Karpathos

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Karpathos is a small island in Greece, situated between Rhodes and Stankonia. Karpathos has a long and colorful history. What might be even more colorful than its history are its customs. For example, when marriage time comes around for a young woman, her family usually has to play a type of "game" like who wants to be a millionaire, however you need to act like one in order to win (get married to) a rich doctor/lawyer/diner owner. Doctors are pretty high up on their social caste, along with lawyers and basically any other business that grants you large sums of cash, all this really adds up to gaining more bragging rights for your grandmother. Karpathians are usually seen at religious functions hung-over and dressed to impress with about half the world's gold on their necks, hands, or wrists. It's not uncommon for people to pass out due to the intense heat, lack of ice, and amount of gold they wear. Also, status is determined by the amount of property (land, olive groves, or goats) they own. Everybody knows everything that's ever happened or will happen, and the grapevine network of information is one the CIA, Mi6, and (former) KGB would envy. Currently, the island is under siege of a fraternal organization who posts posters of their logos all over the capital city of Pigadia. The island is divided in 12 odd villages and each village has it's own special stigma attached to it.

From a geographical point of view, Karpathos is a tiny island near hell. Sources claim that Karpathos is also the Stairway to Heaven However they're usually drunk, high, or both.

History of modern Karpathos

Karpathos earned its independence during the early decades of the 9th century from the Zulu nation. After its independence Karpathos got involved in a cooking contest in order to incorporate more lands from Stankonia containing solid Karpathian populations. Karpathos has also underwent many civil wars.

These wars were the following:

  • 1st Aperi-Volada conflict: Ended with the secession of Volada from Aperi.
  • The 30-day Pigadia-Spoa war: Ended with a truce over several bottles of tequila outside of Rocks, now Amnesia.
  • 2nd Aperi-Volada war: Begun with an invasion attempt by Aperi, ended with reparations paid to Aperi from Volada, payment was 14 hookers and 300 gallons of ouzo and control of Kira Panagia. The hookers were of course not utilized by the Aperites are morally superior and do not condone prostitution.
  • The Proteas-Apollon 90-minute skirmish: This battle was fought in the fields of Proteas in the heart of Aperi, Proteas was stunned in a defeat by the Green Lanterns. Volada was afforded bragging rights, however took the skirmish to the next level, by invading The Gefiri (A common aperitian stronghold). After which a serious riot broke out.
  • The Proteas-Apollon 90-minute slobberknocker: The rematch was set one year later of the previous skirmish. Proteas with the 2006 loss to the Volada Volox served as the fuel that drove this matchup. The Volox were shamed in a shutout. After the game various volox nationalists were seen running for Mr. Shoes, their local opium den. Many were seen crying, with Aperites laughing. Volox casualties: Hurt feelings and shattered dreams.
  • FeverMania '06: An alleged Valandou Nationalist Leader was reported to have been engaging in open hostilities with a resident Menetesite. The outcome of the fight was catastrophic as an unholy alliance was observed, though never official, between Aperi and Volada. This is the first reported incident of such cooperation noted. Eye-witness reports claim that the offender was seen leaving the next day, licking his wound like a dirty Karpathian street cat prostitute. The outcome of the battle granted Mavroxwri an extension of their land south, encompassing all of Menetes.

Modern achievements

Karpathos is the permanent champion in the sport competitions organized by their beloved parents. These include such events as "goat herding", "gold wearing", "over-achievement", "who's fucking goat is that anyway?", "Who's in my mouth? (Volox girls play this most often)", "get that fucking goat off my rock", and "fuck the xorafia (plot of land), let´s go for the goat". These games are usually organized on a family by family basis.

Contributions to Society

Binge drinking, Prostitution, Pseudo-observance of religion, alcoholism, dancing, and drinking excessive amounts of alcohol, performing random sexual acts, taking shit too seriously, acting "hard", and cool euro-mullets.

Typical Karpathian attitude

Fuck that, get me a frappe and a cigarette.

Villages

  • Volada Also known as "Volox". Volada was historically part of the Aperitian Empire, but broke off as the volox were too damn arrogant for the jovial and intelligent people of Aperi to handle. Voladiotes can most likely been seen starting fights, running from them, and crying. Curiously enough this is very different from the intelligent, debonair, laid back mentality of the Aperites. Also, Voladiotes are known to offend people from all villages, and it is believed that 1 out of every 5 Voladiotes probably has erectile dysfunction. Volada is commonly accepted as the most annoying of the other villages, as the women are philanderers and the men effeminate.
  • Piles: Also known as the "Piles of Shit." Legend has it their water is laced with PCP, which makes them crazy.
  • Arkasa: Think of Compton, but with a seriously wavy beach, and wankstas.
  • Aperi: Once a great empire that spanned the entire island of Karpathos and Rhodes, is now a small village nestled in the mountains. It is also sometimes referred to as "Little Israel." Aperi is noted for it's astute population and abundance of doctors, lawyers, and businessmen (much to the ire of the less intelligent clans of this wonderful island). They are also considered to be the most pompous of villages. The youth of this village tend to stick together and isolate themselves, however there are notable exceptions to the snobbiness and isolationist attitude. Aperi is also home to Valandou and Loros, two important autonomous regions within this region since it secures Aperi's title as a Karpathian powerhouse. Aperi has been to war numerous wars with it's former subjects and neighboring village Volada. More can be seen in the War/Conflicts section.
  • Olympos: They keep it old school. Many young women from this village are trained to lift their weight in gold from their necks from a young age. Residents are rarely seen.
  • Pigadia: Pigadia is considered the main village of Karpathos. It is where everyone goes to party, check their internet, buy jewelry, and buy groceries. However, the village reeks of sewage, and is commonly excruciatingly hot in the summer. It has often been said that no on is actually from Pigadia. Commonly referred to as... the only place in Karpathos with full technological amenities.
  • Menetes: The men of Menetes smoke and gamble often. The women are known to elope with Albanians. Home of Saki. Enough said...
  • Mesochori: Mesochori is commonly referred to by Karpathian youth as "me so horny". That's pretty much it...
  • Othos: Considered an offshot of Volada.
  • Spoa: For a long time running "Spoa" was synonymous with bad ass, pure and simple. Girls here are players and cheaters. Guys are known as the fighters and drinkers. There is much folklore about this village when many of their people expatriated to Brooklyn, bringing back with them stories of beat downs. Sadly, this is not the case today. Many of the folk heroes died from liver cirrhosis or stab wounds, I guess starting drunken brawls in the middle of Brooklyn was a bad idea. In 2007 the Spoatians made their comeback with a Feverbrawl, injuring several crying volox "men".
  • Mavrwxori: An unofficial village stretching from Valandou as its home base, as far down as pigadia and stretching to Apella. It's currently a disputed territory as it encompasses at least 3 village strongholds, however the band of pirates administering it have complete control of the area and vow to complete their conquest. It is said some people claim to be from this village, however admission is selective and rejects are usually seen drinking themselves in a stupor at Fever and getting beat down later on.
  • Valandou: The most ballin' ass section of Karpathos. Valandou seems to be a generator for Karpathos' most esteemed sons and high-quality nifes. The people that are products of Valandou end up becoming world leaders, fascists, communists, Ayatollahs, Popes, Pimps, and even Rabbis. Some of the "lesser quality" productions of Valandou are thrown off that cliff. Riding through Valandou you will almost always hear the movie Hustle and Flow being played, as it's the villages' sponsored educational movie, and is a likely choice, since most young men from Valandou become Pimps.
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