Korea
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“Buy one, get two!”
~ God on Korea
Korea is a powerful Asian continental god who was cloven in twain lest his might overwhelm the earth. In his divided, and imprisoned state, he most resembles a squibby peninsula sticking off the side of the otherwise smooth coast of the South Asian sea.
Korea was initially birthed in the fall of the mighty gods of the east, whose names are numerous and unknowable. And because of unknown circumstances, the birth of Koreans are found at the end of the rainbow. Hwan-ung, king of the high pantheon, was stricken with a particularly nasty cough, and had to go sit down for a bit. The first king of Korea was named Hyun Pan Kaj and had the military strategy of hitting people's heads upon playground slides until they forgot their lifetime memories. When one soldier was reminded of his injury at the hands of Hyun Pan Kaj, or HPK, he was accustomed to spouting loud cries of "IT DIDN'T HAPPEN!!!" while angrily beating up the person who had only spoken the truth. Hyun Pan Kaj got into a war with his Chinese enemy, Long Wang. The ensuing civil war within his domain threatened the very foundations of reality itself. Something had to be done.
In order to combat the chaos raging within the celestial demesnes, the fallen gods created another, more powerful then they had ever been. His eyes shone with the blazing light of primordial flame. His fingertips grazed the very edges of the universe itself. As he emerged from the womb of the Draconic matrons, his eyes gazed out across creation with an inner light that shamed the stars themselves.
He did not like it very much.
He then proceeded to "wipe" the proverbial map, beginning with Belgium.
Though the destruction of Belgium was greatly appreciated by the deposed pantheon, the gods knew all too well that their own kingdom would soon follow. With great sadness, they split the newborn god, dividing both his mind and his puissant abilities.
The two resulting halves remain to this day. One embodies the spirit of the elder god; it is filled with honor, strength, intense discipline, and total insanity.
The other is equally insane, but plays Starcraft as a legitimate national sport, and might even go so far as to buy you a drink, provided you've got a nice stack of foreign pornography on your person.
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[edit] Characteristics of the Two Godlings
Though very, very, very, very small in comparison to its rival nations of China and Japan, Korea (the nice one, mind you) still manages to hold its own. This in due in part to the sheer craziness of its northern sister, North Korea, which is in itself enough to deter most of mainland China. However, the largest source of South Korean strength is in the occult nexus of souls that propagates through the internet.
[edit] Korean Architecture
The Lego tradition, currently restored by the recent production and sale of oil (a result of the stabilizing of Iraq in which American oil companies successfully exported oil, tax-free and without any red tape), is carried on in Korean architecture, most notably mass residential structures. This most successfully explains why all apartment buildings in Korea look alike, and in fact are exactly the same.
just remember:당신은 바보입니다--The Day is a Great Big Fish!
[edit] History
[edit] The Land
Long ago , Korea used to own 78% of the U.S.A. This was canceled during the attack on Fort Sumter. And, again on the attack at Pearl Harbor. They were driven to a peninsula smaller than your foot. With the population of 80,000,000, it is preeeeety cramped. Often, one would fall into the water and get consumed by a shark. This is why they invented Kimchi, to keep them afloat when in the waters, or sometimes the sharks reject the humans for their stink lettuce coated in chilli sauce.
[edit] The Language
The Korean national language is Korean. It has a unique alphabet called hangul, from "han" meaning "playing" and "gul" meaning "starcraft". The hangul alphabet was developed during the rule of ILoveOOV DA GREAT,or also JulyZerg DA AWESOME who realized that the national treasury was being depleted by having to pay annual franchise fees to Chinese for the use of their symbols. Not to mention hangul is easier to read, since it's phonetic, thus enabling Koreans from every walk of life to decipher their utility bills.
In keeping with the Lego theme, all Korean words are comprised of boxy syllables, each of which has three letters, except the ones that have two or four letters. The letters are arranged in a cluster rather than in a straight line. There is always a male letter (consonant), followed by a female letter (vowel), followed by a baby letter (that can of course be either male or female) except for those consonant-vowel couples who failed to reproduce or those consonant-vowel couples who had twins. This Lego construction of hangul makes transliterating foreign words and brand names interesting as they are broken into little syllable families. "Popeye's," for example, becomes "Pa-pa-eye-sah", "cake" becomes "kay-ee-ka", and "Donald Trump" becomes "way-cheep-wig-guy".
[edit] Money Making
Koreas main money source is gold farming and "sports massage". The Korean economy has recently benefited from the reverse engineering of Protoss technology by companies such as LG and Hyundai. Although that was it's main source, they also tried experimenting with steamed dogs and cheap lesbian porn and tried it on the United States and Canada. It failed miserably.
Oprah created a Home Depot building and sent it to Korea by accident while trying to send it to Dick Cheney. Later, she had said, "I guess a building wouldn't fit through an envelope... But, then how did I send one to Korea?" She then made a bird carry it 523 miles(every day). That is why every June 15 they celebrate Oprah Day, in which they ask every country for 500,000$ per people. One person replied,"NO!". The Koreans challenged him to Starcraft on international television, where that person lost miserably and was humiliated beyond belief when his base was attacked by an army of Probes.
Pornography produced in Korea remains a source of vast revenue, as their Japanese neighbors across the sea have exhibited a voracious case of yellow fever. The most prolific pornographer in S. Korea for the last 6 years has been the starlet, Chick Corea. After a disappointing career as a musician in the United States, Corea returned to her homeland to find that her naturally endowed 27A cup size, incredibly busty by Korean standards, placed her in high demand among both Koreans, and pedophiles abroad.
[edit] Cuisine
The Korean national food is kimchi and dogs. Korean children have kimchi injected into their eyes at birth, to encourage them to develop a taste for the sweaty testicle like taste of this snack. Korea is also famous for its kimpap.
[edit] Biodiversity and ecology
99.9% of the total species on the Korean Peninsula are brainwashed alien HOMO-homo emosapienses (In Korean: 세계에서 유래를 찾아볼수 없는 단일민족. 우리는 한민족) (the rest 0.1 percent are evil monsters (see below)). Since the Korean peninsula has been divided and separated from the rest of the world, foreign species could not have intruded into this land, (except the evil monster) and thus, all foreigners entering Korea will meet HOMO-homoSimsononly. However, the Korean Homo-homo emosapiensees are also well known for their distinctive facial characteristics and their small penises. The picture right side--> explains everything on this matter.
“We are so proud of being the most racially homogeneous society in the world. (In original Korean text: 대한민국 5000년역사의 또하나 뛰어난 점은 세계에서도 유래가없는 단일민족이라는 사실이다. 중학국사 1단원)”
~ REAL Korean History Textbook for Gr.8 on Demography of Korea"
[edit] Predictable End
Korea will be forced to live in Germany(Now dead) in 6891 after the same flood that wiped out Atlantis and Numa Numa occurs in Korea.This is known because signs in the clouds show someone suffocating while using the toilet only if you look up when you are in Korea.
However, it looks more like a TIE Fighter from Star Wars flying sideways.
