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“FUCK THE GUITAR. I AM A NOSE DIGGER.”
“How many times will I have to tell you, not to put nose shit into my food.”
Kirk Hammett (Born - November 18, 1962) is a legendary guitarist of the rock band Metal-Lick-A-"AssOfAPussyFuckingBitch", under the pseudonym of Carrot Monster. But fans like to call him Tomato Monster instead. Kirk Hammett was born on Friday The 13th on the runway of a deserted airport and was found by Vin Diesel who was waiting to kill Chuck Norris. Instead Vin took baby Hammett home and gave him a bath in the coldest water imported from Antarctica. Thus Hammett's personality as a homosexual, sexual-hypochondriac, necro-sexual, Dr. Hammett and Mr. Kammett, face-maker, name-giver, fucked-up-tuner-in-the-ass guitarist; developed.
edit Early Life as a Name-Giver and Sexual-Hypochondriac
Kirk Hammett first gave names to Vin Diesel, John Travolta, Sean Connery, Osama, Obama and himself, before meeting James Hetfield asking him to join the mischievous group, Tee-Taa-Tee-Tee, which excels in giving names. Kirk original names are as follows :-
Vin Diesel - Din Viesel
John Travolta - Tohn Jravolta-Jravolta Tohn
Sean Connery - Pee-puu-paa-paa
Osama - Ruskin Zond
Obama - James Jond
(himself) - Bruce Wayne
As a sexual hypochondriac, he wrote excessive autobiographies of animals he has sex with. Firstly a hungry tiger, a hedgehog, a giraffe, a hibernating anteater, a sea-horse (sea-horse???? How will his dick fit in????), a flying-hippopotamus, a jumping zebra and a sleeping pea'cock'. Legend says, he also had sex with Pokemons, making Poke-Humans.
Once he also killed all the Poke-Humans with a M60; being angry after losing a game of hopscotch. Then he turned his mind towards Digi-Humans, but as soon as he arrived, the Digimons all ran away in despair.