Kookaburra

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Kookaburra.

“Damn! These birds are nuts!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Kookaburra

“We're more famous than you!!!”
~ Kangaroos on Kookaburra
Evilkookaburra

He's watching you!

The Kookaburra is a bird from Australia that is infamous for its almost human-like laughter that can kill a child if one listens to a kookaburra for two minutes. They are commonly found living in Old Gum Trees and Eucalyptus trees. It got its name from some retard when he was exploring Australia to find new land. However, just 5 days after he named the bird, he was eaten by Drop Bears. Kookaburras are also the best assassins to hire!

One kookaburra has been reported for nearly killing M. Night Shyamalan, Hollywood's most twist-ending obsessed movie director in the world.

Behavior

Diet

Kookaburrawithclown

An unfortunate clown being eaten by a Kookaburra.

Kookaburras are a carnivorous species of bird. They are known to eat lizards, mice and clowns. They have also been known to eat cans of Chef Boyardee's Ravioli if there aren't any circuses nearby. They are also seen snarfing down gumdrops when they go into candy stores.

Reproduction

When it's mating season, the Male Kookaburras grab their grenades, knives, guns and go out on killing sprees to impress the female Kookaburra. Then the one that killed the most people in 1 week, gets the girl and lives happily ever after. Female Kookaburras can have up to five eggs, though one kookaburra family had 200 eggs at once.

Distribution

It is found everywhere in Australia and has been introduced to New York, Pennsylvania, Texas, Candy Land, and Mount Olympus.

Furthermore, the Kookaburras living in New York have adapted to their environment and have attacked and killed several people. One infamous case of an attempted kookaburra attack was in Brooklyn, where one former "Axis of Evil-Doers" member, Ron Jeremy was almost pecked in the stomach, but managed to scare them off since he was cosplaying as Sonic the Hedgehog.

Conservation Status

KillerKookaburras

These Kookaburras mean business!

The Kookaburra is often eaten by Dingoes, Drop Bears and Hellmo. The Kookaburra however, is in no danger of becoming extinct. In fact, they won't be until the end of time. They are commonly found in zoos all around the world, including the famous Central Park Zoo.

Other facts that no one gives a shit about

  • Kookaburras can't die of old age.
  • Some of them secretly work for Osama Bin Laden.
  • One just killed your dad!
  • A Kookaburra was discovered to be Hitler's mom.
  • There is a law in America that states you can't kill a Kookaburra, even if it attacks you.
  • They dance to the "Disney's Robin Hood" theme song. Find the song here.
  • Kookaburras are sexually stimulated by Hebrew language.

See also

  • Toucan, which isn't as evil as a kookaburra.
  • Battle pelican. I have no idea what it is, but look at it anyways.
  • Australia is where kookaburras come from, you fucknut!
  • Clowns are eaten by Kookaburras.
  • Flamingo, it's even scarier than a Kookaburra!

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