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“Knock-off Nigel buys knock-off DVDs”
“No I don't!”
“Erm..wait a minute, I need a piss..”
Knock-off Nigel is an honest, law abiding citizen of 'Great' Britain, who has been heavily criticised in recent weeks for buying pirate Irish pornography using a stolen Blockbuster membership card. He is also rumoured to be a high ranked member of The Cult Of Nigels
Nigel was born in an Irish pub. He still lives there, to this day. Ironically, the first copied DVD he purchased was from a Caribbean pirate, who happened to be sailing on the Irish Sea.
edit Controversial Issues
An ongoing debate exists as to whether Nigel buys his DVDs from the weird Asian outside Sainsbury's, or the drug-dealing hippy outside school. Some sources tell us he actually excretes the discs, complete with plastic jewel cases. One person, who chose to remain annonymous, told of how she caught him trying to steal from her in a hospital toilet. See CCTV capture:
“To ensure no further impersonations take place, our toilets will now be fitted with barriers and charged at 20p per visit”
edit Everyday life since becoming a 'celeb'
Life has never been the same for Nigel since the beginning of June. He accidently (and somewhat idiotically) found himself posing for a Government-funded. Nigel is now paying his debt to society. He is now widely known as Knock-off Nigel (or KON, a hilarious play on the word 'convict'). He cannot enter a pub without being constantly mocked by his wife, or harassed by Blockbuster demanding their porn back. At the same time, serial killers and sex offenders are allowed complete freedom. By law.
edit Underlying Moral
“Don't do drugs, kids...”
Or you will end up exactly like the producers of this anti-piracy campaign: humiliated, confused, and inevitably on.
|There may be other stupid morals to this stupid campaign. These will be added as they are found by our team of secret undercover hippos.|