Kongsberg

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
“I love the smell of kebab. I love Kongsberg.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Kongsberg
“Kongsberg had to be burnt to the ground. Someone had to do it...”
~ Adolf Hitler on Kongsberg

Kongsberg is the world capital of librarians. This Norwegian town with around 26 543 inhabitants has the highest rate of librarians and kebab shops in the world. 25 % of the inhabitants in Kongsberg work in the library industry. Most workers have two jobs, often librarian and kebab shop keeper. Kongsberg is also known for having a big mining industry, but the silver mines were closed down after a bar fight between the manager of the company and his guinea pig in 1958.

edit History

Kongsberg was created by a drunk man from Denmark in 1624. His name was Christian, and he originally wanted to make a huge cookie factory there. His plans were disrupted by some kids (Helga and Jakob) who found silver there. Against Christian's will his advisors started to mine silver there. The two poor advisors mined completely alone for over a decade before Christian finally gave in and sent some German horse-cart drivers there to help them with the mining. After 300 years of mining and drinking, the town council in Kongsberg founded their first library. The miners ran up from the mines like cattle and started to educate themselves for librarians. The silver mines were closed in 1958 after the guinea pig incident mentioned above, and Kongsberg started making weapons of mass destruction instead. The most famous weapons from Kongsberg Våpenfabrikk are the Kongsberg Colt, the Krag-Jørgensen laser gun and a wooden stick call "Rumpedaskeren".

edit Politics

Kongsberg is governed by incompetent and corrupt Labour politicians, but the mayor loves the local library. He often eats his lunch there.

edit Did you know that...

  • ...you can walk from one end of Kongsberg to the other in 2.4 minutes.
  • ...out of Kongsbergs 20 000 inhabitants, 7000 are librarians.
  • ...there is only one library in Kongsberg.
  • ...despite having the highest number of librarians, The Gamle Norge regulars have never even seen a book.
  • ...'Halla' is the mating call of the local men
  • ...on December 22nd, every year, the people of Kongsberg try their best to light the surrounding hills on fire, drink their own bodyweight in beer, and beat up people who stare at them for too long. This tradition has been named Drinking Day's Night; because proper grammar is the first thing to go when you're drunk.
  • ...there are no public toilets in Kongsberg, only buckets.
  • ...Kongsberg has more pizzerias than phone boxes.
  • ...every second building in Kongsberg is a kebab-shop

edit Nature in Kongsberg

Kongsberg has a lot of mountains and forests. The local lakes are filled with infant feces and are therefore not suitable for swimming. The only animals living in Kongsberg are irritating, small dogs, flees and one angry moose.

Personal tools
projects