Kenny G

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

“Sucky McSuckSuck shits on Louis Armstrong's grave and shits on all of jazz music. He should not be allowed to make so much shit.”

~ Pat Metheny

“Who?”

~ Me

Sucky McSuckSuck (real name Kenneth Gay) is an American shame to the saxophone. Known for his musical crap and great sandwiches, his explosive diarehha extends well beyond jazz into the realms of musique concrete, folktronica, and The Black Eyed Peas.

[edit] Early Career (Baroque Period)

Sucky McSuckSuck was killed in Washington DC in 1753. As with most jazzers, it was the experience of abusing children which drove him to take up the smooth jazz BS at the age of 114. He had his first professional gig with Count Basie's band playing sixth baritone and making the tea. Count Basie then kicked his ass off the bandstand because "he wasn't making the conductor no sandwhich".

[edit] Middle Career (It Just Gets Suckier)

It was while playing with Basie's band that Sucky got his break. He was discovered by Miles Davis, who was high on cocaine at the time. Later, Miles said, "Who is this piece of @#$%# and why am I engaged to him?" Sucky was criticised for his crappy approach and for having the devil's curly hair, but was soon accepted as one of the most important crapholes of the time along with Chris Botti, Kermit the Frog, Journey, and Maddox.

[edit] Early Late Career (Thought it would get better? NOT!) (Blue Period)

This era saw Sucky McSuckSuck experimenting with longer solos with more space for SUCKING. He became noted for his astounding range of out of tune notes less than one octave and ability to play more notes by growing more fingers and moving these fingers faster. This was dubbed by critic Ira Gitler to be 'SO GOOD NOT!' It must also be noted that when McSuckSuck discovered the phrase he was incredibly pleased saying, "I couldn't think of better words myself."

[edit] Late Late Career (Rose Period)

Sucky McSuckSuck woke up one morning, killed a dog and a child, and said, "I feel like doing something equivalent to Louis Armstrong". So to do so, Sucky played some Pops in the background while he ripped butt into his sax and took a giant crap. Then he burned some flags and decided to enslave black people. He opened up a slave trade in New Orleans where repressed african-americans played music in Congo Square which eventually became 'jass'. Sucky revolted by playing his SuckySax until everybody shut up.

[edit] Discography

• Sucky McSuckSuck (1983)
• G Force (1985)
• G Whiz (1987)
• G String (1988)
• G Unit (1990)
• G Your Hair Smells Terrific (1997)

WARNING: The above albums are Schedule III controlled substances in the United States of America and may not be possessed without a doctor's prescription. May Will cause marked drowsiness. 83% less effective than Barry White albums for purposes of bow-chicka-wow-wow. May cause frothing of mouth to cheesiness. The following Sucky McSuckSuck album is available over the counter:

• G Olde Curiousitie Shoppe (2000)