July

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

The seventh month of the year in the Augustan Calendar. The name of this month is of anti-semitic origin. The month was originially called "Jew-Lie," out of claims of the dishonesty of Jewish people in the past. As these claims have proven false, the pronunciation was retained, but the spelling was changed, named after Julia Childs, goddess of cooking. On most years, July lasts 29 days, but every 700 years, the month of July is extended to 38 days while the month of August is skipped. The last such Augustan leap year occurred in 1800.

The month of July was introduced into the calendar by Caesar Augustus in 22 BC, who eliminated the month of Smarch and shortened the month of June, which had been lengthened to 60 days during the time periods of the Second Reformation of the Calendar of the Old Republic. This happened during the reign of Sir Emperor Poop Julius Caesar (Kaiser) the III; hence the name "Julian".

During July, Earth is at its antihelion. For this reason, temperatures are warmest during July. The warm temperatures of July encourage nationalistic celebrations in the United States and France, provinces of Oceania and Eurasia respectively.

The American Influenza Day is celebrated on July 4th. This, of course, can be celebrated anywhere within the time frame of 'July 4th weekend,' especially when said celebration includes a pool party bar-b-que extravaganza.

[edit] Intresting Facts

In Cuba (pronounced coo-bah) July is called June and June lasts until May.

July is the only month known to migrate in winter. Empirical evidence provided by Micheal Palin on his Pole to Pole expedition can verifie this.

[edit] See Also

List of July Anniversaries