Julian Simmons

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“But nnooooowwwwww on the UTV...”
~ Julian Simmons when introducing shows
Scary Julian UTV

Julian showing the viewers his very annoying introductions on UTV.

Sir Julian Simmons MBE OBE CBE DL (born 20 February 1952) is a British or Irish television icon, who is best known to being one of the most hated figure in Norn Iron (just behind Ian Paisley) because of his very annoying introductions into shows on Unionist Television (or UTV) usually into crappy shows such as Coronation Street.

edit Julian's story

Julian was originally born near a well in Kent in England to Jack and Jill Simmons. A few months later, he along with his parents moved to the dump known as Northern Ireland where Julian grew up in poverty in Belfast and his parents had to steal to live. He was once caught trying to steal oranges from the local Orange Lodge and tried unsuccessfully to take hostage of a local fish and chip shop, where he demanded a truckload of chips for himself.

Julian eventually joined the television channel, Unionist Television in 1977, where his first job was being the teaboy, where he ate all biscuits. He later became a newsreader for the channel, but this did not last as Julian could not fit into the seat at the news desk.

Then in 1992, Julian became an on-screen announcer as he was able to still stand unaided, despite weighing 37 stone. Julian also went on to host his own shows on the station such as the entertainment show UTV from Behind where Julian surprises people from behind and the travel show Cum Fly with Julian and an archive show called, where he travels to places (such as Cork) to annoy the people there. Since then, Julian continued to use his time as an on-screen announcer to make people punch their own television screens.

However in 2016, UTV was forced to drop Julian from doing his very annoying introductions after CrapAda EyeTeevee plc (who owns the majority of ITV) took over UTV and hated seeing Julian's face on the screen. They decided that Julian will be forced to only do voice over introductions, so we will never have to see his face again on the TV.

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Julian Simmons.

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