Kate Bush

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

“Up yours Babooshka, ya ya!”

~ Kate Bush on Mushrooms

“I'm not particularly enthralled with the idea of Kate's bush - but I'm certain her tradesman's entrance would be

lovely!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Kate Bush

“'Fank gawd for Kate Bush, or no one would accidentally buy my music.”

~ Kate Nash on Kate Bush

Kate W. Bush is the 43rd President of the United States, although she is more renowned as an eccentric

singer-songwriter. Kate W. Bush, the W being for Wardrobehound, can, in fact, move at the speed of light - as seen in the videofor Wuthering Heights. She is also responsible for preventing the Nazi invasion of England. Adolf Hitler is quoted as saying: "Out of respect for Kate Bush, a true Nordic princess of the Fatherland, I cannot occupy the land she considers home. And anyway, I want to propose to her next month, I've got the ring ready and everything." Kate Bush is known for her abundance of pubic hair, which has won many awards (including the Grammy,best female pubic topiary and the 2005 nobel prize in economics). She has a personal fortune estimated to be in the region of 300 billion U.K pounds, along with other cash deposits placed in various banks scattered throughout the Milky Way Galaxy.

Contents 1 Biography 1.1 Death 2 Music 3 The KT Band 3.1 "The Kathi Demos"(10, 000 BC - AD 1973) 3.2 The Dick Inside (1978) 3.3 Lionheart (1978) 3.4 Never For Ever (1980) 3.5 The Dreaming (1982) 3.6 Hounds of Love (1985) 3.7 The Sensual World (1989) 3.8 Kate Bush and the Great Earth-Mars War 3.9 The Red Shoes (1993) 3.10 The (almost) "lost songs" (1982-1996) 3.11 Aerial (2005-06) 3.12 Present 4 Miscellaneous 4.1 Running up that hill 4.2 Top 10 Selling Albums 5 Baseless Rumors= 5.1 Kate Bush on Writing 5.2 Television Appearances 6 See Also

[edit] Biography

The original Kate Bush was not a bush at all, but a tree of the genus "Pretensuosa". The tree in question was found on the border between England and Wales in the mid 14th Century and became renowned for its large pink flowers.The current incarnation of Kate Bush was born to Haivabik Bušh, a Czech afterlife psychic, and her husband, Irish-Kenyan Barack Obama, a physicist. Kate has a twin sister named Jenna, and another twin sister named Barbara. Her twin brothers, George and Jeb, died at birth. The difference between how Kate was before her unbirth and after her birth can be seen quite clearly when comparing footage of her from the eighties and the nineties. Of course, this is because eighties Kate Bush is not Kate Bush at all, but her attractive mother. The real Kate Bush is a wretched mess of flesh and meat, not unlike the Alan Titchmarsh/Toxic Avenger if

he also had wonky breasts and a more noticeable wandering eye. She is also considerably less productive and talented than her mother. Her last album took exactly 10,000 days to make (approximately 12,000 years). Her most popular song from that album, entitled "Holy Cornhole" was "Gabooshka Fuck You" in which she portrayed comic book character, Red Sonja. Kate Bush's life is a well documented affair, documented by none other than H. G. Wells in his biographical film Alien 3. In the film's third act, however, Bush is made to choose between her own life and the life of the human race. This is simply not true. In reality, Bush was really made to choose between the life of some pigeons nested on her clothesline or the clothes that were constantly being soiled. She chose the former and spent much of her life indoors, fearing public shame. On the odd occasion she did leave the house Bush would usually cover herself in vines to hide the stains.

[edit] Death

Unfortunately, the outer surface of Kate Bush's body was far too permeable to the planet's atmosphere, what with it being nside-out and all. Thus, she was only able to survive for 27 seconds after being born before being infected with X-mas and itching her genitals to death. Unhappy with the brevity of her brief life, Kate fled to the moon on a rocket-ship. On the moon, Kate had her first child Berty, before meeting Berty's imaginary friend Buzz Lightyear and marrying him. Kate had her first child with Buzz and named him Berty. Kate proclaimed herself King of the Moon (poisoning the Toast King by putting arsenic in his coffee) and wrote an album about metrosexual inuets. The album was a failure and Kate's fame rocketed back down to earth where no one cared anymore. Kate has since changed her name to Catherine Earnshaw and weighs 400 pounds, she roams her Cheshire mansion by night and at day is often sighting singing up on the roof.

[edit] Music

Kate Bush's music is very eclectic in its inspiration, and is generally held by the British public to be the best fucking music ever, which is an appropriate sentiment given that Kate's music seems to be mostly about fucking. It's either about fucking, or it's about something related to fucking, or it's erotically-charged and makes you dream about fucking. The late George Carlin said of Kate Bush: "This is what's wrong with America; you can't make an album that has anything unsavory, for instance drugs or blowjobs, because, God forbid, it's a bad influence on children. Fuck me, over in Britain they have a singer called Kate Bush. Ever heard of Kate Bush? All of her songs are essentially, about fucking!"

[edit] The KT Band

Between the years 1975 and 1979 Kate Bush was accompanied by her own troupe of musicans called the KT Band. These individuals are thought to have originally been a band of Knights Templar warrior-monks transported to contemporary Earth via a wormhole. They encountered Bush while scavanging for food on a rubbish tip just outside of Lewisham three weeks after their arrival; Kate becoming their leader by defeating their original Prior-Marshall (Roger Du Coursy) in a magical duel. Their input to Bush's musical compositions is highly disputed - but several commentators have remarked on the numerous references to Freemasonry, hidden Templar treasure and medieval heresies appearing in Bush's songs throughout the 1970's. Their logo is thought to represent the activation panel of an ancient Martian super-weapon buried under Mons Olympus - which they had been venerating as a sacred relic. The original was lost through Bush accidentally leaving it on the table of an Ealing wine bar - its present wearabouts is presenty unknown. Kate Bush is thought to have given her band the name "KT" as a promotional gimmic for her 1978 "Lionheart" album; which was to be marketed with the bi-line -"Lionheart! -here comes KT KT KT!". This was scrapped due to its feared detrimental impact on the U.K's mental health.

Despite their role as backing musicans for Kate Bush they still remained an active Templar unit - one of their training videos being put to music by Bush and released in conjunction with her song "Army Dreamers (here come the Templars)!" The bracketed sub-title was dropped from later editions due to pressure from the Vatician. Many commentators have linked this to their official absolution from heresy charges (outstanding since AD 1313) five months after this "editorial correction". The reasons underlying this chain of events remain obscure to this day. After almost 4 years with Bush, the KT band vanished suddenly in December 1979 while waiting for a bus in central London. Their rumoured involvement in the 1989 Great Earth-Mars war, particularly in the bloody assault on the Temple-Castle of Aurrrah Almarrada, High Tryant of Mars is presently unconfirmed. In his book And still they come!....a popular history of the Great Earth-Mars War, the military historian Trebor Eroom speculates they perished heroically while successfully laying the anti-matter bangalore breeching charge that demolished complexes' adamantine walls. However, it should be noted that various Internet sites have featured numerous sightings of several band-members after 1990, many reports claiming they are often accompanied by Elvis, Gurdjieff, Wilheim Reich and/or Catherine Earnshaw.

[edit] "The Kathi Demos"(10, 000 BC - AD 1973)

Much secrecy surrounds the mysterious "Kathi demos" marking the inception of Kate Bush's career, which she compiled over the space of a dozen previous lifetimes. It is said these songs lead to the discovery of Bush by Kidd Knapp, bongo player for the Space Acid rock group "Orange Harry"; first hearing them while streaking outside her house sometime in July 1973. Knapp was sufficently impressed to make a 'demo of these broody, deep and intense but also uplifting and optimistically pessimisitic ditties on a wax cylinder recording device placed within a bucket of water. After three years of intensive lobbying, Knapp managed to get Bush a recording contract with EMU records. However, six months later Knapp was killed by a low-lying UFO while streaking on Clapham Common. In thanks for his support, Bush recorded the song "Running down that Common (now he deals with God!)" in his honour.

These hard-to-discern but significant songs have since become valued collectors items among Bush's fan-base - and also by her admirers not mounted on rotary cooling devices. They have nonetheless remained notably obscure, due to an unfortunately high mortality rate among their collectors. Police have yet to apprehend the killer - the prime suspect described by various surviving eyewitnesses as being 5 foot 3.5 inches high with long dark hair and wearing a flowing white dress.....

The actual composition of the Kathi demo canon is highly disputed - a factor not helped by the high homicide rate suffered by collectors. However, most agree they consist of the following:-

• "Not much of a song":

A tuneful uplifting melody that runs for only 22.3141 seconds; it has been compared to Bush herself - talented, but short!

• "Surrender unto the Romans":

Recounts the last days of Boudica, spent hiding in her potting shed.

• "Frightened Ayes":

The crew of the Maire Celeste slowly realise they an't going home....

• "Queen Edmund":

A tragic love ballad about the first openly gay king of England - who hangs himself in grief when his boyfriend runs off and joins a vampire clan.

• "Cussy-Cussy (Bushy Bushy)":

Bush imagines life as a sufferer of Torrettes syndrome.

• "The Craft of Death:" (also known as "Grey Matter"):"

A musical rendition of Mac Brazil's discovery of a crashed UFO at Roswell, New Mexico.

• "Passing Through Ayr":

Kate Bush embarks on a musical journey through Scotland....

• "Fired inside a snowball":

The sad story of an unemployed eskimo human cannonball.

• "Orgasmic Alkaline":

Represents a doomed love affair based mainly on the mutual consumption of non-acrid substances. It contains the immortal (and maybe immoral) bi-line "....by the third week of the relationship they were orgasmic on alkaline..." The song is notable in being co-produced with her brother,the supersting theory poet John Carter of Mars-Welling.

• "Deli":

Details the day in the life of a Bexleyheath sandwich bar.

• "Way-too-Close - baby":

A change for Bush, as she deals out the rejection in this song - in this instance to her first boyfriend, Darth Vader.

• "No-show Angel":

Recounts the moving story of a Guardian spirit who becomes sceptical of his own existence, due to being the protector of Richard Dawkins.

• "Lionhearts - arrrhhh! where be they, then?":

An early attempt to cash on the popularity of English West Country dialect songs popular at the time.

• "Falling off a heathy-cliff (it hurts me - not sooo soft!"):

A song of failing relationships and falling great distances onto hard surfaces. A rewritten version of this song may have been the basis for "Wuthering Heights".

• "Strained outside the moonbase":

Celebrates the first hiatus hernia acquired by a lunar colonist during the mid-21st century.

• "While Davy dozed, the Gipsy solved!":

Envisions Davy Crockett and Urrakka the Gipsy as a crime fighting duo - crockett here represented as suffering from dropsey,leaving Urrakka to do all the work.

• "That's really scary (let's get going!)":

Bush dreams of meeting herself in a parallel universe identical to our own...

It is also suggested that further melodies should be added to the Kathi Demo canon; namely "Unknown Song", "The Other Unknown Song", "Unknown Song II" (or "Forgotten Melody"), "Yet another Unknown song" (sometimes known as "Sunrise over my piano")and "This might be a new song - or just static" (or maybe an actual song called "Just Static!"). There may be a further recording - but some commentators believe this is only "Unknown Song" and "The Other Unknown Song" spliced together by Bush while high on wholemeal bread accidentally contaminated by ergot.

[edit] The Dick Inside (1978)

Kate Bush's first album was called The Dick Inside, and for the most part is about fucking. The title, in conjunction with the video for the song Wuthering Heights, is regarded a clever marketing ploy to boost sales with teenage boys. The album opens with 20 seconds of whale orgasms, leading into the first song which is about making love to complete strangers. The next track, The Saxophone Song, is a ballad about a girl listening to her hot German saxophonist boyfriend ramble on while she dreams about him going down on her using the fluttertongue technique. In Strange Phenomena Kate sings aboutthe magnetic pull of the moon on her breasts to indicate which direction Pink Floyd guitarist David Gilmour is walking in. Kite is about being at the climax of an orgasm, featuring the memorable lyrics "Beelzebub is achin' in my belly-oh, my feet are heavy and are rooted in my welly-ohs!" which is of course a euphemism for wanting hot filthy sex. The Man With A Child In His Eyes is about a woman whose husband is a pederast and is molesting a boy he met at a local beach, though he is under the delusion it's romantic. Feel It is about the awkward transition between coming inside for a coffee and coming inside, if you get my drift. The last track on the album, The Kick Inside, is about a girl who is pregnant to her brother with classical allusions thrown in - essentially the very first nerd porn.

That's actually what the song is about, no shit. Can you believe Kate was 19 when she released this album? Not only is she unbelievably hot, she writes about awesome shit like incest.

[edit] Lionheart (1978)

Kate's second album, named Lionheart, is pretty much a sequel or B-side to The Dick Inside, being released later the same year and in the same sort of style. The cover depicts Kate in her feline form, as a Lion, fans were disappointed when she didn't take this form for the thirtieth anniversary of the album. The songs are twisted songs about burning cats, cutting up hand towels and playing in enchanted gardens with harp playing, faggot metaphors. Although songs like 'Full house' remind some of Kate's old satanist friends what it was like when she led sermon. The album never did well but for like most albums some poor fat emo kid will find that it fills some huge blank in their blank meaningless consumer driven lives.

[edit] Never For Ever (1980)

Kate Bush's third album is notable for containing two of her biggest hits up to that point - "Babooshka", which tells of a heart-breaking case of mistaken identity arising from a woman's inability to correctly pronounce her own name, and "Breathing", an up-tempo number originally written as an advertising jingle for CND (the song was not accepted bbut Kate did find commercial success with "Army Dreamers", which was used in recruitment campaigns by the British armed forces from 1981 through 1985). Other songs include "The Infant Kiss", an ode to the innocence of youth, "The Wedding List", in which Kate sings her bridal registry to thirty-three decimal places, and "Night-Scented Stock", which boasts perhaps the finest lyrics she ever wrote. Also there's something about a sad band manager and a violin that might actually be a machine gun, but honestly it's pretty much gobbledeegook. Sonically, the album is notable for being Kate's first to credit her as one of the producers. The production is heavily inspired by the work of Peter Gabriel, with whom Kate had collaborated in the past. Notable decisions Kate made in this role include utilising a wide variety of ARP and Fairlight synthesisers, and replacing Oliver Reed with Max Von Sydow in the part of the cook.

[edit] The Dreaming (1982)

Seeking a move away from the Roxy Music and David Bowie-inspired sounds of her earlier albums, The Dreaming saw Kate assuming sole producer credits, and eager to further develop the world music influences she had incorporated from Peter Gabriel. Her initial plan had been to construct a seven-part progressive folk suite about a woman drowning at sea, but she abandoned this idea permanently after people laughed at her and called it silly. Instead, at the urging of her record company Kate set to it and produced the most focused and accessible set of songs of her career. This new, more overtly "pop" Kate alienated much of her fanbase, but at the same time it led to her work being exposed to a much wider mainstream audience. Songs such as "Pull Out The Pin", a heart-warming ballad of an American and North Vietnamese soldier who learn to put aside their differences when one of them loses his LBJ inauguration commemorative button and needs help looking for it, and "Suspended in Gaffa", about Kate using tape to hold her stockings up before a show, displayed a new and welcome positivity that resonated strongly with the record-buying public. "Get Out of My House", with its punning title and strong Chicago influences, even became a minor dance floor hit. Critical response was rapturous at the time, but over the years the tide of opinion has turned against the album, and it is now considered by most of her fans to be a minor and largely inessential recording.

[edit] Hounds of Love (1985)

Considered by many people to be Kate’s masterpiece, 1985's Hounds of Love was the first album to ever feature a free puppy with every copy bought. In August of 1985, on The Terry Wogan Show, the single "Running Up That Hill (Deal or No Deal with God)" was played for the first time. As Kate sung her last note, Terry Wogan immediately burst into flames, and his show was cancelled; this gained Kate seven million more fans, and Hounds of Love sped into the UK pop charts, knocking Madonna's "Like A Virgin" from the number one position. The album is split into two sides, with the first side, Hounds of Love, containing five "accessible" pop songs, including the four singles: "Running Up That Hill (Deal or No Deal with God)," "Blockbusting," (a duet with Bob Holness) "Hounds of Love," and "Fuck Me, Look How Big The Sky is, I Mean It Goes on Forever."

The second side is entitled "The Ninth Wave", whose title is taken from a poem by Tennyson and all the songs fit together to tell the story of a woman who wins a cruise on the lottery, falls overboard and is swept out to sea, facing death by drowning, and the tortured night she spends bobbing up and down in the icy water. This story was later copied in an episode of Postman Pat. The song “Watching You Without Me" features a backwards vocal which, when played the right way round, reveals Kate’s shopping list for the date 09-12-85. She can be heard saying “potatoes, crisps, toothpaste and cheese... I’m off to Tescos to buy all of these... I might buy a carrot or maybe a leek... Whatever I get has to last me a week”

[edit] The Sensual World (1989)

The Sensual World is what Kate considers her most "masculine" album. With songs like "Men Do It Better" and "I Wish I Was A Man" Kate muses about her childhood fantasy of being a boy and playing football or date-raping young vulnerable girls at parties. In her video for the single, "This Man's Work," she can be seen playing at a piano with a cardboard cut-out beard plastered across her face.

The album is also notable for its radical modernist and post-modernist lyrical experimentation. The lyrics to opening track "The Sensual World", for example, consist of a sexually passionate monologue in the style of William Joyce, while "Heads We're Dancing" displays a bold flare for metafiction, telling the story of a young Adolf Hitler who dances all night at a party with a charming stranger only to find out in the morning that the woman he had been dancing with was in fact Kate Bush.

[edit] Kate Bush and the Great Earth-Mars War

Much has been written of Kate Bush’s involvement in the Earth-Mars War of 1989 – unfortunately mostly fiction with the odd fact thrown in shock effect. The subject of several anime cartoons (most notably Bushgirl Provisional Hero Rocket Squad), numerous washing powder adverts and three highly exploitive and poorly-casted TV movies, it represents the most well documented but also the most poorly presented - war in human history.

This conflict involved Earth Rocket forces vs. Allurah Amarradar (Tyrant Queen of North Mars) and Garayha Huldadix Lady-Castellan of South Mars). During one notorious broadcast, Amarradar taunted Earth by being filmed with an object suspected of being the Mons Olympus superweapon activation key; its authenticity remaining a matter of intense speculation even today. Still riding the wave of popular support generated by The Hounds of Love album, Bush was made Commander of Earth Rocket Ship Forces. Prior to formally enlisting she carried out her famous Tour of WarRockets world show; debuting the songs Rocket Man and Rocket’s Tail as a tribute to all the enlisted servicepersons soon to be under her command.

Following her formal enlistment the song Christmas Will Be Magic Again (once we’ve kicked Martian butt!) was released onto the UK charts on the 7th November 1989. This melody is associated with a seemingly inoffensive video of Bush acting very oddly in a wicker chair. While SHAPE HQ put out a cover story that this behaviour resulted from an allergic reaction to excessive caffeine, this video was actually a coded military signal relaying the planned attack on Mars. The location of secret weaponactivation panels within the Earth Rocket pilot's flightseats was demonstrated by Bush racking the wicker chair at strategic locations; combined with her indicating the correct use of anti-laser particulate sprays. Various attack code words were oncealed within the lyrics - most notably Husky; St. Nicholas; Oscar; Mr. Wilde; Bing Crosby; White City; Cover the Much Up; White Christmas and Parachute. The precise meaning of these code words retain a Top secret classification. Admonishments were also added; the two most significant being “Don’t you wake them up!” = keep under their RADAR and “Don’t let the mystery go”! = take them by surprise!. It is also notable that Bush wore her Martian flight suit on this video (disguised as loose-fitting pyjamas but composed of a fabric 20 times tougher than Kevlar). This was dyed a subtle red as camouflage in the instance of any combat on the Martian surface.

The Great Earth-Mars war consisted of three main actions: the Slaughter at the “Happy Void” L5 space service station, Battle of the Red Moons and the Siege of Mons Olympus . Bush lead all three actions in her customised spacefighter, The Big Sky. During the Battle of the Red Moons, Lt. Tori Amos almost lost her life in a vicious dogfight with the elite “Martial Martian Mars Squadron" – Bush saving her by taking out three Martian rocket ships in rapid succession. Amos was later recovered but suffered oxygen starvation; resulting in the incurable delusion that she had been given a new cloned body composed of stem cells taken from Bush. She was promptly invalided out of the Rocket Corps and thereafter assumed a modestlysuccessful career as a Kate Bush impersonator.

The Siege of Mons Olympus resulted in total victory for Earth. It is thought this was aided by a protracted covert guerrilla campaign conducted by the KT band - who had engineered their disappearance 10 years previously due to a tip-off relating to a secret attack by Mars. Sadly, all or most of the band are believed to have perished in the final assault – although this claim may have been a ploy to enable mopping up operations against Martian insurgents. Allurah Amarradar and Garayha Huldadix are also widely believed to have died in the same action – but several conspiracy theory websites claim Amarradar resurfaced as the proprietor of a West London winebar several years later, and that Huldadix also fled to Earth - taking up a succession of high-ranking positions in the UK financial sector upto 2008.

Bush, devastated by various personal losses during the war, released the song “we’re still waiting” to raise money for dependents and surviving veterans and then retreated to Saturn in grief.

[edit] The Red Shoes (1993)

Following the Great Mars-Earth war of 1989, Kate Bush retreated to Saturn to contemplate its rings for artistic inspiration. Throughout this time she was haunted by visions of the powerful Venusian Goddesss CrossLineHeart. Inspired by them, she put together a new concept album named after her last Harrods purchase before her self-imposed exile to the outer solar system. During this time the reporter Undead Kennedy attempted to photograph her while performing a Martian mind-meld with rocket-ship captain (and Blakes Seven member) Del Darrant. This resulted in a powerful hallucination in which Kennedy believed he had been imparted with arcane wisdom from an ancient race of aliens- returning to Earth to establish the "The Kick Backside" sect.

Following this altercation she returned to composing to her album "Red Shoes" (originally called "The Dead Shoes" in memory of the animals utilised to make her iconic "Wellioes" footwear). It is notable for utilising the creativity of various artists from throughout the solar system. Among these was the Neptune-based band "The Quad Burgerchiks", famed for their use of instruments constructed from unstable nuclear isotopes.

Among the songs included on the final CD was "Ruboutband Girl" which tells the story of her rampage through the solar system with a group of female assassins. Bush's famous hallucination of turning into a bowl of fruit is celebrated in another track entitled "Eat the Music Muse". Another song, "Moments of displeasure", recounts all the bad experiences within her life and runs for 24 hours. It also includes the love ballads "And so is love (another frigging letdown!)" and "why should I love you...wait a moment I'll have lots of things to sing about when it all goes pair shaped". The song "You're not the one (again)" continues the Bush theme of rejection celebrated through high-pitched vocals and obscure lyrics. This song was jointly composed with the Prince of Mercury(now known as "The Symbol"); never meeting during the process and communicating only via bursts of tachyon particles and space-time disturbances induced via quantum entanglement.

The two most controversal songs "This isn't a White Witch ritual, honest - it only sounds like one!" and "Love song from the Martian Bible" indicate to many commentators Bush's dabbling in the ancient magical arts of the Witch-Masters of Saturn. The album's title song "The Red Shoes" only appears on the first CD run - Bush having it removed from later copies for reasons of national security. Following the album's release on Earth in 1993 Kate Bush returned to her homeworld and bought a decommissioned nuclear bunker located outside of Berkshire, which she later named "Wuthering Lows". She retains ownership of this structure to the present day - the reason underlying its purchase being the focus of numerous conspiracy theories.

[edit] The (almost) "lost songs" (1982-1996)

Between 1982 and 1996 Bush released a number of singles notable for only being commercially available for ludicrously short periods of time. Those caught attempting to buy or sell them after this time-frame elapsed were liable for a fine of £1 million pounds or 6 months imprisonment, due to formally contravening the Fraudulent Mediums (and Restricted Kate Bush Songs)Act 1981. In the instance of the particularly coveted "Restricted Release" tracks the penalties for illicit possession were even more extreme. The reasons underlying this madcap marketing policy is probably unknown even to Bush; with those few brave souls attempting to discover the truth being found several weeks later wandering the streets with chronic amnesia. Nonetheless, due to the pioneering investigation work of the late Johni ThreeLuv-Clap, a list of these singles has been complied - albeit at great personal cost.

The first "Lost" track (released in 1983) is a song detailing the long-rumoured July 1981 meeting Bush had with the messianic alien-chrononaut P-Tur Ga-br-Al where she formally turned down a proposal of joint galactic domination, entitled "Not this time - Lord!" This was followed in 1984 with a lyrical composition advocating better care for retired beasts of burden, "The vacant donkeyshed" - with "Rot-gut waltz", (evoking the hazards of prohibition era liquor) on the B-side. "It's Under the Ivy!" (1985) reputedly gives directions to a hoard of Templar treasure deposited by the KT band, which seemingly remains unclaimed to this day. In 1987 Bush released “One final look around the studio I've been in for eight months before I frigging blow it up!” - a short piano solo detailing Kate's artistic frustrations with her protracted approach to composition.

The most valued - and notorous - "lost" track, however, was the infamous "restricted release edition" 1988 song, whose original name remains a source of intense controversy to this day. This song was only available for 10 minutes; after which time anyone caught with a copy were formally rounded up and shot by the authorities. Some claim it was entitled "Newt - Tinnitus Puss" and describes a cat attempting to dislodge a bird from a cliff, aided by a playfully-malevolent passing angel. Another faction reputes this, proposing it was named “Taunt-Free Pass", and actually recounts the vision of a far-future inter-European war involving neutron bombs, x-ray lasers and anthromorpic cybertanks. In any event, the original title was later discovered to be spelt incorrectly and the song re-released as "Nowt Tount-Free Puss"; which - due to prior consumer complaints (and a mountain of adverse un-fanmail from various bereaved parties) - was made available for sale for a much longer period; over an hour in this instance.

This was followed by "Warm....smoothing (I'm high!)" a 1988 song extolling the virtues of sitting around smoking various illicit substances; seemingly one of her "third person perspective" sonnets. "I'm waiting - still" was released in the same year, this melody recounting the sad story of a gay bartender who is badly let down by his callous boyfriend. At the end of 1992 Bush offered up the single "Man-Nun H'hallireann"; sung in High Betelgeuse it follows the typical Bush formula of featuring a gender-confused character - in this instance a Bene Geserette nun who dreams of becoming a Greek Orthodox monk, while "Hoard of the Seedy Lake" (about a swan discovering a stash of hidden porn) was used as the B-side track. Her final "lost" song was released in 1996 and is a stark piece of social realism entitled "You want Alchemy – tough, it doesn't work!", written to commemorate the launch of the British Sceptics Association.

It should be noted that a number of spurious songs (which, while being songs are not actually sung by Bush herself) have foolishly been allotted to the "lost track" canon; most notably "Mongolian Swamp Donkey"(1996) and the mysterious country and western ballad - "Keep That Bloody Sun Out!" (date unknown), sold on in a 2008 EBAT auction for 1,000,000 pounds.

[edit] Aerial (2005-06)

Kate's latest album is called Aerial and comes in two versions. The first is is based on Disney's The Little Mermaid. It is her first album in 27 years, but to make up for lost time it is a 27-disc set.

One million copies of the second version - called "Araeil" were produced - but were promptly pluped due to a fatal typographical error, the nature of which remains undisclosed by Bush. A second edition of the alternative Version Two release entitled Aerial II(m2)- washes brighter! was released six months later. This features a very wide variety of songs. This includes her ode to washing machines and other cleaning products Mrs. Wotshurface, and Pie, celebrating Bush's baking skills. Bush describes her unsuccessful attempts to be in several places at once in another meleody entitled How I became indivisible. The sonnet, Cheep cheep in my garden at sunset is a musical tribute to her garden (designated by UNESCO as Earth's official memorial to the 1989 Earth-Mars war), in which various birds and other native wildlife take turns singing duets with Bush. The last song Getting up the aerial onto my roof is thought to be autobiographical and recounts her secret life as a satellite dish installer. One in every 1000 discs also contain the bonus track "painting Joanne"; where Bush represents John of Arc as escaping from custody duing the 15th century and living as Rolf Harris for the next 600 years.

[edit] Present

Kate Bush is reportedly working on her next album, an album of 5 tracks but according to her fan club is "taking longer than anticipated" and will be released in 2045. It is as of now still untitled. By contrast, Duke Nukem Forever, a game based on the life of Kate Bush's grandfather, is scheduled for shipping in late Fall of 2052.

[edit] Miscellaneous

George Bushes

George Bush George W. Bush John McCain George Dubya Bush George H. W. Bush George H. W. W. H. Bush George W.W.W. Bush George W.W.F. Bush George W.T.F. Bush George W.W.J.D. Bush George W.W.2. Bush George W.W.3. Bush George W. Bush II: Champion Edition

Other Bushes

Adolf W. Hitler Barbara Bush Jeb Bush Laura Bush Kate Bush Pubes Burning Bush Reggie Bush Xandra Bush

Related Links

George W Bush Chronicle

[edit] Running up that hill

Singer/Songerwriter/Musician/Contortionist Kate Bush (born 1958 and again later in 1969) became famous for her musical interpretation of the work of the Bronte Sisters and Jane Austin. In more recent aspects of her career she has created a mime working of the 1957 "classic" "Attack of the Crab Monsters". The latest news is that this has been canceled indefinitely, as it was deemed crustacean defamation, and therefore blasphemous by Lobster Jesus.

Kate Bush is seriously hot. Or she was, anyway, and still is on her album covers.. She was a witch before Fiona Apple and a piano prodigy before Tori Amos. She is the original - the rest are imitators.

[edit] Top 10 Selling Albums

• Northanger Abbey
• Pride and Prejudice
• Oh Shit I Can't Take These Red Shoes Off
• Hay Guise I'm A Furry Lolz, Check Out My Lion suit!
• Ghostbusting with Aborigines
• Suspended In Jaffas (NOM NOM NOM)
• Miming The Attack Of The Crab Monsters (The Album)
• Running Up That Bill (A Deal With Vodafone)
• Get The Fuck Out Of My House!

• Soundtrack to The Lion King
• Soundtrack to The Never Ending Story
• Indi Cred part 1
• Hey Fido did we just do it? Cos if that's sex, I like it.
• The Special Olympics
• Lycra (for the 2007 movie "the spandex encompass").
• The rest

[edit] Baseless Rumors=

Contrary to rumour, Kate Bush does not have a daughter named Tori Amos. She is, however, the real father of Kelly Osborne.

Kate did pen a song that led to Emily Brontë writing a classic novel of the same name. It is true that, if you were male and claimed to like Kate Bush, from the years 1984-1991, you would easily get laid by a hippie chick.

[edit] Kate Bush on Writing

Like any self-respecting artist who respects herself, Kate Bush approached song-writing in her own unique way. Over the years scientists eventually cracked the her music writing code using the bible and a compass. The formula is as follows:

[edit] Television Appearances

• Kate made a brief appearance on Final Fantasy IV.
• Kate appeared as Barney the Dinosaur for 7 episodes.
• Kate was crowd member #1376 at the 1996 Super Bowl.
• Kate tried to moon Rotikian leader, Prime Minister Ritchi Konghi on national TV, but an international consensus

voted not to be forced to see her "area"

[edit] See Also

• The Queer Red People
• A shrubbery
• Tori Amos
• 10,000 days