Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/July 18

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July 18: Buy the Ticket, Take the Ride Day

• 216243 B.C. - Cthulhu is invented by Great Old Ones
• circa 10000 B.C. - Ogg the Neanderthal invents the wheel.
• 1453 B.C. - The flushing toilet is invented, 600 years before the invention of toilet paper. Pundits declare it "the invention of the century."
• 1460 B.C. - The toilet seat is invented by a French dude.
• 1450 B.C. - The hole in the toilet seat is invented by some Englishman in New York
• 1 B.C. - Romans decide to use monotonically increasing years for their calendar.
• 15 - Jesus Christ invents the lawnmower.
• 25 - The lawn is invented by the Romans.
• 33 - Romans crucify Jesus in order to solve copyright issues on lawn.
• 64 - Fiddling While Rome Burns (pictured) is invented by Nero.
• 1835 - Bobwire is invented by Bob "Two-thumbs" McGinty.
• 1863 - Matthew Broderick, Denzel Washington, Morgan Freeman and others charge a Confederate fort in what is commonly agreed to be one of the most passionate scenes in cinema history.
• 1887 - The window is invented. Previously, people watched the outside through strategically places wormholes that deflected reality towards the interior of the house.
• 1898 - The wall is invented so windows have something to do.
• 1917 - Russians shoot Nicholas II and then kick him around a bit, then shoot some more before having his head filed off and paraded around the streets for the local children in the neighbourhood to set on fire and beat with bamboo sticks. While that didn't actually happen, he was probably dismissed to Czar Heaven (A pub in England) the night before.
• 1916 - Oscar Wilde invents his way out of a wet paper bag, much to his critics' chagrin.
• 1925 - Adolf Hitler publishes his hit book, Mein Kampf, which is received not at all in the highest literary circles.
• 1969 - Ted Kennedy decides to celebrate his candidacy for the Democratic nomination for president by partying in Chappaquiddick.
• 1971 - Hunter S. Thompson has a rather nasty trip. Buy the Ticket, Take the Ride Day established in honor of this occasion.
• 1987 - The window is reinvented, now with transparency.
• 1987 - Jesus Hilary Christ reborn at a truck stop in Texas.
• 1988 - Certain countries are destroyed to invent the sea.
• 1992 - Bitter argument between Oscar Wilde and Steve Jobs regarding the use of an apple. Resulted in Jobs thumping Wilde over his calling him a fruit salad.
• 1996 - The lamp is invented. The world instantly loves it.
• 1997 - Jesus Hilary Christ dies of hypermorbid obesity in a Texas Burger King and the adjoining KFC. His body is disposed of with dynamite. Texas is disposed of with Burger King. America is mildly traumatised.
• 1999 - Your mom is invented by Bill Gates as a beta Microsoft product.
• 2005 - The invention of the sea is still pending.
• 2006 - The invention of coolness was given to Chuck Norris
• 2016 - Jupiter is invented.
• 2017 - Man walks on Jupiter.
• 2018 A.D. - Scientists discover Jupiter's Great Red Spot is malignant.
• 2028 - Jupiter dies of cancer.