From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
“Too old, do not want.”
A Labor Party, as its name suggests, is an orgy revolving a woman engaged in childbirth. Despite being illegal and taboo everywhere, labor parties are surprisingly common in some parts of the world. However, in many western nations, the videotaping of childbirth, ostensibly as a family video, but actually for pornographic use, has largely replaced labor parties.
The laboring female and medical staff
Due to the inherent health risks in childbirth, as well as the difficulty of timing childbirth, labor parties are notoriously difficult to organize. The most difficult hurtle to overcome is finding a pregnant female who is willing to engage in an orgy while in the process of childbirth. It is generally recommended to use a pregnant woman who has already given birth before, and has had relatively "easy" labors. Also, one should ensure that the pregnant woman and unborn child in question do not have any serious health concerns. If the pregnant woman, or her child, need hospital care, it may attract unwanted attention from legal authorities.
Some amateur labor party organizers worry that an overly quick childbirth will render their anticlimactic. However, any risk or perceived risk on transporting the laboring female to a hospital will ruin a labor party faster than even the quickest childbirth, as many of the guests will be working about risk of arrest, rather than focusing on the orgy. Even the birthing female were transported the hospital discreetly, it does effectively end the labor before the most interesting bits happen.
Another difficulty is finding a suitable obstetrician or midwife who won't report the labor party to law enforcement. One should use a obstetrician who is known to have previously attended labor parties. Etiquette demands that the obstetrician be filmed at the labor party, and said documentation to used to blackmail the obstetrician to not report any future labor parties. Somewhat paradoxically, professional obstetricians seem to inform the authorities at a lower rate than midwives. This may be due to the greater penalties for ethics violations imposed on doctors. However, some have suggested that most obstetricians secretly have a birth fetish.
As a rule, it is generally suggested to use only one obstetrician, as increasing the number will increase the chances of one of them informing the police. If the laboring female may need more medical staff, she is probably a high-risk pregnancy, and should not be used in a labor party.
Some organizers of large labor parties invite multiple potential birthing females. The goal is not to have two women in labor simultaneously, although such lucky occurrences as always appreciated. The point is, rather, to ensure that at least one female is present at a labor party if one can't attend for whatever reason, such as an unexpectedly difficult labor. Most of the guests will also like the presence of several heavily pregnant females, even if they aren't in labor.
However, the labor party organizer should be careful in inviting pregnant women, or any females fot that matter, to a labor party. Many females who have no qualms about engaging in orgies while pregnant will be shocked by a labor party, and may be moved to report the event to the police. This is not to say, however, that no women should be invited: many men would also be shocked by the labor party. Even extreme pregnophiles may have an aversion to childbirth orgies. One should ensure that all guests will have no qualms about the event, and are not undercover police officers.
The location of a labor party also poses some difficulty. Like most other group orgies, this needs to held in a secret location. However, the loud cries of the laboring female will attract even more attention than a typical orgy. Also, the inability or know the time of labor makes renting a location for a labor party very difficult. A venue would need to be rented for several days: this is not only expensive, but will attract unwanted attention. For these reasons, a labor party is generally organized at a private residence.
The timing of a labor party is controlled by the whim of biology. It is quite likely for a labor party to start a very inconvenient time, such as the morning of a weekday, or even over a major holiday. Since the event can't be planned, one should not expect every invited guest to attend. In previous decades, informing the guests of the approaching childbirth and labor party was a difficult task, as the mass phone calls could attract unwanted attention. However, modern communication devices have largely removed this difficulty. One should always be subtle when giving the announcement. Do not, for example, say "the labor orgy starts at 3 pm at my house." A prearranged signal, like sharing a certain facebook photo, will often suffice.