King George I

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George I
King of the United Kingdom
George I
Reign 1714 - nobody cares
Born 1660
A Basement
Died 1727
A box
Predecessor Queen Anne I
Successor Does it really matter ?
Issue 1 billion unnamed all from different women
Father A Basement-dweller
Mother A Cow

edit How George became Monarch

Long, Long ago in a place far, far away, well, not that far away, was a King called James II. But because Parliament were all haters of Catholics very judgemental, they exiled him. So along came William of Orange, who forced James II's daughter, Mary II , to marry him lawfully married James II's daughter, Mary II. Then was Anne I. Once again, Parliament forbid a Catholic monarch. So from out of nowhere, they pulled out George I. He was a Lutheran and had the box set on order from the BBC. George was dull, stupid very German. He had locked away his wife and murdered her lover so was also cruel. And dull. And his wig kept falling over his eyes.

In 1714 he got a message than Queen Anne was dead. His mother Sophia had expected that call but she had died a few weeks earlier so it was King Georgy after all. He took his time to travel and arrived three months to take over his new kingdom. George said (in German) he had never seen such an ugly bunch of people since his last visit to Berlin and so expected he would 'blend in' very easily. The composer and arch toady, George Handel composed an symphony in the new King's honour. It was was called The Waterworks but sprung a leak before the first performance.

edit Reign on the throne

George I spent many years on the throne. Probably because he had overdosed on laxatives before he came over to England. One thing is, when he had finished in 1727, it needed a good clean out (He ate a lot).

edit Prime Minister

George I was too lazy and obese to run the country. So he got a Whig MP called Robert Wall-Pole to do it for him. However, he quit after being strapped to a wall and being hit by a pole.

edit See Also

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