Ladybird Books

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Ladybird Books

Ladybird Bird Books is now part of the Penguin group who published Lady Chatterley's Lover.

They; Ladybird, however, specialise in producing children's books.

Ladybird originally depicted an idealised family to educate and entertain children.

To the pathological hatred and despair of the 'liberal' left the books featured a stereotypical British family – the children John and Jane, Mum (that is Mom in American English) the housewife and Dad (that's Dad in American English) the breadwinner (that is someone who goes out and earns a living while Mum/Mom stays at home and drinks tea as Dad has hidden the Gin bottle).

Uncle Mac

A Dodgy Uncle Takes Children on a Train Ride

Ladybird Books were illustrated by artists who specialised in their respective fields.

Text appeared on the left hand page and an illustrative picture on the right hand page.

Following the takeover in 2014 of Ladybird Books by liberal left Trotskyite, third wave feminist, transgender, one legged lesbian, dungaree wearing misandrists no further books were to be published distinguishing between books for boys and books for girls. There was to be no 'gender stereotyping'.

edit Ladybird Books for Adults

In 2015 though, Ladybird published books for adults.

The books parodied the style of the children books and include the titles


Never Again!

Hangover Cures,

Wife Swapping for Beginners,

A Swingers Manual

Dealing with Clamydia,

Ditching the Bitch - Divorce for Him

Losing the Loser - Divorce for Her

Cooking for One

Living Alone - A Guide to Bedsit Living

Dignitas - A Guide to Assisted Suicide

Bunnikin's Picnic Party

Bunnikin's Picnic Party

These were a far cry from the first book published in 1940. In that more innocent age - it was titled Bunnikin's Picnic Party

edit Ladybird in Translation

Ladybird books have been published in approximately 70 different languages including Cornish, Estuary English, Scouse, Geordie, Cockney, Received Wigan Dialect and Tetbury Posh Totty.

edit Political Correctness Strikes Ladybird Books

Following the 2014 takeover a group was formed called the Coccinella Committee. They reviewed the published subject matter & potentially sexist misogynist nursery rhymes were censored or modified.

edit Politically Incorrect Nursery Rhymes

Examples of modification were:

edit Jack and Jill Went up the Hill

Jack and Jill

Jack and Jill went up the Hill

Jack and Jill went up the hill once Jack had been security cleared to be in the presence of a female & was of course to be accompanied at all times by a social worker.

edit See Saw Margery Daw

See Saw Margery Daw

See Saw Margery Daw

In its original form it was deemed unacceptable.

See Saw Margery Daw,

Johnny shall have a new master;

Johnny shall earn but a penny a day,

Because he can't work any faster

This was modified to

See Saw Margery Daw,

Jacky (the name being gender neutral) shall have a new mistress (master smacks of male dominance)

Jacky shall earn but a penny a day,

Because they (gender neutral) can't work any faster

Examples of nursery rhymes which were banned were:

edit There was an old women who lived in a shoe

There was an old women who lived in a shoe

Call Social Services

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.

Obviously unacceptable accommodation for an elderly female.

She had so many children, she didn't know what to do;

Clearly a failure of Social Services to provide adequate advice on birth control measures.

She gave them some broth without any bread;

Another failure by Social Services - not providing dietary advice.

Then whipped them all soundly and put them to bed.

Child abuse at its worst - Social Services had the children taken into care.

edit Peter Piper picked a Peck of Pickled Pepper

Peter Piper picked a Peck of Pickled Pepper

Peter Piper

Peter Piper picked a Peck of pickled pepper.

A peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked.

If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers,

Where's the peck of pickled peppers that Peter Piper picked?

This rhyme was banned as a Peck is an ancient measure of weight which contravenes EU legislation requiring the UK to use the metric system.

In addition the liberal left are too thick to understand the concept of the alliteration.

edit Oranges and Lemons

Oranges and Lemons

Oranges and Lemons

Oranges and lemons, say the bells of St Clements

St Clements a reference to a religious institution which is a inconsistent with the doctrines of international Marxism.

You owe me five Farthings Say the bells of St Martins.

A farthing is a quarter of an old penny banned under EU legislation which required the former UK to adopt decimal currency.

When will you pay me? Say the bells of Old Bailey.

The Old Bailey is the popular name for the Central Criminal Court and therefore a bastion of the oppressive fascist regime which will be torn down come the revolution.

When I grow rich, Say the bells of Shoreditch.

Shore Ditch said to be named after one of Henry VIII mistresses Jane Shore and a symbol of male oppressions over women. Also the monarchy was seen as an outmoded institution to be torn down come the revolution. References to getting rich imply support for the capitalist system which will torn down..... etc etc

When will that be? Say the bells of Stepney.

Another place of Christian worship see St Clements above.

I do not know, Says the great bell of Bow.

Another place of Christian get the picture

Here comes a candle to light you to bed, And here comes a chopper to chop off your head!

Capital punishment not being permitted by the EU.

edit Here we go round the Mulberry Bush

Here we go round the Mulberry Bush

The Mulberry Bush

Here we go round the mulberry bush,

The mulberry bush,

The mulberry bush.

Here we go round the mulberry bush

On a cold and frosty morning.

It was deemed unacceptable for children to be exposed to anti Anthropogenic Global Warming propaganda.

In the year 2000 it was announced by the Climate Research Unit of the University of East Anglia that snow in the UK would be a thing of the past.

This was then followed by bitterly cold winters and extensive snow cover.

edit Politically Incorrect Children's Stories

The Coccinella Committee also reviewed and banned any children's stories deemed politically incorrect.

These included:

edit Thomas and Friends

Thomas and Friends

Thomas the Tank Engine

Following an in depth analysis of the Thomas the Tank Engine books loved by children all over the world it was decided they were politically incorrect.

Only eight characters out of a total forty nine were female. Of those eight they played secondary roles and were often portrayed as being bossy.

The stories were supportive of the capitalist system as Thomas, Percy and James slaved for wealthy bosses like the Fat Controller.

The term Fat Controller was also deemed offensive to obese persons.

edit The Wind in the Willows

The Wind in the Willows

The Wind in the Willows

The committee concluded that Wind in the Willows should not be re-published as:

The animal characters were anthropomorphic, leading children to think that animals could talk.

All the animals depicted were male. There were no female, transgender, CIS gender, homosexual, lesbian, ethnic or religious minorities depicted.

One character was Badger, a creature currently blamed for spreading bovine TB amongst cattle and yet in the book depicted as a sympathetic character.

One of the characters regarded as a particularly bad influence on children was Toad.

Having not only stolen a car, Toad drives dangerously is arrested and sentenced to 20 years in gaol.

He then escaped prison and although pursued by the police eludes them and does not suffer any further punishment.

edit Goldilocks and the Three Bears

Goldilocks and the Three Bears

Goldilocks in Deep Doo Doo

As with Wind in the Willows the bears were anthropomorphic.

The three bears represented a steriotypical family, Daddy Bear , Mummy Bear and Baby Bear.

The committee considered reverting to an earlier version of the tale where all three were bachelor bears.

Although the bears could then have been represented as being in a tripartite homosexual relationship pleasing to the Coccinella committee the bears were never the less all male and therefore non PC.

There were suggestions that Mummy Bear should be a single mother on benefits living in a tower block in a deprived neighbourhood.

This however lead to problems with the storyline.

Why would Goldilocks make her way up to Mummy Bear's flat through urine soaked hallways and to climb the stairs as the lifts don't work just for the sake of a bowel of porridge?

That version was therefore rejected.

edit Intellectually Challenging Ladybird Books

Following accusations that the English education system was being dumbed down, Ladybird books launched a series to challenge the brighter children.

One example was:

edit The Ladybird Book of Quantum Physics

Schrodingers Cat

A Quantum of Pussy

edit Antimatter

John and Jane study antimatter.

According to the Ladybird book of Quantum Physics antimatter particles have an opposite charge but the same mass as their opposite number. A positron is positively charged version of the electron. When matter and anti matter meet they disappear in a blast of pure energy.

'So', says John,' if matter Jane meets antimatter Jane you'll both disappear!'

Jane bursts into tears.

edit Fraunhofer Lines

John and Jane consider Fraunhofer lines

According to the Ladybird book of Quantum Physics light can be absorbed or emitted when an electron in an atom moves from one energy level to another. Because electron shells lie at fixed energies, the light only takes on certain frequencies and appears as a series of stripes -called Fraunhofer lines - when split by a prism or multi slit grating.

'That seems clear enough' says John. 'I don't understand' says Jane. 'That's because you're a stupid girl' says John.

Jane burst into tears

edit Wave -particle Duality

John and Jane explore wave particle duality.

According to the Ladybird book of Quantum Physics light can exhibit the characteristics of particles (photons) or waves according to how the experiment is constructed.

'Light is made of particles' says John.

'Light is made up of waves' says Jane.

'No it isn't' says John.

'Yes it is' says Jane.

'Alright then' says Jane why don't you try Broglie's three slit experiment?

'Since you've only got one slit, what would you know about it?' says John.

Jane burst into tears

edit Schrodinger's Cat

According to the Ladybird book of Quantum Physics Schrodinger ridiculed Niels Bohr's idea of probabilistic quantum systems in which an external observer changes the outcome by the act of observation and the way in which the experiment was set up.

As an example light can therefore be both a particle or a wave.

Schrodinger proposed a thought experiment: a cat is locked in a steel chamber along with a flask of hydrocyanic acid to be shattered upon the decay of a radioactive atom.

The cat's fate depends on the probability of whether the atom has decayed or not.

The cat is therefore in a blend of states both alive and dead at the same time.

It's fate is only established after the chamber has been opened.

'My pussy is in a quantum state' says Jane. 'Your Pussy's dead' says John.

Jane bursts into tears.

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