July 2: Canada Day (Canada) (if July 1 falls on a Sunday (which it didn't)), Confusing Parentheses Day
- 1492 - After becoming extremely confused by oceanic parentheses, Christopher Columbus arrives in The New World, believing it to be China.
- 1566 - French astrologer Nostradamus dies. Didn't see that one coming, did ya Nostradamus?
- 1698 - Thomsas Savery patents the first steam engine, designed to mechanically move a horse's legs so as to reduce the amount of effort required to pull a horse-drawn buggy.
- 1882 - Oscar Wilde reaches the height of his celebrity, arriving to the premiere of his play The Importance of Being Earnest in a luxury stretch horsebuggy.
- 1947 - A weather balloon crashes in the desert near Roswell, New Mexico. The Army covers up the loss of the weather balloon by claiming it was an alien spaceship.
- 1962 - The first Wal-Mart opens for business in Rogers, Arkansas. The primitive version of the store offers only guns, confederate flags, and bullets.
- 1996 - Aliens attack the world, destroying New York, Los Angeles, Washington D.C., everywhere else. Bill Pullman, Will Smith survive.