L Lawliet

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L is usually nice, but if you do not come bearing cakes or sweets, he will greet you with a most unpleasant face.

Leonardo Laurence Lawliet XI or as he's commonly know L is one of the anime/manga series, Death Note's most popular and perverted characters. He is the world's greatest detective, able to solve cases that not even Scooby Doo could. This mostly because unlike the former, L resorts to some of the strangest tactics ever thought up by mankind. However L would never resort to jumping over buldings in black tights like Batman.

edit Early Life

One can infer that L had both super diabetes and lieabetes from a young age, seeing as his parents kicked him out for his behaviour and was depressed. He was taken in by a kind man known as Quilish Wammy, the inventor of the Wammy bar. He is better known by others as Watari because it sounds a lot cooler. 'Watari' found a home for the child at Wammy's House, which, as the name implies, sells "cheap kids, very sweet, desu~!". During this time, L also developed his dislike for church bells as they remind him of a bad experience with a priest.

L developed his unchallenged intelligence and detective skills while at Wammy's House. When his services were not needed, he watched countless hours of crime dramas such as Law and Order, CSI, Batman (the Adam West series, not the amazing animated series), and Scooby Doo. Through these shows, he collected a vast amount of knowledge on apprehending criminals. Hilariously, L always played detective with his fellow housemates, but eventually found that nobody wanted to play with him because of his unorthodox methods; in one instance, he strapped one of his female friends to a chair, blindfolded her, and asked her a series of questions that made her uncomfortable and forced her to bite her own tongue. L would later incorporate this method in his interrogation of Misa Amane.

L was a socialy akward kid. His intelligence far surpased that of his friends, being as such, this affected him later in his life (developing into social akwardness and not much empathy for fellow companions, though he knew right from wrong. killing=wrong) which ultimately lead to his death.

edit Kira Investigation

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L solves his depression and loneliness problems with a little bit of sugary sweets.

During his time as a detective, L solved many great cases. One of which involved him teaming up with some hot Japanese chick in order to bring down a former resident of Wammy's house whom had since become an unwanted fan boy of L (so much that he even began to look as such. The only thing that separated the two was the fact his clothes were always stained with blood....We mean jam.).

However, L's greatest case was the Kira case. Upon concluding that the mysterious string of heart-attack related deaths in Japan were the work of some obviously troubled, egotistical, and sadistic Japanese, high school student and not just because of all of the stressed out Japanese businessmen, L took it upon himself to announce that he would not rest until he brought the sadistic bastard to justice. Quite literally, apparently, as he hasn't really slept since. He gathered a team of the NPA's best police agents including Soichiro Yagami (the eventual culprit's father); J-Fro enthusiast, Aizawa, and well regarded retarded, but lovable dumbass, Matsuda.

Sometime after, L was convinced, based on much evidence that no one understood, that Kira was Soichiro Yagami's son, Light Yagami. Although Soichiro disagreed, L paid him no mind and wasted no time in bugging the Yagami residence with hidden cameras and wire-taps. While he claimed such an act was merely police work, the others thought that L was a queer. Soon after that, L confronted Light himself and offered the young child with god complex a position on the investigation team. Light was thrilled and thus began a wondrous adventure full of violence, betrayal, hatred, love, and yaoi-related content.

L and Light then discovered a second Kira had appeared. The only difference was this Kira was a dumbass and made hasty moves. Convinced by the obvious lack of intelligence, a knack for killing only males, and the thought of one day meeting Kira, the two were convinced the second Kira was a woman. Not long after, the second Kira, "Misa-Misa the Sexy", made contact with Light and decided to join forces. Of course, L was no fool and wasted no time in apprehending Miss Amane for questioning. L then proceeded to do to Misa what he did to that female Wammy House resident so many years ago and began his perverted interrogation, making sure to tie her up in a way that would reveil as much of her thighs as practical. All the while, L took great guilty pleasure in watching Misa suffer as he stuffed his face with candy and other sugary sweets. Not long after, L received the pleasure of interrogating Light Yagami as well.

Little did he know however, everything was going according to Light's keikaku.

edit Yotsuba Kira, Downfall, and Death


Don't worry about L, he's just a very emotional foot-massager.

After constant scolding by the other members of the investigation squad, L released Light and Misa. However, not wanting to let Light out of his sight and still convinced he was Kira, L tied his hand to Light's hand with a rather long handcuff. Needless to say, the act was seen by many fan girls (and Misa) as such an obvious yaoi-related act and immediately began polluting the air with their sick and perverted fantasies. During their time handcuffed, Light and L sparred with one another, had many heart-filled conversations, and went through many arcade challenges like a newlywed gamer couple (alongside Misa of course).

During this time, L and Light received word that the new string of Kira killings were coming from an employee from the Yotsuba company. Going by gut feeling that this Kira was a perverted old man (much like Roshi from Dragonball), L decided to send Misa in to make the pervy dude spill his guts. Much to everyone's surprise, L was correct and the suspect, Kyosuke Higuchi spilled his guts like a canary. Immediately, L set up a massive steak-out and alongside Light, Watari, and the entire Japanese Police agency, they were able to successfully apprehend Higuchi of the Death Note he was carrying. Unfortunately, L made the biggest mistake of his life and literally handed the Death Note back to Light; thus giving the sick, young, individual his memories of the notebook. Wasting no time, Light killed Higuchi and managed to rid himself of he and Misa's suspicions. Of course, L wasn't about to give up and arranged to set up a testing of the notebooks power to prove Light and Misa's guilt. Little did he know however that Light had already staged his eventual downfall. Misa's death god, Rem, was astonishingly lacking in knowledge of the Death Note, answering all of L's questions with "who knows", "beats me", and "uh-uh-uh".

Mere hours before the end, L decided to take a trip up to the roof of the agency and stand out in the rain; for no particular reason, he just thought that fan girl service was in order. Moments later, Light joined the sweet-toothed warrior on the roof. L spent the next few minutes discussing his dislike of church bells and telling lies. Light didn't understand where any of this was coming from, but the fan girls watching were getting rather hot by the scene. However, what followed could only be classified as either Biblical allegory or grade-A yaoi. L began to give Light a foot massage. Tsugumi Ohba, the creator of Death Note stated this scene was definitely Biblical allegory, but all the fan girls thought that this was just another great moment in Yaoi. Light seemed to enjoy every second of it as well. Sadly, the following hour just as he was preparing to test the notebook, L lost his life after Rem was forced by Light wrote his and Watari's real names in the Death Note. L then fell to the floor in slow, dramatic, fashion and was greeted by Light Yagami with glowing red eyes and a devilish smile. This alone confirmed L's suspicions that Light was a powerful Satan wannabe. L then had an NDE of his childhood life at Wammy's prison for insane retards, saw an all consuming white light (which was much sexier than the disgusting and utterly crazed face of Kira) and drifted off into heaven where he would see Aeris and indulge in sweets forever. The last thing he ate was a cookie shaped like a panda.

edit Aftermath

Although L died, Light was eventually revealed to be Kira by three of L's former Wammy House residents and obviously worse versions, Near, Mello and Magnum P.I. Of course, not too many saw this happen as L's death shunned nearly half of the readers and viewers away from the series. That was too bad, considering at the end of the anime version, Light laid on the steps of some power plant dying like a dog with the spirit of L smiling down at him victoriously some drug-caused hallucination glaring down at him with eyes covered by a pen. L's idols were Inspector Colombo with his psychological torture known as the Colombo effect that made the suspects confess like crazy widows and the suspected to be mad scientist Doctor Fred from Maniac Mansion that had a religious routine to drink coffee everyday. L wished to grow up to become just like him in his old age. Poor soul.

However, it has recently been put forward that L did not completely disappear from the face of the universe but became a Hollow and was recast into an Arrancar with the help of Sosuke Aizen. Henceforth, he came to be known as Ulqiuorra Cifer. However, he did not retain any of his human memories, hence the quote at the beginning of this article. The theory of the Arrancar is farther evidenced by his fondness for Orihime Inoue, a prettier, smarter and less annoying version of Misa Amane.

edit See Also

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