Kenny G

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Kenny G
Scientific classification
Kingdom Alien
Phylum Long-Haired Aliens
Class Aliens With People Names
Order Saxophone Aliens
Family Soprano Saxophone Aliens
Genus Kenny
Species G

Kenneth Gorelick, or Kenny G (June 5, 1956) is most famously known as the saxiest man to walk the planet. He has set many records as being the highest-selling solo artist that possesses talent. Born on the planet of Venus, Kenny G has spent the last few decades creeping out Americans everywhere.

edit Discovery

According to CNN, the first Kenny G citing was in 1982 when a group of Seattle residents saw some monster fall out of an airborne UFO. This alien only had one possession with him, a mutated straight saxophone. Kenny spent his young alienhood playing soft melodies on his sax in downtown Seattle.

edit Prison Guard

The saxist residents of Seattle could not stand hearing the stick-like saxophone twenty-three and a half hours a day (Kenny spent the other thirty minutes emptying the spit in his saxophone off top of the Space Needle), so a luxurious prison asked Kenny to play his sax to soothe the prison riots. Violence was reduced by 83% in the prison when he began his profession, but intimacy increased by 234%. The prison guards had to fire him after creating the love-bug in the prison, but his work for the prison was featured in a Super Bowl XLV commercial.

edit Hair

Kenny G has been noted for having perfect curly hair. In fact, a curl of his hair once sold for $451,000 on eBay which is noted as the second highest selling hair follicle in history (behind Britney Spears after shaving her head). His hair was also voted #1 on the People's Magazine World's Sexiest 80's Style Brown Hair that Crosses Shoulder Length by a Man. This trademark hair has also helped him attract many ladies, including Yoko Ono. The two were featured in a South Park episode and led the World Wide Recorder Concert in New York. However, due to a last-minute edit in the music, the entire population at the concert crapped their pants due to the brown note.

edit Legacy

Today, Kenny G is still famous and is one of the highest-selling artists off all time. He is the hero of all saxophone players and made the soprano saxophone as famous as the man who invented the backspace key on the keyboard. In Katy Perry's music video of the song "Last Friday Night", Kenny G is the life of the party and plays his sax like a boss.

edit Sexy Sax Man

After releasing a hit YouTube video, Sergio Flores (known as Sexy Sax Man) challenged Kenny G to the ultimate saxophone duel. That competition was held to determine who had the sexiest rendition of "Carless Whisper" on a saxophone. However, the duel was interrupted by Bill Clinton, who came at a very inopportune moment. This was frowned upon by Congressmen and politicians, so Clinton was impeached. Kenny G and Sexy Sax Man went on tour without Bill Clinton after the duel ended in a tie.

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