From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Kamino is a planet far, far away, mostly consisting of water. Lots of water. It is often referred as The Big Sea Planet Reverse Tattooine and the ocean made of the tears of a generation of Star Wars fans. It was erased from the Jedi Archives, due to their HoloNet safe-search's confusion with the search terms "clones" and "kimonos". The planet was only discovered by Obi-Wan Kanobi when he landed there and fought Jango Fett, as they were never important enough to have an ambassador to the galactic senate. Home to many millions of species of fish (they take up the majority of the planet's life), the main species of Kamino are coincidently called 'Kaminoans'. They are long necked greys, an evolutionary branch of E.T.'s species who formed an exclusively female society that raised male human clones in a cold sterile environment not unlike a bunch of nuns in charge of a catholic boys school that ships them all off to war to get them out the door.
edit Composition and Structure
Kamino is basically a very, very big sea. A very big one.
edit Weather and Climate
The climate is very cold, and very often freak storms strike the single city, Tipoca City. These storms create huge Tsunamis. Conveniently, no flooding occurs as there is no more land to flood. However, if one Kamino kid leaves the back door open then their entire city will be flooded and they will all die. Smart, eh?
There are exactly two sunny days a year and these are met by huge festivals where hoards of Kaminoans bask in the sunlight and earn a long waited tan. Sadly this is the cause for many deaths, as Kaminoans do not have a cure for skin cancer.
Very unhabitable, unless you are half fish, which technically Kaminoans are. The distance of the atmosphere are perfect for life - fish life, however, and not much else. But considering that the first thing that scientists look for when trying to find life on a planet, is water... well, I don't have to say much more, do I?
Fish. Have we said it enough?
edit Natural Resources and Land Use
Kamino provides some limited sources that are exported to the other planets. Large deposits of fossil fuels are obtained from the Earth's crust, consisting of coal, petroleum, natural gas and methane clathrate, due to the fact that the Kaminoans have built many, many oil platforms throughout their oversized sea. The only other resource is seafood. The Kaminoans love seafood. Especially fish. Because of the fact that there is no land. In 1993, Kaminoan use of land is approximately:
|Land use||Ariable Land||Permanent Crops||Permanent Pastures||Forest and Woodland||Urban Areas||Other|
The estimated amount of irrigated land in 1993 was 0 square kilometres, unless you count the abandoned seaweed farms that were salted two days before we did this graph.
A strange, long necked, thin, spindly, weird speaking and the second most despised Star Wars species (after the Gungans). Highly sophisticated, they are recognized as creators of the clones, but than play no part in history whatsoever.
edit Kamino Empire
The Kamino Empire is pretty flimsy and based around the single city of Tipoca city, which consists of several circle shaped buildings hovering over the water.
Tipoca city was built somewhere around 5000BC by alien child-buyers. There were only a few first inhabitants, but eventually (due to their unique cloning process), their population grew until it was too large to fit into their single city. Heavily under budget from a lack of ships to carry seafood and clones out to other planets, the government embraced ritual sacrifice, throwing at least a thousand Kaminoans into the sea to placate the sea god Jaws. Some managed to escape and form an alliance, but they were wiped out by those plastic rings on six packs; the ultimate weapon against their long pelican like necks. Ten years after the genocide, a large meteor of N'th metal was discovered allowing the Kaminoans to build another fleet of ships, quadrupling their population.
The Kaminoans have a very rigid culture and spend most of their time fishing with their long necks, or scuba diving. They have no visible religion, but legends about land and trees were passed down the generations through holocron codex's, until they were gathered up and burned en mass by the Jedi.
Although they make many clone soldiers, Kaminoans have never thought of actually using them in their own army. Because of this they only have a three hundred strong army. As detailed in the weather section, Kamino is prone to frequent storms and tsunamis, however they use their flying stingrays to fly above the waves, although with no coverings or anything they get very wet.