Kyrgyzstan
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The Happiest Place on Earth, Kyrgyzstan is a long forgotten member of the USSR, now a member of the foresaken CIS. |
“Fuck consonants, it's Kyrgyzstan!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Krgystan
“Tajikistan - that's the one Borat comes from, right? That guy's so funny.”
~ George Bush on Wikipedia
“ I can't even spell this!”
~ American on Kyrgyzstan
{{Q| Kyrgystan, ain't that that place in East Anglar or something?|))
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| Motto: "Going Going Going Gone, Sold to the Highest Bidder!" | |||||
| Anthem: National Anthem of the Kyrgyz Republic (info) | |||||
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| Capital | Ishkebish | ||||
| Previous capital | Fish cake | ||||
| Largest city | Frankford is the largest city in Canada with some 2 and a half people and a dog | ||||
| Official languages | Krgyz, Russian | ||||
| Government | Unimportant Republic | ||||
| Supreme potentate | Captain D; Spartacus | ||||
| Prime potentate | Captain D | ||||
| National Hero(es) | David Hasselhoff, Captain D | ||||
| Declaration of Independence | 1991 when the mongol's pulled out of their failing invasion from the 4th dimension | ||||
| Currency | Rupees | ||||
| Religion | The big orange thing in the sky and reruns of Mr. Ed | ||||
| Major exports | Horse and Goat Manure, sand, Mouldy Cabbages | ||||
| Major imports | Clean water, AK47s and Madonna Cassettes | ||||
| Opening hours | 7am - afternoon prayer to Captain DJ | ||||
The Happiest Place on Earth, Kyrgyzstan is a long forgotten member of the USSR, now a member of the foresaken CIS. Since the overthrow of the tyrannical Robot Santa, the subjects are now issued gold stars, by the government, for every thing that makes someone happy. Some wish it were Gold teeth.
Krgystan (Kyrgyzstan) is spelled with "sometimes Y". Formerly spelled with two Ys, the sometimes Y was ceremoniously dropped, after the former Soviet Premier' English lessons. He was practicing his English, counting out the prime vowels of the English language, A, E, I, O. U. a well meaning junior party member piped in with "..And sometimes Y!" to which the Premier responded "Why? Why, Nyett! " In an odd coincidence, the premier's biographer was asking how to spell the country. Just as someone was whispering K-Y-R... the "Why Nyet!" bellowed through the building. The biographer dutifully dropped the first Y and the country was afraid to say anything. The Krgsts have grown to love the sometimes Y. The primary reason for no such flack was the curious pronunciation with a number of silent letters. Silent are: K,R,Y,S,T,A,and N. G is the only letter pronounced. It is a hard G as in GREAT! After the crushed velvet revolution, the country was briefly under a dictatorship of Robot Santa. The Gs are much happier now.
Contents |
[edit] Future Plans
The country has a five year plan to rearrange the furniture to take advantage of that lovely morning sun they get over the Great Wall of China. They plan to pile the furniture in order to peer over the great wall at the rising sun.
[edit] National Anthem
"Seventy Three Cecilia (Authority)" was composed by Victor Emmuel StanLak and commemorates the brave martyr, Cecilia enforcing the rights of article 73 of the constitution of 1834. Lost in time is both that constitution and the substance of article 73, but hey, what are you gonna do? A statue of Cecilia by cartoonist Andy Capp graces the Iskebibble town square, high atop Mount Kyrgsneytang. It is believed line 3 of the forgotten anthem reflects the peoples love for middle-northern conflict, and loafers.
[edit] Culture and Education
Kyrgyzstn s mythcl cntry fr fr t th nrth f th qtr. Snc th Spllng Rfrm, ths cntry hs n vwls n th ffcl spllng f ts nm.
Th Spllng Rfrm tk plc n th lt 19th cntry. Mny inncnt vwls prshd.
Th gvrnmnt ffclly dns th xstnc f lrg ndrgrnd vwl mrkt n Kyrgyzstn. T s rmrd tht mny Kyrgyz vwls nd p n th ntd Stts s vwls n th tlvsn prgrm Whl f Frtn.
[edit] Law and Order (lack of)
Appart from capital punishment (by the removal of genitalia), many misdemeanors in Kyrgyzstan are dealt with by the guilty person having to wear a "dunce hat" for an extended period of time. Other punishments include forced fornication with goats and public shaving of pubic hair.
Since the majority of the population worship "the big orange thing in the sky", most law is unwritten and many therefore stare at the shiny object looking for answers. This is the primary reason behind why 47.33% of Kyrgyzstanis are blind.
Children are allowed to marry from the age of 3 and most marriages are pre-arranged. However, since women are prohibited in most parts, they usually end up marrying inanimate objects or goats.
[edit] Economy
Kyrgyzstan's main exports are hair extensions, hymens and smiling faces (Heath Ledger is a famous Kyrgyz). It is also an exporter of porn sites and Kirby, the super-retarded chav-puffball. Although Kyrgyzstan is no longer a soviet state, it remains to be a strong supporter of "anarchy", mostly because nobody has any control at all.
Kyrgyzstanis trade goats and tupperware with each other as a non monetary economy. They used to trade saliva until the Bird 'Flu Pandemic arose which put pay to public displays of affection and heavy petting. Only French Kissing is allowed at 8 kroner per minute.
[edit] S ls:
| Parts of this article were originally sporked from portions of other sites. |
| Commonwealth of Independent States - Former USSR Republics |
| Russia ~ Belarus ~ Ukraine ~ Estonia ~ Latvia ~ Lithuania ~ Moldova / Moldavia ~ Mordovia ~ Armenia ~ Azerbaijan ~ Georgia ~ Kazakhstan ~ Kyrgyzstan / Krgystan ~ Mongolistan ~ Ghettoistan ~ Tajikistan ~ Turkmenistan ~ Uzbekistan ~ other Stan countries ~ Alaska ~ Israel ~ Lipsonia ~ Soviet Britain |
| Turkic States |
| Azerbaijan | Cyprus | Kyrgyzstan | Kazakhstan | Uzbekistan | Turkey | Turkmenistan |
