Ladying

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“I tried ladying once, and let me just say this: OWNED!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Ladying

Ladyingnot

An example of how not to conduct "ladying".

Ladying is the act of looking for the Ladies. Whether it be looking for a date, a girlfriend, or a one-night stand, many guys spend a good part of their life ladying.

edit On Your Own

When ladying on your own, a singles bar is good because you're expected to be alone.

There is always a strong temptation to attempt the 'Hugh Grant' method of solo ladying which involves looking slightly miserable in a corner and then talking a load of unintelligable spaf when eligible prey come within reach. Hugh Grant picked up this method from the Tuscan hobo-fish which lures unsuspecting passing fish and aquatic mammals to help it out, despite being perfectly fine. The Grant method never really works because only really desperate women come and talk to you. And usually they're not worth it.

The most successful solo ladying methods are:

Clubbing: Club the object of desire unconscious and take her back to your lair.

Animal sounds: Sometimes communication through words can be a cumbersome and tedious process, and it's at these times one should rethink the approach. Using animal sounds is a proven efficient way to impress females. Cow, dog and walruss noises are always a big turn on for ladies at all ages, and can be used to great success. Still one should keep in mind that some people have bad experiences with certain kinds of animals and one should there for evaluate the situations at all times, carefully reading signs of disgust and loathing.

Exotic poisons: Remember, when the going gets tough, the tough get chemical. Distract her with poetic musings on the nature of sunsets and how you rescue small animals in your free time while gazing longingly into her eyes. Then, when you have her full attention and anything you say is music to her ears, slip that special controlled substance that you keep in your cufflinks, slip it into her drink and toast her health. Not only will your ladying be successful, you'll also be able to persuade her to pay for your bus ticket back to your studio-apartment.

Ultimately though, no campaign of solo ladying is ever truly successful as you must first demonstrate you are love able; than sacrifice your loved ones on the altar of your relationship to satiate the jealousy for your new one true love goddess Baal.

edit With Your Buddies

When ladying with your buddies, a place like a dance is good, so you have a fallback.

You should create a code word or sign telling your buddies that your workin' it and they should back off. For example, look at your friend and say, "You're blocking". Alternatively, make a slashing movement with you hand.

Remember, ladying is a delicate procedure. Don't take it lightly. You should always be prepared to go ladying, since the ladies can show up at any minute, so be sure to keep a wingman and a back-up wingman around you at all times. Don't use too much axe. While a reasonable amount of covering your body with other dude's pheromones can disguise your stink and bypass her olfactory sensors unnoticed, too much will smell less like you are those guys and more like you're paying to be covered in other men's juices.

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