From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
“I would go heterosexual for a Kardashian any day!”
“لا أستطيع أن أصدق أنشأنا هذا المكروه!!!”
Kardashian(s)/Kardashian People (Sometimes referred to as Fake White people) are a sub-ethnic group of Arabs. They are known to be hairy and have a sallow complexion, possess huge breasts and often famous for reasons still unknown. They are most commonly found in California, but originate in Turkey, Armenia and Saudi Arabia and other terrorist countries. The earliest traces of Kardashian life goes back to the year 90210 BC in the city of Los Angeles, Iraq. From forensic studies we can show that Kardashians developed from Arabs and Europeans (Some traces of Oriental blood was found in a fossil of an ancient Kardashian in 2011, but this has not been justified since most Kardashians have huge breasts, a trait which does not appear in Orientals/East Asians).
The movement of Kardashians to The USA began rapidly in late 2005, this happened because the treaty that was signed by the J-LO SAYS Commission proclaimed that the Kardashians were from then on forbidden from setting foot in any member states of the J-LO SAYS Commission and other Muslim countries which signed the treaty. The Kardashians were brought into the public domain when the president of the Kardashians, Kim Kardashian, released a mandatory Pornographic video in February 2007 that was compulsory for all Kardashian People to watch. the Pornographic video not only became popular among the Kardashians, but also became highly popular among Americans (specifically men). This video brought fame to the Kardashians and they were soon a household name. The pornographic video is still mentioned when conversation about the Kardashians is brought up.
edit The Kardashians vs. J-LO SAYS War
In August 2002, a dispute broke out between a Kardashian citizen and a Muslim woman in the city of Riyadh, Saudi Arabia. The Muslim woman proclaimed that the Kardashian accused her of kicking sand onto her new Jimmy Choos, The Muslim woman then proceeded to ignore the Kardashian and walked away. Disgusted, the Kardashian pulled the woman's niqab right off. Many passers-by witnessed what happened and said it was an act that was even unthinkable. Even though in many peoples eyes the Kardashian had committed the crime, the Muslim woman was sentenced to death by firing squad because her face was show in a public place. Within hours people from all around Arabia heard of what had happened and they were furious. They believed that the Kardashian should be sentenced to death aswell since she wasn't wearing a niqab in the first place. Governments from all around Arabia discussed the matter, most governments believed that not even the Muslim woman should be sentenced to death, only the Kardashian should be because she pulled off the woman's niqab "without good reason". The governments also questioned why Kardashians didn't have to cover themselves in respect even though they lived in a Muslim Country. subsequently, to try avoid ANOTHER war in the Middle East, both of the women were executed (smart move, right?).
edit Attacks against Kardashians
In early 2003, Muslims began to attack pockets of Kardashian villages in each of their home countries. Kardashians owned rich luxurious houses in Arabia far away from any of the poor people. Muslims outnumbered the Kardashians by far and the Kardashians had no defenses or arms to protect themselves (although one Kardashian in Saudi Arabia possessed a hair straightener and was able to burn a few Muslims to death) The death toll from the war by mid-2004 was over 1,000 and the Muslims could safely say that they had gotten rid of the Kardashian scum, at last.
edit the J-LO SAYS Commission and the removal of remaining Kardashians from Arabia
In winter 2004, Saudi Arabia (the country that the original crime was committed), Jordan, Libya, Oman, Yemen and Sudan formed the J-LO SAYS Commission which bound their countries together to get rid of remaining Kardashians from the Arab and Islamic world. At the first meeting of the commission in February 2005, they drew up a treaty that said "All remaining Kardashians in Arabia must evacuate or seek refuge in another country and if they refused to do so, they would be executed by firing squad (so they can get a taste of their own medicine)"
The J-LO SAYS Commission invited 15 other predominantly Muslim countries (apart from the ones already on the commission) to sign the treaty and to agree to put the law in place in their own country. 15 out of 15 other countries took up on the J-LO SAYS Commission's offer. These countries were: Egypt, Algeria, Iraq, Morocco, Syria, Tunisia, Somalia, United Arab Emirates, Palestine, Lebanon, Kuwait, Mauritania, Qatar, Bahrain, Iran.
A representative from each state that agreed to the treaty had to sign it. In April 2005 the countries which agreed to the treaty but the new laws into action and executed all of the Kardashians who refused to obey. By 2005, only 8 Kardashians were left. Among themselves in order to keep the Kardashian race going, they must seek refuge in another country.
The remaining Kardashians spent a very small amount of time in Armenia (approx. 3 days). They lived there for a short amount of time because they soon found out about the so called "Promising land" of The USA. The Kardashians lived in very poor conditions in Armenia, deep in the woods. They were not used to this as their natural habitat was luxury. Within the time they spent in Armenia, one of the Kardashians died from lack of luxury. Kardashians still have a holiday dedicated to this Kardashian died (September 30).
edit Call me Caitlyn: Becoming transjenner
2015 was a fascinating year for the Kardashian "family unit". Bruce Jenner, former family patriarch, underwent gender reassignment surgery. According to Kris Jenner and Kim K, the most dissapointing part of the whole process was that surgery could not change the first letter of Caitlyn to a K. Now in a battle with Kris Jenner as family matriarch, Caitlyn complains daily of "her" everyday struggles and how depressing it is to not be crowned Kardashian family woman of the mansion. Caitlyn vented to Barbara Walters how her struggles with the Ks "are more depressing than world hunger". As soon as Kim found out the news of the successful surgery, Kim welcomed Caitlyn with her open arms and her superior K. She was thrilled for her step- "mamadaddy ". The best part of it all the was the large sums of money acquired by the family from the whole extravaganza.