Kitler
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| Kitler hates you and Mews | |
| |
| The Holy Kitler | |
|---|---|
| Species | Kitler's |
| Classification | The only Cats that look like |
| Position | Fuhrer of Germany and conqueror of France. |
| Motive | To kill all Mews |
| Weapon | Their meowing |
| Super Powers | Cutiness |
| Born | 20th April, 1889. |
| Death Date | 30th April, 1945. |
Contents |
[edit] Creation of the Kitler
Whilst in hyper-sleep, Ripley was impregnated by the non-huffable kitten on board the Nostromo, Jonesy. She chest birthed Kitler in her cryotube. It is obvious to see Kitler is the product of a Ripley/Jonesy mating as Ripley and Kitler both like to prove they are the most destructive being in all creation, like mother like son, by wiping out evil monsters to prove how evil a species they themselves are. Which just goes to show, the orange ones really fuck you up. But then kitten chest birthing happened alot on the Nostromo, every one knew it was going on all the time and didn't try to prevent it.
Because of the pervasiveness of feline experimentation and chest birthing on the Nostromo, many other Kitler creation experiments had already been attempted. Most were complete failures. A few produced interesting and bizarre results, but were of little practical value. Therefore, this most recent development was not treated with much regard. However, the new Kitler escaped containment, showing significantly more intelligence than the other proto-Kitlers. Soon, Jewish members of the crew were found gassed in their quarters. Kitler's reign had begun.
[edit] Do I have a Kitler?
You know your cat is a Kitler when it does 2 or more of the following things.
- It Hates Americans (which is understandable)
- It makes things that are lumpy but mostly soft but mostly runny on your carpet
- You wake up in the middle of the night to check that it hasn't snuck out of the house to invade Poland.
- It Hates Mews
- If you make it take a bath it hisses and claws at you
- You never seen it at home
- It isn't home a lot
- It has small moustache
- It looks like it is Emo, which it probably is
- It
onceALWAYS TRIED TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD - It pisses on your sheets and lips when you're asleep
- It falls asleep on your face so often that it seems as if it is doing it on purpose, which it is!
- It signs a tweety with Pussolini
- has left to join the cazi/nazi.
[edit] So you have a Kitler
Don't fear, here some rules to help take care of your kitler.
- Don't let it get fat. It will hate you more if it is fat.
- Don't try to cuddle with it. It will hate you more, and you'll come out of it severely injured.
- Don't let it near the news or newspaper. It's better that you don't know why.
- Don't smile when you see it, they hate smiles.
- Don't get a dog, that's the last thing you want. Especially if you wish the dog to stay alive.
- Don't let it go outside. It may never come back.
- Don't attempt to huff a Kitler! This will be disastrous for all involved.
- Don't shave it or try to dye it's hair/'tash unless you want to look like a scratching post.
- Don't let it near any Mews. Actually, scratch that one. This is usually entertaining.
- If you wish to keep your kitler alive, keep it away from the Non-Huffable Kitten at all costs!
- Pretend to enjoy cleaning out its litterbox. This will amuse it.
[edit] Legacy
Kitler is internationally renowned for being a murderer of innocent Mews during WWII ( Wild Warping #2). Many infamous concentration camps were established under his reign, including "Meowshwitz", where Mews were killed mercilessly. Popular methods of murder were:
-Attaching Kitler's mouth to a pipe which eventually led to hermetically sealed room, where awaited a voluminous amount of Mews; one whiff of Kitler's breath could kill all. - Stabbation with a fang of one of his minions. These fangs are diamond hard and, again, stink like shit. -Shooting. Nothing special about this.
[edit] See Also
