LL Cool J
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“Yo baby, you wanna come to my crib? Have some donuts and milk? Listen to a pop tune maybe?”
“This guy is cool.”
LL Cool J is the number most coolest person in the world. Many people wish to be as cool as LL Cool J but its quite obvious that they fucking suck. LL Cool J has sold over 4,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 records due to the fact that he is so fucking cool. Oh yeah... LL Cool J stands for "Ladies Love Cool Jones" just in case you "uncool" fuckheads didn't know
[edit] History
LL Cool J was born and raised in somewhere extremely cool. He never went to school because he was too cool. When he became the coolest person alive, he decided to make something of himself non-cool related, so he decided to record rap CD's and release a new one every week until the day he "decides" to die because even death can't fuck with this guys coolness. The reason for mr. Very Cool doing hip-hop shit is unkwown but many believe that he wanted to work out some how or he'll get fat and nobody can be cool and fat at the same time.
LL Cool J released his first album "I Fucking Love My Cool Radio" in 1782 to much critical acclaim. The album contained no swearing as LL Cool J saw this as being "Uncool" even though he says the word "fuck" as every second word in his sentences now. Anyway he released another album two days later which was called "COOLJISBAD" whcih was the same thing as that radio album.
Several hours later, LL Coooool J released another album "Walking With a Cool Panther". It as a critical controversy with some accusing LL Cool J as being tooo cool. LL Cool J later proved them wrong by taking them home "for milk and cookies, maybe even listen to a pop tune" and later having hardcore sex them until they were crippled ("Mentally and Phsyically"). Another couple of albums later Mr. Cool Kid released the album "Motherfucker Knocked You're Cool Boots Out". It was the first ever pornographic rap CD ever. "EVER"!!!!!!!. It also contained numerous disses towards "Uncool" rappers such as Ice-t, Mr. t and Barack Obama. However for cool reasons it was censored with no moaning (SUCKED IN YOU HORNY MOTHERFUCKERS!!!).
Anyway LL Cool J released 200 more records that day and a biography titled "Why I Am So Cool?". Despite himself bragging about being cool, the question foe the title is never answered. He now works as a cop who beats up uncool people and promotes underage sex.
[edit] Controversy
In August 1998, the FBI investigated LL Cool Js lines which he uses to get laid. The reason for this investigation is because many believed that the phrase "Yo baby, you wanna come to my crib? Have some donuts and milk? Listen to a pop tune maybe?" was related to a series of rapes that were occuring around that time. LL Cool J was later dismised of these charges as being cool enough to be innocent. Meanwhile, Bill Clintons Presidential Campagin contained the title "Yo baby, you wanna come to my crib? Have some donuts and milk? Listen to a pop tune maybe?" as its promotion.
