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“I took out the opposition”
“Comrades, love it! Now!”
~ A KGB Regular on KGB Song

“Knock, knock. Who's there" Ze KGB! KGB who?

[slap] Ve vill ask las preguntas”
~ Dwight Schrute

(This is not to be confused with the old KGB, a branch of the Russian secret service, standing for Kool Gangsta Bitches).

You'll love it. Or else!
Slogan Comrades, love it! Now!
Established 1954
Type(s) Communist Collective
Founder(s) Uncle Joe
Location(s) Everywhere you are at anytime!
Industry Classified
Employees Comrades of Kentuckistan
Produces Capitalist-shaped beef-simulant
Revenue Roughly 888,000,000,000 Russian Rubles ($39,960 USD) per year
Parent Stalin
Official homepage Classified

KGB was a chain of fast food restaurants that originated in Stalinist Russia and has operated since Stalin ordered the Comrades of Kentuckistan to organize into a collective in 1954.

There were many KGB restaurants in the world, from Pyongyang, North Korea to Beijing, China, even so far as Havanna, Cuba. KGB was most well known for the lengths it took to satisfy the costumer, even placing cameras and microphones inside of everything to monitor for people showing the slightest sign of hunger and then quickly "addressing" the problem. Any hint at dissatisfaction by anyone was "handled" by special undercover agents at the KGB Collective Training Headquarters in Siberia. Loyal comrades may not know they are hungry until KGB informs them that they are hungry.

History of KGB

Yir auld Uncle Joe wanted to compete with KFC, which was gaining popularity in the Capitalist lands. He took the last two letters of KFC and took the next letter for F and the previous letter of C. KGB stands for "Komitet Gosudarstvennoy Bezopasnosti" which roughly translates to "Kentucky Grizzled Beef-simulant"or "Kremlin Grilled Burgers". He used beef instead of chicken and grilling it instead of frying it. The secret recipe is only attainable after many years of torture at an old-fashioned Soviet-style Gulag at the KGB Collective Training Headquarters in Siberia.y at The Hague, Netherlands. KGB wasn't available for comment at the time of reporting.

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