LYON

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The L.Y.O.N. model of robot was created in the '60s by the CIA as a spy against the enemies of America. In the '80s, it was popularized and used extensively, thus it became to serve one purpose. It was built to look like a Russian (the Cold War was taking place during the '80s) and to hold realistic conversations with realistic people. The tec
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Extremely Sophistocated Laser Technology

hnology is still superior to anything that has been built since then, with a compact computer chip that contains the entire English and Spanish language (why Russian wasn't included, I know not). It was also equipped with weapons that are state of the art, including an extremely deadly laser, a chainsaw, and a monstrous bottle of Kool Whip. The first models (the 1960's models) more fit the body type of a Neanderthal, very unlike the Vietnamese opposition at the time
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The First Model

. It contained only the bottle of Kool Whip, which was ultra-pressurize for extreme Kool Whip action. Unfortunately, even its voice sounded a bit too robotic, and its (good) looks and excellent weaponry could not come to match the speech that held it down. The L.Y.O.N. was also too intelligent, and could become corrupt if its personality allowed it. A prime example of this corruptness in personality was President Richard Nixon, who was an American President that took very much interest in young Congressional paiges (female, unlike the more recent Mr. Foley). After "resigning," this particular L.Y.O.N. (L.Y.O.N. #2293) left the White House and was never seen again (except at several government press confrences, speeches he gave, foundations he helped [not a lot, I might add], etc). Even today, he roams our streets, preying on young, underage (mostly around 16), attractive, teenage girls.


So it was revised by the German physicist Dr. Adolf Erich. The second model,
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L.Y.O.N. Mark II Special Edition

L.Y.O.N. Mark II (dubbed MII) was more realistic and was quite convincing, except for its fins on its helmet and silver spacesuit. The new model not only included the Kool Whip from the last model, but also included the ever popular extremely lethal laser, a .240 Gatlink Gun, four stainless steel salad preparation knives (mostly for preparing dinner for its victims), a rubber fist, and a special edition Space Balls flamethrower (the kids love this one). Along with the excellet arsenal, it also had faster reflexes and was dumbed down quite a bit. Personalities were removed, and the MII excelled in its testing. Its special edition also carried around a specialized body bag for discreetly disposing of its decomposing victims. Unfortunately, the MII was much less effective in the field, as its lack of personality and silvery skin did not mimic that of a human being (however, the guard it was tested on seemed to think otherwise) and it blew its cover too easily. Its stupidity did not allow it to readily engage adversaries and as a result, its reflexes and sophistocated weaponry were put to waste. In the late 1970s, the L.Y.O.N. project was trashed.


Later, around 1983, a Japanese physicist named Hotaka Noboru b
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The third, incredibly attractive Russian woman model of the L.Y.O.N.... Rawr!

uilt a third model from the ground that looked exactly like an attractive Russian woman. Another favorite weapon, the chainsaw, was added, along with a few which were eventually removed such as C.U.M. (the Claymore of Unholy Might, which made a cameo in the popular MMORPG, World of Warcraft), a nut wielding chipmunk, and a motherf**king snake on a motherf**king plane (the rubber fist was also removed). The extreme effectiveness of these new models was apparent in several military successes (such as the ending of the Cold War, Kuwait, and the War on Terror/War in Iraq). Extremely durable, versatile, deadly, and doubling as a mail-order bride, the L.Y.O.N. became available to the public and is now a main source of income for the US&A. The CIA mass produces the L.Y.O.N. and sells them (though they are rendered relatively harmless).
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