Land alligators

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Land alligators, found in northwest dakota are the most dangerous mammals known to man. Although at first glance they may seem freindly, they infact are a hulking mass of teeth, muscle and rage. Their lockjaw has a 300% fatality rate and combined with them 15,000rpm death roll, escape with your limbs and live is impossible. The first land alligator was discovered by Keith Chegwin in 1907 when he was walking his cat in the hat,they wandered across one of the angriest land alligators in the universe, both died forever and are sadly missed.

Land Alligators are responsible for all these things

Land Alligator

Bobo the worlds first land alligator

edit Habbits

The land alligators migratory path is completely random, it has been known that 1 land alligator swam to New York from the port of cork to live out its childhood dream of starting in a broadway musical, sadly the director said that he didn't not have "the pisazz" and he was killed on opening night mysteriously. Police at the scene only found bite marks on the body andevidence of rolling at high velocity, all police on the scene were then killed in similar fashion.

My habbit is getting drunk that is all...Whats yours?

Well Aliigators are very gay. And there habit is to eat other alligators tails while they are being gay and bathing. AT THE SAME TIME!!!!!!GOT IT?!?!?!?!?!

My habit is to make you think that i think that you think that others think that pie is really just bread... with crumbs.... and icing.... oh and fruit. yea.

Of course, it only makes sense that these so called "Land Alligators" are actually purple donkeys in disguise...of course...i mean. Gay purple donkeys =)

edit Sexual Tendencies

When land alligators mate, they mate forever. The male land alligator is a loving creature who cares for his many mates and proctect them to the death, a female land alligator will usually lay up to 30 eggs at a time in there underground cellar where no human has ever been, it's just to dangerous.

When a male land alligator mounts a female he takes a firm grip of her neck with his teeth, unfortunately then his jaw locks and has to fight the temptation to roll with all his might. This could explain the gradual decline in the female land alligator population.

Also in recent constituents, Land Alligators have been known to indugle in such things as a lovely pair of slacks and the recent Stock exchange prices for Orange Mobile. This is proved by the fact that land aligators have precariously delicious eyes, that can asplode your head with just a wink of their evervescnet eyelashes. Currently, it is believed that 32.5% of all land alligators are either Gay fully, are a just a little bicurious. This percentage, looking at transgresional gradient forecasts show that the non-reproducing community (gays) are on the rise. and if left unchecked, could extinct the entire species of land alligators. For Good.

Land alligators do it however they can get it. Being able to reproduce both sexually and asexually they can never be stopped. Rape is fast but painful because they're just so damn thorough. Basically don't ever consent to a land alligator. Unless you are a female land alligator, because land alligators (female land alligators) have a voracious sexual appetite and enjoy being forked by everything and once. When a land alligators becomes pregnant is gives birth to 36 "eggs" then chooses the best 3 and eats the rest or sacrifices them to the all-powerful Oscar Wilde.Alligators actully like cupcakes and muffins. They are there tastiest snack!Yum I say to them! Go gay alligator republic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :3

edit Physiology

Due to the Land Alligator consisting nearly purely of muscle, they are extremely suceptible to violent cramping. Although doctors advise them to drink plenty of water due to their high almost superhuman levels of muscle, they choose to ignore this advise and carry on eating and mauling people to death without care. Famous land alligators include badger from bodger and badger, who is thought to be homosexual in many land alligator circles and was cast out to live with the humans, not all land alligators love mashed potato the normal favourite food of the land alligator is KFC due to the amount of bbq boneless bites they can consume in one huge muscular, lockjaw mouthful.

On the outside the land alligator is one giant singular mass of animated muscle but its only weakness its its underside where there is no protection at all its organs are suspended their only by the fear. If they touch the ground and the land alligator detects them they will fall foul of the terrible lockjaw and certain death.

A million Scientists have pondered for 800 years that if a land alligator ate its own stomach where would it go? Straight to hell thats where along with Princess Diana and that Jesus guy. Not one of the one million scientists has had the balls to ask a land alligator if this happens...and niether have i fuck that

A land alligator lays eggs despite being a cold blooded mammal, it is similar to a duck billed platypus but not at all and a lot more bad ass

edit Origins

It is widley thought that land alligators were created when Adolf Hitler made a bet with Optimus Prime that he couldnt make a Human woman pregnant, Optimus then went on to fuck and kill the entire population of some shit island that no one remembers. On hearing the news that an entire race of people has been destroyed without him having any involment Chuck Norris attempted to roundhouse kick Optimus into the sun but Megatron (wanting to be the only person to destroy Optimus Prime) Threw a disgruntled Badger into the path of the oncoming kick sending the badger on a collison course with Orions belt. In a seemingly strange twist of events a group of crocodiles were having there annual trampoline party and mid jump one unfortunate croc collided with the flying badger so fast that the two became one hole digging, lock jaw death rolling machine

Another common theory is that Badger from the animals of farthing wood had a mid-life crisis bought himself a mazda mx5 and started going to the gym to attract hot badger chicks, he eventually fell into the wrong crowd and started getting pumped on steroids making him a very angry badger indeed. Mole (who was Badgers closest friend and bit on the side) didn't appreciate badger's new found temper so ran off with Mr Badger from Wind in the Willows and they both took sanctuary in Toad hall. Badger used his tomtom go to track down mole and Mr badger at toad hall, burrowed his way into their festering love pit and proceeded to both gape and rape then kill mole and Mr badger with his badger class ray gun device. Mole fell pregnant during the frantic rape session and in typical mole fashion gave birth instantly. The creature that emerged was a half mole, half badger, half manbearpig mess and was cast into the fires of middle earth where it thrived and became the worlds first marxist. Mr toad then went on a kill bill style revenge trip but was savagly maulled by a bear that got high and wonderd into the area, the savageness of the attack caused the gates of oblivion to open and out strolled the original and most fearsome land alligator of all time ever finito end period.

edit Enemies

The Land alligator has many enemies almost to many to list (but we'll give it ago) but none more than the dreaded Water Badger. It is the exact opposite of the land alligator but they are matched equally in everyway so there shall never be a victor until global warming kills everything. Little is known about the water badger but it has been said that they enjoy tea parties, charity events and such definitely not death rolls no sir. the last spotting of a water badger was in the summer of 69 by Bryan Adams who claims to have seen one playing a six string in the middle of the bermuda triangle. Mr Adams explains his reason for being there was that he was writing new material with PJ and Duncan and the nakedness helped them to 'bond spirtually not to mention physically'. How Quaint

edit List of lesser enimies

  • Vanessa Feltz
  • Every other fat useless day time TV reject
  • AIDS
  • Wookie Hole
  • Single Mothers
  • Number 3 Shaved Heads
  • Massive black wingers
  • The laughing cow
  • The smell of cut wet grass
  • H from steps
  • Laminate flooring
  • 800watt microwaves
  • Walmart
  • Black magic
  • The argos catolouge
  • The offside rule
  • Mido
  • Conjuntivitus
  • Quarter to 8 in the evening
  • Birds nest soup
  • Everything else
  • Jose The Jalepenio
  • Britney Spears
  • Micheal Jackson DEAD
  • Ashley Olsen
  • Ashley Tisdale
  • Ashley the cyclops that likes unicorns and other pretty items in the world.mmhhmm
  • urine

The alligator LOVES.....gdsofjdanofjdagfdshjngdsojfjnshdkdhdlgjsaghbndldhndkfsaagfidsfkb;m

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