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“I love the smell of kebab. I love Kongsberg.”
“Kongsberg had to be burnt to the ground. Someone had to do it...”
“I have always loved Kongsberg, and I always will. Damn fine town!!”
raygoldmodels.com Kongsberg is the capital of librarians and eggs. The Norwegian town with around 20 000 inhabitants have the highest rate of librarians and egg-merchants in the world. One out of every 4 man in Kongsberg is doomed to an eternity of libraries, while only 1 out of every 9 female is a librarian there. Most workers have two jobs, often libarian and merchant in the egg-industry However, all is solved on November 14th when it is the national EGG-day in Norway. All eggs are made into the famous "egg-soup". All inhabitants in Kongsberg dance a special "Monkey-dance" where they rape monkeys while they wave with their arms. This is inspired by Johnny Bravo
Kongsberg was created by a drunk man from Denmark in 1624. His name was Christian, and he originally wanted to make a huge cookie factory there. His plans were disrupted by some kids (Helga and Jakob) who found silver there. Against Christian's will his advisors started to mine silver there. The two poor advisors mined completely alone for over a decade before Christian finally gave in and sent some German horse-cart drivers there to help them with the mining. After making the ground a huge hole for 300 years, the council in Kongsberg founded their first library. The miners ran up from the mines like cattle and started to educate themselves for librarians. And in 1976, after a lot of pressure, a law was passed allowing women to become librarians too. The fact that men had been librarians for 50 years already might be the main reason why there are so few women who are librarians compared to men. Kongsberg most famous person is Finn Peder. He currently resides in Oslo, where he followed through with his grandfather cookie-factory dream. He now has the chief-export product of Norway, the "Smalahåve-kjeks," a cookie made of disgusting meat. All together he has sold the magnificent amount of 1 cookie to Toitpants, the most famous person in Norway. Today, Kongsberg sell weapons to USA that kill civillians all over the world. The famous wooden stick "rompedaskeren" is among the most dangerous weapons of mass-destruction, leaving Kongsberg's many factories. The egg-industry in Kongsberg is also a source of money, beside the pay-for-books libraries of course. Hens from all over Scandinavia come to lay their eggs in a specific house in Kongsberg, and from there they are sold to hotels and restaurants. The owner of the little house, Jonathan, has been called Egghead during the last decade. He chose to live in isolation after some heavy insults from fanatic anti-egg organizations. In 2003, half of the population i Kongsberg died of disease. The reason for this was that they drank heavy polluted water with 50-60 % urine and a pint of the radioactive stuff Americium-241 The city's mayor and the police chief was killed by an angry mob during this period of great sorrow.
edit Fun facts
- You can walk from one end of Kongsberg to the other in 2.4 minutes.
- Out of Kongsbergs 20 000 inhabitants, 7000 are librarians.
- There is only one library in Kongsberg.
- Dispite having the highest number of librarians, The Gamle Norge regulars have never even seen a book.
- 'Halla' is the mating call of the local men, women and fully grown dancing babies.
- The average inhabitant of Kongsberg has never blinked. Even in times of annomosity the wide eyed stare prevails.
- Hitler was in Kongsberg three times during World War 2.
- Bill Clinton works as a supervisor in Kongsberg Library today.
- Chuck Norris has never, ever, ever, ever roundhouse-kicked a man in Kongsberg, even during his bad days.
- The unemployment rate in Kongsberg is the lowest in Norway.
- Wearing a baseball cap in Kongsberg alerts the other towns folk that you are angry.
- On the 22. of December, every year, the people of Kongsberg try their best to light the surrounding hills on fire, drink their own bodyweight in beer, and beat up people who stare at them for too long. This tradition has been named Drinking Day's Night; because proper grammar is the first thing to go when you're drunk.
- There is no public toilet in Kongsberg
- Local thugs have been known to drill holes in knee caps and fill them with dirty engine oil.
- Kongsberg has more Pizzeria's than phone boxes.
- Every second building in Kongsberg is either a kebab-shop or a Kentuckistan fried egg-restaurant.
- Kongsberg is home of the best sniper in the world of the game Battlefield 2.
- The well known Kongsbergman, Fuga, is in the Guinness Book Of Records for consuming most alcohol in the world without developing the "gamle norge"-syndrome; cirrhose, which is a long beard that is stuck in a mailbox.
- Kongsberg is the home of the diarrhoea-syndrome
- The famous statue of Birger Ruud in the centre of Kongsberg is actually the gull's favorite place to drop their dung.
- the Tinius Olsen secondary school is actually an Al-Qaida torture chamber
- In 1999, parts of Kongsberg was burnt to the ground by a fire. The investigation declared that a boy named Martin Løwah lit it with his fart and a lighter. He was inspired by Kenny in South Park.
edit Nature in KongsbergKongsberg has a very different nature apart from other parts of Norway. Large creatures of terror and pain travels the streets and eat all boys with the name Vegar, and librarians. A plant called poo-grass grow everywhere in Kongsberg. Math-teachers named Bacon-Marit are killed every day in Kongsberg, because of the dangerous "Fat-eater bear."
The only nice animal in Kongsberg is the Vegar-animal. It is very famous and is known for it's ability to sneak into people's ears and fart very loud. Here is a picture of it.
edit Famous persons from Kongsberg
- Vegar, a little boy known worldwide for his digestion problems (he has to sit on the toilet while he eats).
- Jonathan, the famous egg-merchant.
- Pølsemakern, A man with a sausage stuck in his anus
- André Diaré, suffers from diarrhoea and hydrocele at the same time.
- Martin Løwah, the famous hardcore gay-porn star.
edit Nerds in Kongsberg
Kongsberg is known for the high amount of computernerds. They are delivered in all sizes and skin colours, and often live in the area around KOVS, the secondary school. A subdivison of these computernerds is the Order of Gamingnerds. This is individuals that have decided to spend the rest of their life in the universe of Total War or Azeroth. Kongsberg is the first Norwegian town that grants nerds the right to torture bullies with stun-guns or sausages.