Kmart

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K-Mart, also known as the mart with a hell of a big "K" on it. To some, it is known as the Your Momma Is Poor Store is a store for poor people. Karl Marx founded The Karl Marx Corporation, the predecessor of Kmart, in 1899 in Poland, to begin a process of brainwashing the American people by selling them inferior products for exorbitant prices, (in theory it was meant to cause the collapse of capitalism). Karl's first retail establishment, a five-and-ten-cent store, resembled those operated by Albert Einstein to sell wool. The store grew into a chain known as 'Karl's Big Nut Ball Compendium'. By 1912, the chain operated 85 stores, and his socialist agenda was in full swing.


In 1915, Karl Marx, for unknown reasons, sold his buisness to Kelski, a Polish buisness tycoon.

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Kmart became known for its "blue light specials'. At surprise moments, a store worker would attach a mobile police light to the top of his squad car and escort a randomly chosen shoplifter out of the store. Most workers who did this were addicted to crack, and used their undercover status to acquire illicit drugs from K-mart shoppers. The phrase "code 44D in aisle 12" also entered into the American pop psyche. The meaning behind the K-mart code has never been cracked, but was featured in the Tony-winning 1988 musical Fountainhead Earth, in which John Travolta and Forest Whitaker both famously exclaim, "Kmart is the answer!"


During the 1970s, Kmart put a number of competing retailers out of business. In 1977, The Karl Marx Corporation changed its name to Kmart Corporation. In 1987, Kmart Corporation sold its remaining Karl's Big Nut Ball Compendium stores to John-boy Walton. In 1990 Kmart was almost put out of business by John-boy Walton and his chain of Walmart stores. Martha Stewart was able to prevent the collapse of communism in America by providing a rich supply of baked pies which kept Kmart from going into bankruptcy.

K mart is a place where you can get really shitty junk for an even shittier price.

In June 2007, Kmart struck a workforce deal with Vampire Americans. This was to ensure that Kmart will never run low on associates and good ones at that. This is been suggested since vampires can handle customers better, and drain them for their energy so that the vampire never gets tired, despite those long work weeks of upto 30 to 40 hours per week even on a part-time job. This relationship has gone unhindered until October 2007, when Target announced that they will be willing to pay an extra 75 cents an hour to all vampires that transfer from Kmart to Target. Now the race is on to see if Kmart will fight back and try to raise payrolls and benefits to keep their prized workforce.


Kmart's Past

Kmart has always been a successful buisness. In 1899, the first Kmart store was built in Poland. It was called Kelski Mertsinburger's Area for Real Television's. It was the worlds first electronic store. Eventually, the Polish found the name to be a little long, and changed it to Kmart.


The Future of Kmart

Kmart and Sears will join Circuit City, and Borders in the great big Liquidation Center in The Sky in August of 2012. Walmart then takes over the world.

Where Kmart has been advertised

Kmart has been advertised in many places, including these..

  • Cars
  • Trucks
  • Suvs
  • Benches
  • Billboards
  • Schools
  • Churches
  • Sidewalks
  • In your food
  • Gravestones
  • Wal-Marts
  • FuttBuckers
  • In your pants
  • Asylums
  • Target
  • In Court
  • American Airlines seats

Kmart Slogans

  • Your cheap-ass mothers put us into bankruptcy! Thanks a bunch. (1999-2004)
  • Your all-american deadweighttosears retailer (2004-2012)
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