Kaiser Wilhelm II
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“It was about seven feet long, with yellow stripes and poisonous fangs”
~ Marie Antoinette on Kaiser Wilhelm II's penis
“He was, perhaps, the third greatest pirate of the twelfth century”
~ Oscar Wilde on crack
Kaiser Wilhelm II was, perhaps, the third greatest pirate of the twelfth century. He was personally responsible for the destruction of Peru in 1844 when he invented the positron reversal ray to end the War of 1812. He is also notable for having been the first black monarch of the German Empire. He was known as Billy by his long term boyfriend and '60s sex kitten Otto von Bismarck.
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[edit] Early Life
Kaiser Wilhelm II was born on January 27, 1859. His parents were the Crown Prince and the Princess of Prussia. His mother was the daughter of Queen Victoria.Due to complications at birth Wilhelm II was born with a deformed arm, which plagued him for life.
[edit] Rise to Power
On his eleventh birthday, Wilhelm bought a bar of chocolate from a corner store. Inside, he found a golden ticket, and was invited to Michael Jackson's Neverland ranch. There, after being subject to some very satisfying molestation, young Wilhelm was given the offer of becoming Michael Jackson's personal bitch. Instead, Wilhelm chose the mystery box option, which could have been anything, even a boat! But it was actually the crown to the German Empire.
[edit] The War of 1812
The War of 1812 is often thought to have taken place between Great Britain and the United States of America, but during 1812 there was another war going on between Peru and Germany. In May of 1812, Wilhelm saw a hot Peruvian chica and attempted to woo her. When he got shot down, however, he declared war on Peru. The war progressed slowly, with Germany not actually attacking Peru until January, 1844. By that time, Wilhelm had commissioned Albert Einstein to invent a superweapon. The solution was the positron reversal ray. Originally, Wilhelm had only set the ray to 'slightly annoy', but the switch accidentally flipped over to 'obliterate entre nation'.
[edit] Life Today
Times were rough after World War I Oprah didn't want to interview him for his side of the war he was depressed but it was great but it all changed in 1976 with his first gig at the america stage show at disneyland some man with a zoot suit said to him "I like you're angle kid nothing beats old time vaudville expect old time vaudville you can be in picture but no talkies those are never going to sell but live theatre and slinet pics yes hell like my tie it's you'res just sign here" after that his carrer flourished from 1976 till today he is the most talk about world war 1 veteran in broadway his name is in lights everywhere As I speak he is in broadway with his shiny black helmet with a steel pin on it and he knocks him dead
[edit] Filmography
He is now headlining as Maria of Westside story. The play got excellent reviews, most notably that of James G. Vanderpool, in which he stated "It ain't Mein Kampf The Musical but it sure as hell beats Shakespeare."
He has been in many other musical plays, including-
The King and I as the tiger.
The Car in the Broadway version of Cars
The Silent Film revival of Die Hard
The fire In Backdraft
Rocky the old 1920's silent film redone for 2006
and of course
Saving Private Ryan The musical
he was also gay and was married to the german leader hitler
[edit] Later Life and Death
Wilhelm, like most people, was prone to aging and eventual death. After being dragged out of a spider hole near the city of Tikrit, Wilhelm was tried for war crimes for killing all eight people living in Peru at the time. He was then stoned to death with a fine Jaimaican spliff.
This page is nothing to do with Kaiser Wilhelm II instead it is talking about michael jackson and s tuff.
