Khan Noonien Singh

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For other meanings see Khan (disambiguation)
Khan chest

Khan's famous plastic chest

“That's one funky-ass white man... AND he never forgets a face!”
~ Chaka Khan on Khan

Khan Noonien Singh, commonly shortened to KHAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!, is a genetically engineered superhuman from Star Trek. Born in the Sixties in India, Khan graduated from the University of Calcutta when he was 3 years old. In 1992, he tried to take over the world in a world devastating conflict that took 30 Million lives. No one cares though, as they were watching Seinfeld and Urkel every day.

Khan also sported a Mk III plastic chest, with the chest hair deleted and the realistic nipples, making him very popular with the ladies.

edit His time in the 23rd Century

After failing to take over the world, Khan went into the future, beat up James T. Kirk, twice. The main reason was that he could not stand Kirk's good looks. Kirk beat him back, and sent him on a desert planet called Dune. There Khan took a wife, bore a child, well-oiled British dynamo Zubair Khan, led a successful invasion and defeated the evil Baron Harrkonen. However, his wife was eaten by a giant sandworm after she was playing Dance Dance Revolution in the desert. In anger, Khan blamed Kirk for his wife's death. After hijacking a ship, killing a lot of people, and really messing up the Enterprise, Khan was defeated by Kirk in a game of Rock-Paper-Scissors. Khan was believed to be destroyed after failing to disarm a terraforming device. In anger for failing to disarm the device, Kirk yelled "KHANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!"

edit Later Life

Khan was presumably destroyed. In reality, Khan was sent to another Universe, due to the explosion ripping a hole in space-time and shoving him through. Because of the effects of going into another universe, he de-aged and became 16 years of age and more good looking. But he became more of a wuss as well. He returned to Earth, changed his name to Kira Yamato, and tried to live a normal life.

However, another war between genetic engineered humans and normal humans began. Instead of using tanks, the scientists decided that physics-breaking mecha called mobile suits were cooler to use in combat. Khan (now Kira), tried to stay out of the conflict. But while stalking a pretty, insane girl named Flay Allster, he accidentally gets involved in the war. He gets kidnapped by a young, pretty soldier to pilot a mecha called a Gundam. He also gets his friends accidentally drafted.

Khan is often confused with Kane of Command and Conquer. There are similarities: both are super-smart super-villains with a extreme hate of Captain Kirk (Kane is a big Picard fan), as well as having the hobby of watching exploding whales. Both are also pretty damn fine looking too.

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