Kareem Abdul-Jabbar

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Kobe kareem 500

After all I did for this team, you disrespect me by giving me season ticket seats behind this mother fucker?

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article very remotely related to Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.

Kareem read-the-pages-title-for-my-full-name was best known for being a tall-ass-mother-fucker who was the captain of the Los Angeles Rapers cheer squad. Kareem may not have been the tallest cheerleader the NBA (National Baby Abortionists) has ever had, but the other guys who where taller could not hold a candle to how well Kareem could shake his pom-poms up and down the court. Kareem stood at seven feet four inches, and that was on a cold day! The man was a giant, and will always be remembered as that tall skinny-ass-mother-fucker that scored more successful rim shots then Kobe Bryant's mother at his senior prom.

The Smaller Days

Kareemm

Kareem, age 9, sitting on the can in one of those awkward shots your mother takes that you just know is going to come back and haunt you some day.

Kareem was born on Earth. There was nothing unusual about his birth, his parents fucked, and out he came 9 months later. Sorry, but there is no unusual story about how he was born with a giant penis and didn't grow into it until he was 19, nope see photos of Tom Cruise's head for that sort of story. Kareem grew up in the heart of Manhatten, NY which is a shame, because if he had of grown up, not too far away, in Harlem in the 1950's, he could have learned the skills so many negro basketball players master... learning to shoot, steal and run. but some things just where not meant to be.

By the time Kareem was 16 years old, he was already towering at a mere 6'9, and found himself playing point guard for the university of Some Tall Ass Mother Fuckers Of Racial Discrimination also known as Stamford University. He played their for 1 season before he grew an extra foot and was able to dunk a basketball with his testicles without even having to jump. Kareem quickly established himself as a really shitty ball-player. He had no skills, he couldn't dribble, he couldn't nail a 3 pointer if his life depended on it, and he was a complete ball hog. So it was only natural that due to the fact he had no skills but possessed a 7'4 physique, he would be drafted by UCLA to be with the other side show freaks.

College Football

Kareemlee

"So, Coach. What your saying is, I should just hold the ball out like this, and drop it in that shiny metal ring with the funny shoelaces hanging off it, right?
okay gotcha! Say, can I put my pants back on now?"

UCLA managed to teach Kareen something very few professional negro basketball players have ever been able to accomplish. They taught him how to pass the ball! Kareem's assist skills began to rise and the team managed to improve their stats by actually being able to get the ball to their end of the court. At the same time this miracle was occurring, Kareem was also becoming a huge hit with the defense portion of the game. Even tho Kareem had no physical talent what-so-ever when it came to defense, he did posses a natural talent by using his height advantage over smaller guys. All he had to do was be standing in-front of the offensive player, causing them to not be able to see anything above or past Kareeem. If they tried to shoot the ball it would just ricochet off his head.

Kareem was praised for using his head when it came to defensive measures, even tho whenever someone would praise his efforts he was just standing their swaying around counting the birdies circling his head. It wasn't long before the coach decided to try and use Kareem's height advantage to score, and no we don't mean score as in score, we mean score like score, okay? The coach decided that Kareem couldn't dribble for shit, so once he'd made a blocked shot with his cranium, he was encouraged to run up the court and stand under the shiny metal thing, and put his hand up in the air. A pass would be made to his hand and when Kareem caught it, he was told to stuff it in the hole faster then Kobe Bryant's dick to a un-consenting white girls ass.

Kareem's reach was out of jumping distance to most average sized players, so Kareem went on that season to score more points then any tall-ass-mother-fucker on the planet.

Big Time Mother Fucka' In The Big Time Pro's

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Who wants ice-cream????

After Kareem scored a bajillion points in college, where scoring means dick, he was drafted by the "Milwaukee Talkie Fucks". He managed to repeat what he was doing in college, by stopping shots with his head, and scoring under the rim. However he got a little too excited one day and jumped while he was dunking and smashed his face into the backboard causing the glass to shatter and get stuck in his eye. After that exact same thing had happened a dozen or more times, someone came up with the idea that he should wear protective goggles so he isn't rushed to the men's room to wash his bleeding eyes out whenever he gets excited and jumps like a retard who starts humping a dogs leg when he hears the sound of an ice cream van coming down the street.

After playing 6 years with the Milwaukee Fucks, they had to trade him for expenses due to Kareem always knocking his head on the backboard and breaking them. So he was traded off to a team that could afford to let him smash his face into glass backboards, the Los Angeles Rapers. There, Kareem managed to continue to use his head to block shots and smash boards with his retarded happy dance.

Records

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Oprahs gigantic ass is the only thing that Kareen ever had to look up at to see it

Surprisingly Kareem managed to score a total of just under 40,000 points over his regular season career from 1876 to the year of the aids take-over which isn't too bad at all! He also holds the record for most on court time with just under 60,000 minutes... not including jury duty. He also holds the record for being the best of the tallest mother fuckers to play the game. Sure a couple of guys and an Asian woman named Mao where taller then Kareem, but Kareem scored more pussy then they did, so he's considered the best of the tallest players that women have admired to sleeping with (the Myths of Wilt Chamberlain are still unconfirmed as only Betty White has admitted she let that tall-ass-mother-fucker de-cheese her flower)

Retirement

Kareem retired from basketball in 1989 after they found his smaller but better replacement Magic Johnson. Kareem now works for NASA trying to identify the stars he see's orbiting the bruises on his head.

Apology

We think we may have mixed this entire article up with someone else. When you mention tall black guys who are drafted to the NBA on the ability of no skills, but a height advantage to dominate offensively and defensively, not to mention, a complete retard, we may have not meant to call him Kareem, but instead, Shaquille O'Neal.


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