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“New Jersey is more exciting than Kansas. New Jersey doesn't exist, you say? Exactly.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Kansas
“My mother was a religious fundamentalist. She also had no mouth. It's a rare combination.”
~ Bender on The Bots and the Bees

The State of Kansas

Kansas (kænzəs) is an obscure Latin word meaning "a large square in the middle of any political map of the United States." The official motto of Kansas is "Ad astra per aspera" but more recently has become "In god we blindly trust". Kansas currently has no attractions unless you like hay, cows, wheat, and cows eating mixes of hay, wheat, and cows.


A land of magical joy. Come see the wheat. That's it, thanks for coming.

Some Attractions?

No, not really. Did we get your hopes up? Sorry, but the reason you go here is actually only passing through to Denver for something exciting like skiing. The cows also stand there. They have the ability to liven up the mood by chewing grass. But they don't.

The Big Hay Stack on the outskirts of Tonganoxie was piled when an edgy farmer added a few extra chords of hay to a moderately sized stack. Being Kansas's first attraction, tourists flocked there for exactly 2 hours, then realized that there is nothing else around and left with their minivans in horror. The farmer stuck a pitchfork in the hay on August 4, 2005.

In Lebanon, Kansas, there is a monument marking the exact center of the contiguous U.S.A.. Lebanon, Kansas is not exciting but unfortunately merely named after a more exciting place that deserves your vacation money. Besides, no airlines carry to Kansas. MCI is gathering dust.

Socialist Empire of Kansas

Kansas is the most socialist place on the planet. The people there are 100% welfare supported and live on the money of the 0% who actually work. A movement called occupy moocher street has been started by this 0%. Their motto is "100% of the 0%'s money is taken by the 100%, leaving the 0% with 0%- Occupy Moocher Street!"

Some mathematicians have stated that the socialist empire of Kansas can't possibly exist due to the magical appearance of money, because if 0% actually make money, and the average amount is a finite number, then the total money made is 0. Other mathematicians have rebutted this by saying that this simply means that the 100% simply receive 0$ in welfare.

A Confusing Place to Pass Through

Kansas is often confused with:

although Arizona isn't square...

  • Indiana seems to be equally boring and useless as Kansas.
This is a disambiguation page, a supposedly helpful navigational aid which nevertheless links to needlessly irrelevant but strangely similarly titled pages.
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