Jupiter

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

(Difference between revisions)
Jump to: navigation, search
(The People of Jupiter: Add Sailor Jupiter; add spoiler)
 
(9 intermediate revisions by 5 users not shown)
Line 1: Line 1:
{{whoops|Sailor Jupiter}}
 
 
[[Image:Jupglobe.jpg|thumb|200px|Jupiter]]
 
[[Image:Jupglobe.jpg|thumb|200px|Jupiter]]
 
 
{{Q|Hey Jupiter, nothing's been the same, so are you gay? Are you blue?|[[Tori Amos]]|Jupiter}}
 
{{Q|Hey Jupiter, nothing's been the same, so are you gay? Are you blue?|[[Tori Amos]]|Jupiter}}
  +
'''Jupiter''' is a planet in the outer reaches of the solar system (except on Friday nights, when it dresses up like a little boy and hangs out in [[Oscar Wilde]]'s back seat). It's also where [[girls]], according to the famous poem, go to get more stupiter. Jupiter is also famous for its large fonts.
   
{{Q|It's a bit big.|[[Captain Understatement]]|Jupiter}}
+
==The people of Jupiter==
  +
[[File:Sailor Jupiter Ass.jpg|thumb|left|'''Sailor Jupiter''' is a typical native. Unlike Callisto, her hair color is natural.]]
  +
There have so far been 5 distinct races of [[Intelligent|Intelligent]] life identified on Jupiter. In the mid-western southen tropics dwell a race of [[remarkably large nuns]]. Recent studies taken from the Interglacial Period Studiers have proven that the nuns living on Jupiter have increased in size because of the extra space that is available on the Huge Galactic Planet and due to the fact that they need to counter the extreme gravity exhibited from the planet. The nuns do not communicate with outsiders and though much information has been gathered about them by this research the Communist Space Monkey People's Republic of Northern Mars restrict access to this research and are generally quite snarky about sharing any of it, citing it as "confidential due to the copyright laws of that sector".
   
{{Q|An enormous cock!|drug addict|Jupiter}}
+
Earth sources (mostly comprising information gathered from the ''Event Horizon'' expedition, shortly before Sam Niell went crazy and killed everybody<ref>The reader should already have seen the movie by now. Otherwise, consider this a [[spoiler]].</ref>) can confirm that the planet's skies are "full of flying gorillas", although DNA tests show that these are probably common chimps.
   
{{Q|Stupid. Stupider|Bart Simpson|Jupiter}}
+
The largest percentage of the population however are Vampires and Vampaneze, who live in peace with each other in the southern ice caps. These species are planning a full-scale attack on [[Earth]]. Reports of "snake boy" joining in are unconfirmed. The snake boy is a rouge [[orphan]] who roams the desserts of the eastern continent of Eclair. He can turn people into snakes.
+
{{Reflist}}
'''Jupiter''' is a planet in the outer reaches of the solar system (except on Friday nights, when it dresses up like a little boy and hangs out in [[Oscar Wilde]]'s back seat). It's also where [[girls]] go to get more stupiter. It is also famous for its large fonts.
 
 
==The People of Jupiter==
 
There have so far been 5 distinct races of [[Intelligent|Intelligent]] life identified on Jupiter. In the mid-western southen tropics dwell a race of [[Remarkably large nuns]]. Recent studies taken from the Interglacial Period Studiers have proven that the nuns living on Jupiter have increased in size because of the extra space that is available on the Huge Galactic Planet and due to the fact that they need to counter the extreme gravity exhibited from the planet. The nuns do not communicate with outsiders and though much information has been gathered about them by this research the Communist Space Monkey People's Republic of Northern Mars restrict access to this research and are generally quite snarky about sharing any of it, citing it as "confidential due to the copyright laws of that sector".
 
 
Earth sources (mostly comprised of information gathered from the Event Horizon expedition, shortly before [[Sam Niell]] went crazy and killed everybody) can confirm that the planet's skies are "full of flying gorilla's", although DNA tests show that these are probably common chimps.
 
 
The largest percentage of the population however are Vampires and Vampaneze, who live in peace with eachother in the southern ice caps, however there have been recent reports both cultures are planning on a full scale attack on [[Earth]], led by a "Mr Crepsley". Reports of "snake boy" joining in is likely, however not confirmed. The snake boy is a rouge [[orphan]] who roams the desserts of the eastern continent of Eclair. He reportedly has the power to turn people in snakes.
 
 
{{Q|There is life on Jupiter, and unless we immediately assemble our forces in attack, they will come down to earth and take us over. They are mainly made up of Vampires and Vampaneze, and Mr Crepsley will lead a full scale attack on us, unless we pull our fingers out, and BLOODY DEFEND OURSELVES. The snake boy will also join in. He'll turn everyone into snakes. Forever. Ah. |Random Uncyclopedia editor|The people of Jupiter}}
 
   
 
== History ==
 
== History ==
Soon after the massive fart, approximately 24,000,000 years ago, Jupiter formed from a large gaseous cloud of space matter, most likely [[Jesus]] Juice. Microscopic fragments of biological material floated through space until they reached Jupiter. This bio-material was eaten by a very obese german child who, afterwards, farted in the planet's atmosphere. This fart quickly mutated to form the ancient ancestors of the german race we know today.
+
[[Image:Cloud_20city.jpg|thumb|200px|Cities on Jupiter are suspended atop a stinky cloud.]]
  +
Jupiter formed from a large gaseous cloud of space matter, most likely [[Jesus Juice]]. Microscopic fragments of biological material floated through space until they reached Jupiter. This is termed the [[Fart|Great Fart]], the solar system's small replica of the Big Bang. In honor of this planet-forming event, the capital city of Jupiter was named Fartron.
   
Not too long after what is known as the [[Fart|Great Flatulence of the Almighty fatty-like One]] in german culture, a leader emerged. Her name was Fartron, although she has since changed it to Supergirl and moved to [[Earth]]. This ruler came from an [[Krypton|Krypton]] and quickly conquered all of the fledgling life forms and brought them under her control. The people of Jupiter continued to mutate. After developing sufficient intelligence (approximately seven seconds ago), Fartron ordered a massive construction project. She forced her <s>slaves</s> bestest friends in the whole world to build the great floating cities we know today.
+
==The moons of Jupiter==
  +
[[File:Gingrich.jpg|thumb|left|[[Congress]]man Newt Gingrich disastrously took time off during the 2012 [[U.S. President]]ial campaign to take '''Callisto''' to '''Europa'''.]]
  +
The Jupiter's [[moon]]s are Io, Europa, Ganymede, Callisto and other small [[rock]]s. Some of these have oceans of caustic soda, and are referred to as the Pop Rocks. (The former moon [[Titanic|Titan]] famously sank on its maiden orbit, but as a consolation, it was attached to [[Saturn]].)
   
[[Image:Cloud_20city.jpg|thumb|200px|Jovian floating city]] These floating cities hold about 40,000 Farts and are powered by [[Fartium]]. However, because of the smelly nature of their species, these cities are reported to have the worst stench in existence, even worse than the smell of [[your Mom]]'s cooking.
+
Europa is part of [[Europe#Extraterrestrial Europe|extraterrestrial Europe]]. It applied for membership in the [[European Union]], but the application was rejected as Europa has never been officially recognized as a state. Consequently, when Americans go on a European vacation, they almost never reach Europa.
   
Recently, Fartron has departed from Jupiter and gone to Earth to be with her [[cousin]]/[[love]]r [[Superman]]. Also Jupiter is the home planet for [[ET]]. Jupiter is also the only planet in the solar system capable of playing [[batminton]] and is the greatest planet at playing the sport of crotch potato. It is also widely regarded that Jupiter is rather a [[jovial guy]].
+
Io, along with a strange name, is covered by [[volcano]]s, and that is a female moon. Ganymede is a big moon. Astronomers who are poor at spelling believe that this moon is [[gay]]. Callisto is the big female moon covered by craters and is very old. It is the wife of [[Newt Gingrich]] (pictured).
 
==The moons of Jupiter==
 
The Jupiter's [[moon]]s are Io, Europa, Ganymede, Callisto and other small [[rock]]s ([[Titanic]], also called [[Titan]], is also Saturn's moon). People of Jupiter are sometimes going on Europa, but [[Europan Union]] has got this moon in posses. Io has got a strange name and is covered by [[volcano]]s, and that is a female moon. Ganymede is a big moon, and some people says that he is [[gay]]. But that is not true. Callisto is the big female moon covered by [[crater]]s and is very old. There is also another moon called Doughnut which is bigger than Earth and often crashes into Saturn. This caused the war of the moons where Saturn and Jupiter started hurling moons at each other and its been going on for thousands of years.
 
*[[Io]]
 
*[[Europa]]
 
*[[Titanic]] (that moon is also a moon of [[Saturn]])
 
*[[Callisto]]
 
*[[Ganymede]]
 
*[[Bagels]]
 
*[[Eminem]]
 
*[[The Death Star]]
 
*[[Bilbo Baggins]]
 
*Bon Jovi
 
*Two Bare Buns
 
*[[Doughnut(which is basically the same as bagels but ah well)]]
 
*[[Rob Schneider]]
 
*S/J2000-OV101-SR666 (A moon three feet wide yet considered paramount by [[Astronomy|astronomers]] in keeping the moons from insulting one another.)
 
   
 
==See also==
 
==See also==
*[[Hot Jupiter]] ''or see [[Exoplanet]]s''
+
*[[Exoplanet]]''
*[[Life on Jupiter]]
+
*[[Lost in Space|Jupiter II]]
*[[Sailor Jupiter|Jupiter's Girl]]
 
 
{{planet}}
 
{{planet}}
   

Latest revision as of 16:25, August 7, 2013

Jupglobe

Jupiter

“Hey Jupiter, nothing's been the same, so are you gay? Are you blue?”
~ Tori Amos on Jupiter

Jupiter is a planet in the outer reaches of the solar system (except on Friday nights, when it dresses up like a little boy and hangs out in Oscar Wilde's back seat). It's also where girls, according to the famous poem, go to get more stupiter. Jupiter is also famous for its large fonts.

edit The people of Jupiter

Sailor Jupiter Ass

Sailor Jupiter is a typical native. Unlike Callisto, her hair color is natural.

There have so far been 5 distinct races of Intelligent life identified on Jupiter. In the mid-western southen tropics dwell a race of remarkably large nuns. Recent studies taken from the Interglacial Period Studiers have proven that the nuns living on Jupiter have increased in size because of the extra space that is available on the Huge Galactic Planet and due to the fact that they need to counter the extreme gravity exhibited from the planet. The nuns do not communicate with outsiders and though much information has been gathered about them by this research the Communist Space Monkey People's Republic of Northern Mars restrict access to this research and are generally quite snarky about sharing any of it, citing it as "confidential due to the copyright laws of that sector".

Earth sources (mostly comprising information gathered from the Event Horizon expedition, shortly before Sam Niell went crazy and killed everybody[1]) can confirm that the planet's skies are "full of flying gorillas", although DNA tests show that these are probably common chimps.

The largest percentage of the population however are Vampires and Vampaneze, who live in peace with each other in the southern ice caps. These species are planning a full-scale attack on Earth. Reports of "snake boy" joining in are unconfirmed. The snake boy is a rouge orphan who roams the desserts of the eastern continent of Eclair. He can turn people into snakes.

  1. The reader should already have seen the movie by now. Otherwise, consider this a spoiler.

edit History

Cloud 20city

Cities on Jupiter are suspended atop a stinky cloud.

Jupiter formed from a large gaseous cloud of space matter, most likely Jesus Juice. Microscopic fragments of biological material floated through space until they reached Jupiter. This is termed the Great Fart, the solar system's small replica of the Big Bang. In honor of this planet-forming event, the capital city of Jupiter was named Fartron.

edit The moons of Jupiter

Gingrich

Congressman Newt Gingrich disastrously took time off during the 2012 U.S. Presidential campaign to take Callisto to Europa.

The Jupiter's moons are Io, Europa, Ganymede, Callisto and other small rocks. Some of these have oceans of caustic soda, and are referred to as the Pop Rocks. (The former moon Titan famously sank on its maiden orbit, but as a consolation, it was attached to Saturn.)

Europa is part of extraterrestrial Europe. It applied for membership in the European Union, but the application was rejected as Europa has never been officially recognized as a state. Consequently, when Americans go on a European vacation, they almost never reach Europa.

Io, along with a strange name, is covered by volcanos, and that is a female moon. Ganymede is a big moon. Astronomers who are poor at spelling believe that this moon is gay. Callisto is the big female moon covered by craters and is very old. It is the wife of Newt Gingrich (pictured).

edit See also

   v  d  e
            Planets
Confirmed (Solar System): Sun | Mercury | Venus | Earth (The Moon) | Mars | Jupiter | Saturn | Uranus | Neptune
Confirmed (Extrasolar): Darwin IV | Discworld | Milky Way | Planet of the Apes | Planet Google | Planet Hollywood | Pizza Planet | Dystopia | Techneta | Roseanne
Dwarf planets: Pluto | 2003 UB313 | Jay Leno's Chin | Xanax
Unconfirmed: Garnox | Mantoobia | Unicron
Denied by CIA and IAU: Neopia | MyAnus | YourAnus
In a galaxy far, far away: Alderaan | Coruscant | Tatooine | Kamino | Endor | Naboo | Bespin | Death Star
Members of the Federation: Vulcan | Qo'noS
Invisible Planets:

Personal tools
projects