“I am Bob. I am King. I control the internet. You do not, Penguin.”
Bob is the King of the Internet. See Bob? That's his desk there. From that desk, he RULES the Internet. Wherever you go on the Internet, you'll find him. Bob is there. He RULES your message board, your blog, your IRC channel, your wiki. He's in every social grouping.
Bob, as he is known to his friends, is a difficult man to describe physically, as nobody has ever seen him. The only things that are known about his physical appearance is from the descriptions of himself that he gives online. He assures us that he looks like Ryan Gosling, but taller and more muscular, with eyes as deep blue as the sea after a storm.
He knows everyone, and if he doesn't then he knows someone who does. Knowledge and connections are power, and he RULES the Internet. People have banned him from their Livejournals. But they're FOOLS, because Bob IS their petty journals and Bob RULES the Internet. Someone has to take responsibility, and the buck stops at Bob.
He'll never reproduce. But he RULES the Internet. He RULES from that desk. The cat piss stench, yeah, it's unbelievable. But he RULES from that desk.
He assures us that he has an extremely active sex-life, often sleeping with several women at once. Despite his hectic love-making schedule, he always finds time to respond to people on forums with a steady flow of LOLs and OMFGs.