Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/June 26

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StMasturbusDay

June 26: St. Masturbus' day

  • 4.5 million BC - Morgan Freeman created a planet full of dinausaur and asians from his diarrhea
  • 1 million BC - Cthulhu invents Christmas, when bored.
  • 1856 BC - Black people start writing.
  • 1855 BC - Brown people begin developing a complex society.
  • 1854 BC - Yellow people begin Astronomy.
  • 1853 BC - White people start painting their arses blue.
  • 1087 - St. Clittorus gets really pissed because she was promised to have this day named after herself but totally got screwed over.
  • 1123 - Pope Callistus II declares the saintity of St. Dildo.
  • 1284 - The Pied Piper lures 130 children of Hamelin away. Piping Hot Pies are soon outlawed.
  • 1718 - The Tsar's son suspiciously turns up dead after he is sentenced to death.
  • 1721 - Cthulhu invents Christmas II.
  • 1927 - The Cyclone roller coaster opens on Coney Island
  • 1928 - A cyclone comes to Coney Island and completely destroys it.
  • 1963 - John F. Kennedy gives his famous "Ich bin ein Selbstgeschlechter" speech.
  • 1981 - Tom Cruise brings to life a Giant Tampax, that, in an ironical twist of destiny, would kill him exactly 24 years later.
  • 2005 - Tom Cruise is killed by a Giant Tampax in an ironical twist of fate.
  • 2005 - Richard Whiteley dies after finally unscrambling the conundrum PIANOMENU
  • 2014 - The 'this is today' gag is used for the first time in history.
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