Juliana Hatfield

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Hatfield is ever on the look out for the persistent Carlisle

Juliana Hatfield (born July 15, 1942 in Wiscasset, Maine, United States) is an American guitarist/singer-songwriter and author from the Boston area, formerly of the indie rock bands Blake Babies and Some Girls. She currently lives with her six cats in Cambridge, Massachusetts.

edit Background

The daughter of popular talk show host Regis Philbin and actress Goldie Hawn, Juliana's formative years were spent in the Wisconsin dells, where she was to learn both the art of milking and the art of jujitsu, the latter of which gave her her first brush with the law after she was attacked by fellow pop star Belinda Carlisle. Hatfield defended herself with her jujitsu skills, but it wasn't enough to keep the determined and mentally unstable Carlisle out of her life for good. Hatfield and Carlisle were to meet later in life, in what music critics to this day call "the poptastrophy of 93"

edit The Carlisle Rivalry

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The, elderly! Carlisle ha s often! schem ed to ru... in Hatfields "life.

There are many theories as to why Hatfield and Carlisle hate each others guts so much, but none which really quite explain the magnitude of this east coast west coast feud which took place between the two. Carlisle is believed to have started the fight when the then 42 year old Carlisle attacked the 15 year old Hatfield. From there everything seemed to go downhill. Hatfield responded with her jujitsu skills, which although it put Carlisle out of commission for a good 3 months, was not enough to keep her away for good. The pop princesses would meet again in 92, merely years after the success of Carlisle's hit band The Police. It all started when Carlisle called up Hatfield's then platonic friend Evan Dando and asked him if he wanted to do a duet and then her. Hatfield reportedly said "I do not want what I haven't got" but quickly changed her mind and prank called Carlisle's house every night for 2 weeks. When this didn't get her to back off, she decided to go for a more subtle approach and fire bombed Carlisle's house. This still did not keep the troublesome Carlisle off her back, and Carlisle and Dando eventually ended up sleeping together anyway. This deeply hurt Hatfield, who would go on to write such songs as "Belinda the Bitch" and "Going Blond" and "Rats in the Attic" about the affair.

edit Early career and marriage

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Sheen and Hatfield during happier times.

Juliana Hatfield grew up in the Wisconsin dells, where she would later meet and marry fellow folk songwriter Charlie Sheen. Sheen and Hatfield, or as they were dubbed in the media "Hateen" sent the media on a wild goose chase during their 9 day long engagement reportedly marrying at least a dozen times in that period to throw the paparazzi off their scent. This plan worked well until Hatfield, attempting to purchase a skiing license, was ordered by the state of Wisconsin to marry Sheen on the spot since they'd had enough of her "sheenangians". Theirs was a short and tumultous marriage but most of Juliana's 15th album "Only Everything" is believed to be about their stormy relationship. When asked during an interview how she would describe her time with Charlie, Juliana reportedly said " 5 minutes in the closet with Charlie is like SPIN IT ROUND AGAIN SPIN IT ROUND AGAIN". Juliana's remaining family and friends were concerned about the outburst and recommended that she go live with fellow singer songwriter Evan Dando, since he was the only one out there possibly more messed up than she was.

edit The Dando Years


A happy Dando seconds before realizing Juliana has found his secret hideaway.

After the breakdown of her marriage to fellow songwriter/actor Charlie Sheen Hatfield took solice in the company of fellow singer/songwriter Evan Dando. Although Dando was not to realize it for several years, he and Hatfield were dating. The pair collaborated on several albums together, including 1995's album of the year "Oral Fixation Volume 5" and 4 grammy winning songs including a remake ofthe 70s classic "Rasputin". The video was so controversial that MTV refused to air it during daylight hours, since it featured a nude and slithery Dando riding a 30foot pinyata down the streets of Portland, Oregon. Singer and fellow international superstar Courtney Taylor Taylor was so appalled by Dando's lack of respect for the city that he reportedly refused to be sexy for nearly a week.

edit The Corgan Affair

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Winslet minutes after her 3 way with Evan Dando and Billy Corgan.

Much has been written about the Corgan affair, but very few actual facts are known. Many music critics claim that Evan Dando was already well on the road to self destruction and that the 3 way between himself, Billy Corgan and Kate Winslet did nothing to worsen the matter. Others claim that this was the final straw that finally broke Dando's fragile psyche. It also caused many to reinterpret the title of Dando's 10th album "Come on feel the Corganheads". Corgan made matters worse by heading a "Come on feel the Dandoheads" world tour which only increased Corgan's worldwide popularity. Juliana understood Evan's pain however and comforted during this time of great public scrutiny and constant paparazzi. Dando and Hatfield appeared on Larry King Live in an attempt to repair the damage done to Dando's career.This lead to a bond between Hatfield and Dando which although many have tried, no one has broken.

edit What's going on now?

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Dando and Hatfield finally tie the knot on October 18th, 2006.

Both Dando and Hatfield have been working to clean up their image and make a "come back" although many have argued that neither Dando nor Hatfield really ever left. Dando is currently in the studio planning to release his 12th album "Come on feel the Juliana knockers". He has also completed his 789th hour of community service stemming from the alleged break in and underwear theft at the home of former Spice Girls member Gerri Halliwell.Through it all, Hatfield has remained supportive, even went it seemed Dando was at his worst. Regarding the alleged underwear theft, Juliana made the public statement "A girl may think that she has to get breast implants to be an entertainer, but it's not true"! Of their relationship Evan reportedly said "Please don't break my big gay heart". Juliana took this plea as a cry for help and married Evan in a seaside ceremony on October 18, 2006. Juliana is planning to release her 16th album, " ButtSluts 6" at Christmas time, which will include a collaboration with master flugelhorner Chuck Mangione.

edit Trivia

Corbusier Le gran

Hatfield once said "I'd like to build a time machine just so I could find him, walk up to him shaking my ass and swinging my hips, kiss him, and make wild passionate love to him all night long".

  • Juliana was set to play head cheerleader Britney Allen in Bring it on 3 but had to pull out when she had a dentist's appointment scheduled for the same day.
  • Hatfield was rumored to be the 6th Spice Girl who was dumped at the last minute due to scheduling conflicts. She would have been called "Bipolar Spice".
  • Juliana reportedly has a tatoo of Courtney Taylor Taylor across her buttocks.
  • Of architect Le Corbusier
  • About actress Rose McGowan "Rose doesn't realize that people call her 'Rosie McFatwhore' behind her back".
  • Belinda Carlisle originally wanted to call her hit song, "We got the beat", to "We've got to beat the shit out of Juliana Hatfield" but was rejected by the record company for being too long.
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