Karl Sanders

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For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Karl Sanders.
250px-Karlsanders

It is said that this sexy beast emerged from this sarcophagus and not that show-off Tut.

Karl (Double-Chinned Albino Scary Blonde Black Sheep) Sanders is an American musician, most widely known as the main guitarist and sometimes Bison-Hearder for Death Metal band Nile and as the "Ron Jeremy of metal". He was born a Buddhist but converted to the Latter Day Terrorists in 1234 just in time for the invention of gunpowder in Britain. He is known for his ability to hit the brown note, a note so low that upon hearing it, all bowels within a fifty foot radius release their contents.

Karl Sanders is the son of Colonel Sanders, founder of Kentucky Fried Chicken. This may partially explain Karl's recent increase in weight, although it looks like he's eating a whole lot fucking more than just chicken.

edit Karl Sanders as a Deity

Nile has always been unknown, and all Death Metal bands worship Sanders as a minor (or sometimes VERY major) deity. Ever Since Sanders' sad demise, he can be seen reincarnated in many metal bassists such as Derek Boyer from Suffocation, ICS Vortex from Dimmu Borgir and Gene Simmons from the transvestite band David Bowie.

edit Now

DerekBoyerStory

See? Karl Sanders lives again in Derek Boyer!

As a Metalhead, he needs his daily helping of goat's blood. However, due to his double-chin having a mind of its own, he is down to only approximately 13 buckets a day. Many fans and reincarnated copies of himself dispute this unexpected diet as his silly little band is due to release a new album. Nile's new album is called Ichthyphallic, which is Ancient Egyptian for "I'm a fishfucker". A certain non-existant resource says that in a drunken haze Sanders accidentally spent most of the bands budget on the new band website. While he is not performing, Sanders can normally be seen either scratching himself or grabbing the phallus of the guitarist of the band he is touring with (see Sam Totman)

edit His Drinking Problem

(Article is self-explanatory) Oh well. Ever since he was sued for impaling three teenagers at a gig with his rather dangerous Custom KXK Guitar, he started to drink his own weight in high percentage spirits. His liver-solidifying diet consists mainly of Gin soup and Tequila pie and has lead to him firing many bassists from the band. Statistically, the band goes through around 17 bassists a month.

edit Faith?

Nile has made songs with both themes of ancient Egypt and H.P. Lovecraft themes. It is believed that Karl Sanders simultaneously sold his soul to both Ra and Cthulu without either of them knowing. Cthulu was the first to find out and promised to slay Ra in an epic battle... just as soon as he gets out of his watery prison. There have also been circling rumors going around that Karl is a closet Muslim due to the Islamic content of his more recent lyrics and his association with the Jews.

edit See also

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