Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/July 14

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July 14: Bastille Day in my pants, National Surrender Day in France

• 1789 - The Bastille is stormed by peasants, ushering in a new era of French military defeats.
• 1790 - The Bastille is rebuilt, this time out of stainless stille.
• 1791 - The Bastille dies.
• 1792 - The Bastille is buried in the Jean Pierre Cemetary, in Paris.
• 1892 - On the centennial of its burial, the Bastille rises from the grave and attacks France. The French people's heightened sense of irony allows them to appreciate it greatly.
• 1900 - Much confusion is caused when a mass surrender festival occurs in Paris, a one legged dwarf with no arms becomes ruler of France
• 1910 - The one legged, no armed dwarf dies after being sat on by bino telephone directory, another mass surrender leads to the telephone directory becoming ruler of France.
• 1911 - The Telephone directory is impeached after it is discovered to actually be a German in disguise, a further frenzy of surrenders leads to Marie Antoinnette becoming President of France, the first French person to hold the post for 3000 years.
• 1913 - After the destruction of the French White Flag Factory, their national security level increased from "run" to "hide", the only two higher levels are "surrender" and "collaborate"
• 1969 - The United States Treasury officially withdraws the 10,000, 5000, and 1000 dollar bills from circulation in order to decrease the average wage of counterfeiters.
• 1985 - Nicolas Blanchet, a highly recognized engineer and policy-maker from the University of Pennsylvania, was born. Before Nicolas started his acadmeic studies at UPenn, he developed a stable modeling career, making him the first engineer/model of his kind.
• 1994 - The kid that is better than chuck norris, yes i said chuck noris, is born. chuck Norris tries to kill him but the attempt failed and Chuck escaped
• 2002 - An assassin attempts to kill French President Jacques Chirac, but is dumbfounded when Chirac surrenders. The assassin's head subsequently explodes, leaving Chirac with only minor injuries.
• 2007 - French weapons sale leads to headline of "2000 Guns for Sale, Never Used, Dropped Once".
• 2112 - The elder race of men assumes control of all planets of the solar federation.