1885 - At a murder trial in France, a roof collapses, killing 30 people, finally ending the vicious cycle of "justice" in France once and for all!
1932 - Current month begins bustin' out all over, ends up leaving a horrible mess. Incident later depicted in the musical Carousel.
1939 - In northern Africa, Adolf Hitler refuses to floss an elephant as a gesture of welcome from a local tribe, as "it could be full of gay". Tribesmen chase him out, and he takes his anger out on Poland soon after.
1987 - (A day later) - Ronald Reagan forgets what the Battle of the Berlin Wall was about.
1987 - Borg attack sector 001 (before Breakfast) reminding Reagan that "resistance is futile". Reagan nukes Borg while shouting "Assimilate this motherflossers!".
1987 - All women's underwear declared illegal in Warsaw Pact nations. NATO, having seen Warsaw Pact women, don't really care.
1987 - World attacked by aliens from Pluto (lunchtime). Pluto declared a non-planet, attack vaporizes as they are not real.
1987 - World Stock Markets crash. Lehman Brothers given ticket for "failure to yield". Markets rebound and begin dating other markets.
1987 - 2,479,802 other major civilization threatening events occur. No one notices due to Communist underwear crisis.
1988 - 1st anniversary of 'A Shitload of Stuff all Happens on the Same Day Day'
2009 - The Kool-Aid Man, finally goes to rehab for his drug addiction.
2010 - Justin Beiber, Taylor Lautner and Robert Pattinson are all found dead after an apparent fight over who got to fuck Kristen Stewart. Kristen's response was "Fuck you, you motherfuckers. Justin Beiber? He ain't even legal. No one's gonna come between me and my man, Robert. Wait, Robert's dead? Oh HELL NO!
2011 - Garden Gnome sexing becomes Olympic sport. Justin Beiber named captain of Canadian and United States teams.