King of the Shrews

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

The king of the shrews, upon his return to earth after sodomizing Xenu and eating his body from the inside out

Part of a series of articles on

Christianity

History of Christianity Jesus The Apostles Ecumenical councils Great Schism The Crusades Reformation

The Trinity God the Father The Son (Jesus Christ) The Holy Spirit

The Bible Old Testament New Testament Apocrypha The Gospels Ten Commandments Sermon on the Mount

Christian theology Fall of Man · Grace Salvation · Justification Christian worship

Christian Church Roman Catholicism Eastern Orthodoxy Protestantism Christian erudition Christian denominations Christian movements Christian ecumenism Christian scholastica Christian discourses

Important Figures Apostle Paul Church Fathers Augustine · Aquinas Wycliffe · Luther Calvin · Trammell Carver · Wesley Seaborg

Ring of the King of the Shrews.

Due to errors in translation combined with out right hallucination induced by kitten huffing, it is widely believed that the great illusionist and expert bestialist known as Jesus of Nazareth was "The king of the Jews". However this is completely untrue. It has been revealed by the emancipated spirit of L. Ron Hubbard's Mimi that the correct title for the Nazarene was "King of the Shrews". As he was, in fact, a shrew, rather than a hook nosed greedy Emo vermin from Syria. It has also been revealed that the Jews are not the chosen people, but rather the Shrews. In any thinking regions of the world (of which there are none) this could have been easily realized, given the fabulous wealth, technological, economic, and cultural superiority of the Shrewish race and the long history of no one liking the Jews (especially God, who invented AIDS to kill off the Jewish population who primarily feed by intravenous injections of homosexual blood).

[edit] Acts attributed to The King of the Shrews

• Farted the Red Sea during the exodus (Up until this point, there was no Red Sea; Reportedly it was caused by a terrible bout of diarrhea brought about by listening to U2's latest album)
• Founded Sodom and Gonorrhea, two pinnacles of Shrew civilization until riots incited by niggers led to their collapse.
• Initiated the Big Bang, which although did not create the universe, it did create a fairly large percentage of it's inhabitants. (See the link for Big Bang)
• Burned the Globe Theatre to the ground to punish William Shakespeare for blaspheming his holiness with "The Taming of the Shrew". Although this is not verifiable on our plane of existence, it is if one can transcend to Jefferson Airplane.
• Creating Chuck Norris