LSD
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“Is it me or does the room smell like purple to anyone else?”
~ Jimi Hendrix on acid. Literally
“Today, a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration. That we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively. There is no such thing as death, life is only a dream and we're the imagination of ourselves . . . Heres Tom with the weather.”
~ Not Denis Leary
“I am the eggman! They are the eggmen! I am the Walrus, goo goo g'joob!”
~ John Lennon on LSD
“Wow, do I have a Dick? OOOOooooo.”
~ Oprah Winfrey on acid.
“LSD is not a source of evil”
~ That little green guy I'm seeing
“Whooooah”
~ everyone on acid
LSD, or as the French would say, Le LSD, is the truth about universe and shit. It was discovered by Fred Astaire in 1689, but was patented by Billy Joel the next day. How it was clear that Billy Joel knew acid was so dank by the next day is unclear. It was first employed to allow soldiers to see inter-dimensional portals, allowing faster than light (FTL) travel on the battlefield. The drug backfired when the soldiers discovered that their enemies were in fact "fucking lizards with huge 20 feet long tongues that raped the souls of their oppressors."
It was soon adopted by American pop-culture in the 1920s as an alternative to alcohol, which soon led to orgies of blood in the streets of Manhattan (as documented in the film Singing in the Rain).
At the end of the 1960's, Timothy Leary decried LSD as a menace to society, and called for its outlaw. October 29th, 1969 saw the outlawing of LSD, causing the huge LSD factories to stop production immediately. Subsequently, the LSD-dependent economy of the United Spades of Amerika crashed, ushering in the Great Depression. Panicked stockbrokers, breaking into their stash of bad acid, jumped out of buildings on Wall Street, assuming they were frogs and could eat flies.
Soon after, alcohol prohibition was repealed, allowing former LSD junkies to drown their sorrows.
The serial murders committed by the Kool-Aid Man have been attributed to LSD.
LSD has since been replaced by LCDs, which are a more-costly yet still-usable way of seeing images of things that never existed. LCDs are a very potent liquid form of LSD being pushed by a notoriously shady subgroup of the IT community known as dealers, who (much like the LSD dealers before them) have a large number of users who are all hooked and eagerly waiting to download the latest fix. (The LCD form is also highly addictive as they have managed to eliminate the problem of tolerence, so it is still effective even after weeks of continuous use. this was not possible with the original LSD, tolerence making it useless after 2-4 days)
Methyl-choco-peapod alternation in colormood!
(REMEMBER THIS)
- Wherein thick bratwurst The Hulks teleoperated pre-chewed Jewish jumbo puppet balloons from getaway personalities and then skittered away like tiny spiders
- Wherein onion-clam-prune icecreams are served to the moon.
Contents |
[edit] Effects
LSD can cause frightening side effects, including but not limited to: the enjoyment of Dark Side of the Moon, understanding the White Album, watching movies that star Elijah Wood, seeing OH SHIT patterns in the wall, feeling the urge to make out with your right hand (and your left hand; if you are ambidextrous), believing everything on Uncyclopedia, digging music by Michael Fagson , going into FUCKING outer space and getting attacked by gay niggers, hiding underneath water, feeling sexually attracted to your printer, becoming one with the grungy couch in the corner, finding a cat which repeatedly yells "NEOW MEOW NO MEOW" and doesn't run, and trying to stick the cat on a pair of Spring shoes , thinking Marker Blarsh can also sing, the ability to make your car turn into an air plane (sweeeeet), feeling the need to recite every song by They Might be Giants, thinking you are Rosanna Rosannadanna, worshipping blink-182, the ability to discover and fully understand that a 90 degree corner just ends in two places at once (whooa), the ability to perceive reality as two separate screens playing distinctly different movies (when walking behind a companion), finding Zippy the Pinhead funny, having all lights tinged purple, the ability to not feel any side effects of the drug cannabis (a.k.a. marijuana, chronic, the reefer, ganja, reggo, dope, oregano, table-tennis), and liking The Jonas Brothers. LSD users have been known to watch, and reminisce about children's television shows (typically from the 1980's) such as "Under the Umbrella Tree", sometimes realizing that "Under the Umbrella Tree" rhymes with LSD, and that this could turn into a great song. However, many non-high sources have confirmed that such a song is likely to be terrible. You may also get the sensation that your trip lasts wayyy longer than it really is. Some people come back to reality completely convinced that the trip they were just on lasted 400,000 years.
Many poor schoolkids are currently feeling these effects, as the government has made it compulsory for all milk cartons to be laced with the drug, in order to achieve a group of new-thinking pupils. However, when the cartons are left out in the sun, the LSD in the milk is rendered ineffective, and just makes it taste slightly sharp. Many people have reported waking up on the side of the road naked the next morning after taking LSD. This is due to a substance known as Uranium Dioxide, found in LSD when the odour is given off anything within 1 foot although there is a low chance of the odor escaping your body. LSD provides an excellent experience when taken properly. It is often taken as a depressant drug,or when and individual is bored or just wanting to have fun. Many people see fun animals to play with.Also many people have been met but leave when the high is gone. Some after being high wake up naked next to someone they've never met. If LSD is taken improperly the worst experience may happen. In 1998 a man took the drug improperly. He was in his bed awake when he woke up still high when a robber came in, the man found a gun and shot the robber and went back to sleep. The next morning he woke up and realized there was no robber. An eight foot cockroach was lying dead on the floor from an apparent staple gun-shot wound.
[edit] Negative effects of LSD
- Bendy penis
- Extreme anal expulsions
- Extra breast development
- An eyeball sprouts on the end of your penis
- Constipation
- Purple Aliens from Zanthor will chase you
- You will wake up in the middle of nowhere screaming because your grandmother sodomized you too many times XD
- Then you'll find that was a dream and find yourself in bed next to Paula Abdul (Then you scream even louder)
- This really bad rash i got once
- intesinal diseases
- nothing happens and you have to face reality
- THE GNOMES TURN BAD!! AAGGHH!!
- suddenly get really good at art
- sudden uncotrolable unnormal excrement
- Hobo Breath
- get laid
- dont get laid
- have the greatest time of your life
- go to jail
- get laid in jail
- twice
- have a life changing experence
- forget to get a free pen at the end of your Trip
- allll tHe ltreets om thE kbaryoed arke mnvoig anruod
[edit] Alternatives to LSD
A great, all-natural organic alternative to LSD is oregano. The main ingredient in LSD is also found in dounut seeds. They can be ground up and ingested for a colorful lightshow starring gay FBI men in bikinis stabbing good citizens with fountain pens.
[edit] Can also mean
- Pounds, shillings and pence (£sd)
- Limited-Slip Differential
- Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds
- Low Sodium Diet
- Could also be confused with LDS, or "Latter-Day Saints"
and perhaps even:....
- Lick Some Dick
- The Unix ls daemon, which responds to calls made by the ls command
- Laughing Sam's Dice
- Laxative Sun Drug, a pharmaceutical for the constipated people of warm, sub-Saharan climates.
- Lake Shore Drive
- Long Shore Drift
- Low String Drop
- Legolas Siobhan Dolev ... The Gaming Company who's newest game ACID if fun for the whole family!!
- Lazy Strippers Dancing under colored lights.
- little sandwich dog
- Lll.. LOOK AT MY FUCKING HANDS!! WOAH!
- Lizard Shaped Dildo
- Living Sick Dreams
- Let's Shave Donkeys
- Low Sagging Dongle
[edit] Things LSD are commonly used with
- Skydiving
- Pot
- More Pot
- Masturbation
- Endomasturbation
- Other Mind-Fucking Drugs
- Laser light shows
- Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Heats Club Band
- Dark Side of the Moon
- Guitars
- God
- Shag Carpets
- Kittens
- Hookahs
- Shapes
- Pretty Colors Glowing
- The Beatles LUCY in the SKY with DIAMONDS.
Christopher Columbus was not actually sailing away for the precious mineral of gold. He considered LSD to be "gold" and decided to sail away to the Americas where the Mexicans (more specifically the Northern Gangsta Mexicans or Cholos) were using it liberally to keep their low riders running smoothly, completely unaware of the fact that it can be sold for, as quoted by Columbus himself, "Major cashola, dude!" Also note that the previous quote is not fucking funny at all.
[edit] Everyday Uses of LSD
Commonly ingested at breakfast by meddlesome philosophers, this lovely mental medicine can be yours for the price of a pizza! Can make space and time seem relative and subject to the mind, but can also make demons eat your head, which also is currently a banana named Bill. If you eat too much, Jefferson Airplane may spontaneously appear in front of you and Timothy Leary's voice may echo softly through the room. It is also widely known that frequent use of LSD can cause some individuals to spontaneously transform into Rock Stars, Deities, or extremely nasty food products. It is therefore recommended that one only experiment with this volatile substance under the supervision of trained professionals such as Matthew Lesko or Dick Van Dyke.
Can Thus Be Used For:
- Having unusually deep conversations with barnyard animals.
- Being a traveler of both time and space.
- Finally understanding The Doors.
- Tasting/smelling purple.
- Realizing that all matter is merely energy, condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively
- Getting Higher
- Knowing everything, in its entirety, all at once.
- Turning Mr. Roger's Neighborhood into a demon hell ride.
- Realizing that there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream and we are the imagination of ourselves
- Finding enjoyment from a pair of glowing squishy balls.
- Finding Waldo... and understanding where he has been and where he will be... ha ha haaaaaa!!
- Enjoying Pink Floyd
- Watching Vin Diesel movies
- Making Sirhan Sirhan kill JFK
- Watching children's television
- Quelling outbreaks of Hippie flu
- Seeing the World and Universe Through a Keyhole
- Digging the Beatles
- Digging the Grateful Dead
- Digging Pink Floyd
- somewhat understanding Syd Barrett
- Digging the...sadfflhaiueryiuwjhfaiu...Have you ever REALLY looked at your hands...sdfakj...Stick it to the Man!!!!!!!...*giggle, faint*
- An excuse to have fun
- Taking apart really complex things like hard drives
- Firing Hunter S. Thompson's ashes out of a cannon
- Realizing that EVERYTHING'S RELATIVE MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!
- Noticing time.
- Noticing individual carpet fibers.
- Going on an adventure in your bedroom.
- Watching scary movies play backwards at high speed on network TV until a monster materialises and you fall off a balcony screaming.
- Flying...face first into the pavement
- Having unusually deep conversations with barnyard animals
- Turning your couch into a pirate ship
- Deciding if your dog has feelings - he does, and he hates you
- Finding comfort in sleeping under your bed
- Visiting God
[edit] How the world looks like while you're on LSD
Warning: Don't watch if you are epileptic. May cause you to swallow tongue or could possibly cause you to see straight again.
Other possible ways that LSD could make the world look:
Mario shouldn't have combined LSD with those hallucinogen mushrooms he insists in eating constantly for some reason.
The director of Blck Hole Sun on 1994 used LSD.
[edit] Slang Terms for LSD
- Lysergic acid diethylamide - A nonsense name which parodies chemistry jargon. Mike Hunt of austin blurted this while eating a cat.
- Lake Shore Drive - A metaphor for an LSD "vacation" being similar to driving around a lake shore.
- Acid-even though it doesn't burn like acid... wait I take that back...
- Aunt Flo- This term gained popularity when Florence Nightingale made a particularly potent sheet of blotter bearing the design which would later go on to adorn the American Flag.
- Limited slip differential
- Lick Some Dicks - Be careful when using this term, as they may misunderstand your meaning. However, that may turn out to be a positive result.
- Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds-After the weirdest song in the world. John Lennon may SAY it's not about LSD (yeah, right), but one day, THE TRUTH WILL BE TOLD!!!!!!!!!!!!
- Larry Sam Dandy - This was coined by suburban kids referring to all drug dealers as being named Larry Sam Dandy
- Ditch some ladies -Wait...
[edit] LSD against Gravity
LSD can cause people to fly out the window and travel to distant places with pink elephants. Scientists explain this by silently pointing at the White House, where LSD researches had been controlled by Presidents for over 30 years since the CIA started an undercover chain of experiments on agents. Many mind blowing researches on LSD were lost to the intensity of the experience, but we do have some limited information regarding the use of LSD against gravity. According to the newest researches anyone can fly using LSD. Since gravity comes from the center of Earth (also called the Federation of Deep China), there is a way to avoid gravity. Anything that's far enough from the center of gravity can fly, meaning that from the 10th floor of an average-height building and from above we have a considerably high chance to avoid gravity by being outside its sphere of magnetic activity and, therefore, fly. The key to this is to choose the highest place possible, and, of course, to have control over the experience by using a steering wheel. Remember to stay safe; don't use your cellphone while flying.
[edit] See Also
- Alexander Shulgin
- LDS
- Boohbah
- Pink Floyd
- The Lake Trio
- Timothy Leary
- Terence Mckenna
- American Children
- Hunter S. Thompson
- Teletubbies
- Rorschach Inkblot Acid Test
- Acid trip
- Acid Rain
- Shamen
- Salvia
- Vladimir Putin
- Hippies
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