers and actors are incorporating these laptops to their new movies and other arts.

• David Beckham always carry his laptop.
• Mac laptops are popular because of its color.
• In "Happy Emo", emos are dancing with their laptops.
• Harry Potter stops using blood to write something, instead he uses laptops.