Kashmir

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Kashmir (formerly Shangri-La), a "disputed"[1] region on the border between Pakistan, Wales and India, was best known as an exporter of Kashmir wool sweaters and in-bred children. The region was renamed after the famous song by Led Zeppelin in 1980, shortly after the death of drummer John Bonham. Although this was controversial in the rest of the world, the name change was highly popular among its residents, with one resident exclaiming, "our territory may be disputed, but our love of this song is undisputed!"

Demographics

A Richter 1.6 earthquake wiped out the region on the morning of October 8, 2005, with about forty thousand believed dead and more dying as food and shelter are scarce and narrow roads into the region are blocked by landslides. Authorities have been trying to pull out as many sheep as they can, alive, to save their wool making capabilities. They don't give a damn about the humans. In fact it would be better if all the humans were wiped out, it would leave more place for sheep to breed. Donate your aid at Save The Kashmir rats and Goats.com

Economy

The economy of Kashmir is based around agriculture, mainly rice. It's temperate climate and location at the source of the Indus river makes it quite tolerant of many crops. This property makes the land more desirable to India & Pakistan than finally knowing who Carly Simon was talking about in "You're So Vain".

The primary economic competitor to Kashmir was Afghanistan, which ekes out most of its meager existence by knitting Afghan dogs and biscuits in New Zealand.

The primary food export from the Kashmir region was Shake & Bake; as food becomes scarce, the Kashmiri pass the time playing Quake and clawing at the rubble with bare hands in an attempt to find buried friends and relatives.

Kashmir is also known for its no-fault insurance, which is of little use in an earthquake. File:Led Zeppelin Band.jpeg

Politics

Timehero

Pakistan's Pac-Man battles India's rat team for control of Kashmir

Before the aforementioned name change,the national anthem of Kashmir was "Baa baa black sheep have you any wool? Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full." by John Paul Jones and Rudyard Kipling. After the region became known as "Kashmir", it made the unusual decision to use "California Dreaming", by The Mamas and the Papas. Responding to inquiries why it did not use "Shangri-La" by The Kinks or its namesake as a song, the region's spokesperson responded, "that's exactly what they'd be expecting us to do!" It is unclear who the "they" he refers to is.

Led Zeppelin

Oh let the sun beat down upon my face

Stars to fill my dreams

I am a traveler of both time and space

To be where I have been

Secret elders of the gentle race

This world is seldom seen

They talk of days for which they sit and wait

All will be revealed

Talk and song from tongues of lilting grace

Whose sounds caress my ear

But not a word I heard could I relate

The story was quite clear

Woah, woah

Ooh, oh baby I been flying

Lord yeah mama, there ain't no denyin'

Oh, ooh yes, I've been flying

Mama ma, ain't no denyin', no denyin'


Oh all I see turns to brown as the sun burns the ground

And my eyes fill with sand as I scan this wasted land

Trying to find, trying to find where I been


Oh, pilot of the storm who leaves no trace

Like thoughts inside a dream

Heed the path that led me to that place

Yellow desert screen


My Shangri-La beneath the summer moon

I will return again

Sure as the dust that floats high in June

When movin' through Kashmir


Oh, father of the four winds

Fill my sails, across the sea of years

With no provision but an open face

'Long the straits of fear

Woah, woah, woah


Oh

Well, when I want

When I'm on my way, yeah

When I see

When I see the way, you stay, yeah


Ooh, yeah yeah, ooh, yeah yeah, well I'm down, yes

Ooh, yeah yeah, ooh, yeah yeah, well I'm down, so down

Ooh, my baby, ooh, my baby, let me take you there


Oh oh, come on, come on

Oh, let me take you there

Let me take you there

Ooh, yeah yeah, ooh, yeah yeah


Foreign aid

Aid efforts, like the earthquake itself, are proving to be a major disaster. Not only is help not reaching the remote rural villages where it's most desperately needed, but authorities don't seem to understand the problem. America sent Condoleeza Rice to the stricken area, only to have her sent back with the protest "No, no, no, you don't understand. We said peasants are starving because they have no rice. Send food!"

Recently, donations to Kashmir have been on the rise. According to most sources, this likely coincides with the release of Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin's book Three Cups of Tea, which mentions that Kashmir is, in fact, a real region in the world. In fact, Dr. Lionel Irving, a professor of Sociology at Nottingham University, cites "a recent study that found that 40% of Americans knew of a place named 'Kashmir'. Before the book was released, only about 20% had heard of a place called Kashmir, and 80% of the people who did thought Kashmir was some sort of Led Zeppelin fan club."

News

Aid

Footnotes

  1. really belongs to the European Union
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