Ken Jennings
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“What is "fucking cheater"?”
~ Ken Jennings on Jeopardy
“I taught him everything he knows.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Ken Jennings
“What is "the above quote is completely accurate".”
~ Ken Jennings on the above quote
“I'll take your life for $4,000.”
~ Ken Jennings
“The reason why Gilligan never got rescued from the island is because then the show would end. Maybe they could do a spinoff or something, but I don't know who would watch it.”
~ Ken Jennings on one of the only things he doesn't know, as well as one of the things he does know
Ken Jennings was once an elf in Santa's shop where the working conditions were that of a third world sweatshop. Jennings had a dream to become a dentist, but never spoke of it because Santa would whip any elf who entertained the idea of leaving his factory.
On May 1, 1969 Timothy Leary, Hunter S. Thompson and some guy whose name nobody remembers landed on Santa's evil Coast Of Indenture to free the enslaved elves.
To their astonishment only one wanted to be freed, Ken Jennings. The rest said they were happy to whistle in the dark and sleep on rusty nails, which they did.
Leary, Thompson and the other guy brought Jennings back to the United States where Jennings lived out a full life in New York City with his partner Oscar Wilde and ran a successful, private dental practice until his death on December 25, 2019.
Jeopardy Streak + Hatred for Trebek
After winning over $1,000,000 on Jeopardy in 2004, this ultra-smart, half-Mormon, half-Japanese decided to spend the money in the best way he knew; going around the world learning how to beat people up. he eventually made it all the way to Japan to learn the Hokuto Shinken martial arts style. Originally, he was going to use this style to make Alex Trebek's head pop like a zit on the forehead of a hormonally challenged teenager. Unbeknownst to Ken however, the entire United States was obliterated by a nuclear accident caused by a drunken George W. Bush, who was sulking over his last day in office after losing to John Kerry, tripped over his dog and accidentally hit the "missile launch" button on his desk, with said missiles pointing at Iran. Iran retaliated by launching all their weapons at the US. After returning, changed from a weak-kneed Mormon brainiac to a muscle-bounded, mullet rocking, Mormon brainiac, Ken set out on his quest to eliminate Alex Trebek once and for all. Trebek, however, had become the ruler of the entire Westside. Jennings would have to fight all his henchmen, plus five past Jeopardy champions who were not able to continue on because of the old five-day rule, which forced them off the show after five days of winning. Conveniently, all had learned Hokuto Shinken while Kenshiro was on his massive winning streak on Jeopardy. They, along with Kenshiro Jennings, are all known as the Hokuto Jeopardy Brothers. So, the saga will continue as they continue the fight to see who will become champion.
