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July 6: Man Milk Day

  • 2300 BCE - Chinese religious officers declared that drinking milk is a sin. Milk drinking increases 300%.
  • 1609 - Bohemia is granted freedom of religion. The Bohemians snap their fingers in approval.
  • 1732 - The 'Running of the Bulls' Festival in Pamplona, originally, 'The Drowning of the Animals Festival', undergoes major overhaul. PETA established.
  • 1946 - George W. Bush born; record numbers of brain death recorded in America. He is fed man milk from day one.
  • 1977 - Idiot starts 'Man Milk Day' and proceeds to schedule lame events (Editor advises they read the article "How To Be Funny And Not Just Stupid").
  • 1978 - Margaret Thatcher blesses the first man to be milked.
  • 1986 - Mike Portnoy founds the band Dream Theater.
  • 1988 - Shemales riot near Rio de Janeiro to obtain the rights for selling their milk to earn a living.
  • 1996 - Mike Portnoy travels back in time to found the band Dream Theater.
  • 2004 - Man milk is found to be an excellent source of energy for athletes. Naturally, using it in this fashion is outlawed by the U.N. under pressure by the Gatorade overlords of the universe.
  • 2005 - Escaped zoo monkeys in the UK set up their own government in Dorset to escape man milk foolishness. Mass migrations into the area severely tax local banana supplies and the sailboat rental business.
  • 2006 - San Seattle Riot kills 6 Caloringtons.