Lake Michigan

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Lake Michigan.

Lake Michigan is a huge body of wetness. It's located to the right of Wisconsin. Lake Michigan is biologically related to the other Great Lakes, located near the Northern Hemisphere, just east of Eden and many fine steak houses. However, their greatness has been a source of some contention. Some Senators have expressed their anger about how much space Lake Michigan uses, and have introduced a bill to do away with it in order to build more casinos and mansions for their children. Lake Michigan was named after Mayor Ralph P. Michigan (D) of Detroit, OH.

[edit] Glaciers Taking Over

Glaciers and Indians are believed to have created Lake Michigan, but no records exist to provide evidence. Several scientists believe this false because when they tried to force the Indians and glacier together (with nails of course) the supposed magic bond didn't exist and the Indians died and the glacier melted (Note: They weren't related to the 2 MPG Manifest Destiny machine being used next door)

[edit] Chicago

The great nation of Chicago borders Lake Michigan on three sides. There, preppy hipsters use the waters of the great lake to bathe and let their cattle drink. Chicagoans have since gained superpowers from the mercury contained in the crisp cold waters of Lake Michigan. Unfortunately, Chicagoans also allow their fecal matter to drain into Lake Michigan, and combined with the refreshing waters and mercury levels, I am Captain Planet!

[edit] Notoriety

It's best known for it's high levels of mercury and the poisoned fish contained therein. Throughout recorded history, 135,000 lifeguards and kids have drown, only to resurface when it was time for their tax refunds. It's the only lake which Moses never parted, nor did he even buy it a drink.