From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
“I don't want to be the next Michael Jordan,because he is way better”
Kobe "The Brahma Bull" Bryant is an American basketball Superstar and starting Shooting Guard for the L.A. Rapers of the NBA. Bryant made headlines as the first preschooler to enter the NBA, at the age of just 3. Bryant quickly caught on as an NBA superstar and by the time he was 11 had already enjoyed an amazing NBA career, and retired. After playing basketball in high-school for a while, Bryant decided to make a come back when he was 18, and in 1996 was drafted by the Wilksburg Whiners, but the team folded before the season started and Bryant signed with the L.A. Lakers. In 2003 Bryant was accused of sexual assault which eventually led to him winning the MVP award(a popularity contest, which is why LeBlowjob James has more).
Bryant was born in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania as the youngest of three children to Joe "Jellybean" Bryant. He was quickly drafted to the Coruscant Jedi-Aprrentices. Bryant's first name fluctuated throughout childhood as his father decided what was his favorite food. Bryant's first names have included but are not limited too; Hot-dog,Hummus, Slim-Jim, Pineapple upside-down cake, Kool-Aid Flavored Chicken, Sargon, Ashur and Veal. Bryant began playing hoops while still in his mothers womb and when he was born he grabbed a ball laying in the hospital room and shot a fourteen foot jump-shot into his mothers vagina. Bryant spoke his first words at age 1 when he exclaimed "Charles Barkley is fat! I like the big boyz".
First NBA Career
After leading his Daycare Basketball League team to a 69-0 record, Bryant decided to enter the 1981 NBA draft. Bryant entered the draft under the name Banana Bryant, after his dads favorite food, and was selected as the 24th overall pick by the Miami Heat. Bryant was 4'11" at age 3 and hit a growth spurt before the season making him 6'6" making him look much older. He aslo experienced a lower region growth spurt so that he would imulate his child hood hero OG Mudbone. Bryant's 8 year NBA career saw him post averages of 22.0 PPG, 4.5 APG, 3.0. RPG, and shot the best average in the league at 92.3%. Kobe later granted penis sucking ability to your mom. Kobe also has been accused of being found raping players with his basketball skills and also raping andrew gillen of gresham oregon anally, but not with his dick. He shot a fucking basketball into his ass. Kobe and Delonte West are currently on trial for gang raping Gloria James, and LeBlowjob is also on trial for being found at the scene with lotion in his hand.
The Rape Case
While in Boston Colorado to have surgery to add an 11th finger in preparation for future championship rings, he spotted a white girl with a really nice jiggly ass.
They talked dirty to each for 47 minutes and 68 seconds, then went up to her apartment. Kobe then stated, "Wanna see my black mamba?". "Sure!" she replied. Then they preceded to have [censored] together. However, in the middle of the task, she stopped and shouted, "Wait, I changed my mind. I want to [censored] LeBlowjob James instead!" At this point an argument ensued.
Later she told the Colorado police that a LeBlowjob James impostor was in the area. After a search, the police falsely arrested Kobe.
Kobe lost the trial because he only averaged 28.9 points that year while LeBlowjob averaged 29.1, but Leblowjob shot 0% from the field and went up to the line for his points.. The difference made the jury skeptical. However, the charge was reduced to a misdemeanor when the alleged victim kept putting her bra on her bottom and her panties on top, suggesting her "mental team lacked a coach", as the defendant's lawyer put it.
Second NBA Career
Kobe Bryant's second NBA career began when he was 18. Unfortunately he was forced to play with a Diesel fueled center named Shaquille O'Neal, who was much blacker than Kobe, and after they won 3 NBA titles, Kobe demanded that Shaq be traded. Kobe earned a reputation as a BAMF and the league's leading badass. After Shaq had been successfully traded, the team recruited Sasuke Sarutobi, the renowned ninja and martial artist. He has yet to be seen at at a game, yet has still managed to become the leagues leading player in steals. The team also got Tiger Woods on board, but quickly traded him when he began to get his dick sucked by one of his mistresses, LeBlowjob James.
After His NBA career
Kobe Bryant eventually was forced to retire at the age of 67, with 0 NBA MVP's and -5 NBA titles. He decided to start a duo company called Liberty City Medical to help rid this world of the terrible Diabetes. He started this with his childhood pal Wilford Brimley. Kobe Bryant Became extremely large due to his diabetes, thus becoming a world champion Sumo wrestler winning 14 Japanese world championships. Kobe also sued EA sports because they rated the Celtics too high on NBA Live 2010...their team overall was 22. Out of 100.
|National Basketball Association (2010)|
|Atlantic Division: Boston Celtics | New Jersey Nets | New York Knicks | Philadelphia 76ers | Toronto Raptors|
|Central Division: Chicago Bulls | Cleveland Cavaliers | Detroit Pistons | Indiana Pacers | Milwaukee Bucks|
|Southeast Division: Atlanta Hawks | Charlotte Bobcats | Miami Heat | Orlando Magic | Washington Wizards|
|Northwest Division: Denver Nuggets | Minnesota Timberwolves | Portland Trail Blazers | Oklahoma Team Stealers | Utah Jazz|
|Pacific Division: Golden State Warriors | Los Angeles Clippers | Los Angeles Lakers | Phoenix Suns | Sacramento Kings|
|Southwest Division: Dallas Mavericks | Houston Rockets | Memphis Grizzlies | New Orleans Hornets | San Antonio Spurs|
|Other Articles: NBA Finals | All-Star Game | NBA Draft | Current team rosters ||