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This is not a laptop.

“Laptop is good.”
~ Anna Kournikova on Laptop

A laptop (AKA mobile porn unit or MPU for short) is a three dimensional form of the magic box that can be carry around to satisfy the needs of some world's notable users, such as Osama Bin Laden, Former human Saddam Hussein and Condoleezza Rice. Different with the bigger computers, laptop is portable. Common examples of laptop colours including black, silver, grey, blue and sometimes red, because it actually depends on the user's mood. The size of a laptop is usually around 20 x 20 x 1 centimetres, so people can bring up to 4 to 6 laptops anywhere they go.

Since laptops don't have any access to electricity, common laptops drain energy from the users' body, making the user stressed, so they will smack their laptops and buy new ones. This form of business strategy is known as the BULABANO (pronounced in a bit Spanish). "Bang Your Laptop And Buy A New One".

edit Categories

In the current decade, laptops are divided into categories based on the sizes, and most people think that the smaller the laptop, the better it is. That is so weak: were it true, the Nintendo DS would be the best laptop in the world, ever.


The AX-2582P, for footballers and basketballers.


The FG-22X, for Hulk Hogan kind of people.

edit Parts of a laptop

Transparent laptop 1

A brief parts of a laptop.

“Keep trying to open the screen until you hear a "crack" sound.”
~ Some engineer on Laptop

In order to make a laptop works, one really needs to have these following things.

edit A table

Generally referred as the "docking stations", a table is very useful to keep the laptop on it's place, like a study table, T table, cosmetics table and other tables you can think of. The term was invented by some scientists in the University of Sportsmanship while they were watching some Star Trek episodes.

edit Fancy lights

You will never know that your laptop is on until you see those fancy lights. Most laptops have green lights, which is good because red tells you something goes very wrong, like those lights in a spacecraft. Orange or yellow are good too, they are less serious, but still green is better. These lights are also good in case you bring your laptop to a cave, where there is no light whatsoever. This could cause a grue to eat you.

edit Stickers

Stickers are good for advertising's sake. Often when you buy a new laptop, the store put many stickers on it, like "Customer Care - 02341245", "Designed for Windows XP", "Wanna chat??", "Vote for Bush", "Nothing Inside", "Click here", "Wanna Chat??" and other sorts of thing.

Laptop is broken oh no!

A quality laptop.

edit Manufacturers

  • Hell-A-Slow
  • TrAcer
  • Red Apple - MacBook and MacBook Pro
  • A-Shoosh
  • Bank-Q
  • Jujitsu Computer - Lifebook, FMV - BiBlo, Amilo, Amilo Pro
  • Jewlett-Packard - HP Pavilion and HP Omnibook
  • LinuXXX
  • NECK Corporation - VERSA, LaVie
  • PanaSonic The Hedgehog aka Painasonic
  • Somesong
  • Sharp Edge Corporation - Mebius
  • Tony (Phony) - VAIO, C Series JRE
  • Moshingba - Dynabook, Equium, Moshingba Portege, Tecra, Satellite notebook, Qosmio, Libretto


Charles Babbage's invention of the laptop in 1829 was not a commercial success due to 'portability problems'.

edit Uses


It is common to throw a laptop to a dark red water.

There are, really, many things one can do with a laptop.

  • See porn.
  • Collect strange particles you never knew existed.
  • Change diaper.
  • Say hello to people on a train.
  • More Porn
  • Prevent earthquakes.
  • Have breakfast.
  • Lesbian Porn
  • Have an imaginary sex with Angelina Jolie.*
  • Watch Sexy Blonde Lesbian Porn
  • Watch Porn Then Delete Your History
                          * Watch Porn In The Car
                          * Watch Porn In A Plane
                          * Watch Porn In Your Maths GCSE's
                           (*) terms and conditions apply.

edit Criticisms

Laptops are the "whipping boy" of society, if there is something that doctors, politicians, vicors etc. can't figure out, or need to blame something quickly, they blame it on the laptop, examples include:

  • The Iraq war was caused by laptops.
  • Hepititus C was caused by laptops.
  • Foot & Mouth was caused by laptops.
  • Jack the Ripper used a laptop to plan his attacks.
  • Obnoxious teenagers who talk to their parents like shit were caused by laptops.
  • Osama Bin Laden uses a laptop to play Pac-Man.
  • Yo Mama was caused by laptops
  • The Great Kumquat Famine was, according to Fox news, caused by laptops
  • Erectile Dysfunction was caused by laptops

Laptops also contain a source of LCD, which can have powerful psychoactive effects.

edit In popular culture

In this new millenium, almost everyone has had at least one laptop. Furthermore, movie directors, producers, writers and actors are incorporating these laptops to their new movies and other arts.

  • David Beckham always carry his laptop.
  • Mac laptops are popular because of its color.
  • In "Happy Emo", emos are dancing with their laptops.
  • Harry Potter stops using blood to write something, instead he uses laptops.

edit Making Of a Laptop

Most people think that a laptop is a mechanical device. It is not. Laptops are cyber/organic alien lifeforms which landed on the planet in secret. They feed on souls, eventually making their host so obsessed/stressed with it that either they are destroyed (end of a laptop's life cycle)or upgraded. They reproduce by eventually laying their eggs into the host, who is converted slowly into a laptop over a painful period of four months.

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