Julia Tyler

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Revision as of 20:33, January 18, 2011 by Loopygrumpkins (talk | contribs)

Jump to: navigation, search

Julia Gardinier Tyler (May 4, 1820 - July 10, 1889) is most notable as the second wife of President John Tyler, First Lady of the United Sates of America from 1844 to 1845, and first lady of the Confederate States of America from 1861 until 1862. After her husband's presidency ended, she and John Tyler became zombie hunters.

Early Days

Julia Gardinier was born on her parent's private island in New York in 1820. As a girl she got everything she wanted and led a generally happy life. While attending a modest social gathering of industrialists, senators, and other politicians in Washington D.C. in 1842, Julia met President John Tyler. Tyler, being a simple man, became completely infatuated with Julia. He poisoned his wife, Letitia Tyler, and secretly married Julia two hours before Letitia's funeral.

Short Term as First Lady

As First Lady, Julia convinced her already racist husband to make even more racist laws. The people of the United States were very glad when John and Julia Tyler left the White House in 1845.

Zombie Hunter

Lindsay caught in the act
Julia Tyler after killing a zombie horde.

On October 31, 1847, John Tyler discovered that his arch-nemesis, William Henry Harrison, had become a zombie. This sent him into a state of rage and he swore to kill Harrison, permanently. Julia helped John kill zombies at the cost of becoming a very ruff, rugged woman. Between the years 1847 and 1861, John and Julia Tyler killed more than 2,000 zombies, but they never killed William Henry Harrison.

First lady of Confederacy

In 1861, John Tyler became the president of the Confederate States of America. Julia Tyler, being rugged and uncivilized fit right in with the southerners. After John Tyler was assassinated by Abraham Lincoln, Julia joined the southern military, leading the anti-undead brigade. This brigade didn't see much action in the United States, but did see quite a bit of action in Nunavut, Canada where an army of anti-slavery zombies was assembling. The Confederates defeated the zombies in 1867 and returned to the CSA only to find that the war had been lost two years before.

Going Solo

Fearing imprisonment for the murder of already dead people, Julia fled to Mexico where she fought zombies by herself. There Julia fought the Undead Legions of Latin America throughout the 1870s. Julia remained fairly quiet throughout the 1880s, occasionally tracking down zombies and killing them, but the fires of brutality seemed to have been put out in her. In 1887, this changed. Julia began to hate zombies more than ever. Not only did Julia kill hostile, evil zombies, but she also killed friendly, civilized zombies.

Cletus
Julia in her later days.

Over the next year, Julia wiped out almost all of the zombies on planet Earth. By July 1889, there were only a handful of zombies left (this included Zombie William Henry Harrison and Zombie John Adams) on Earth and they were all in the same place: ZOMBIE ISLAND, Japan. On July 10, 1889, Julia Tyler infiltrated ZOMBIE ISLAND and had almost killed three quarters of the zombies when she tripped on a small pebble and the zombies descended on her. They proceeded to eat her brain and throw her body into the ocean. The zombies, including William Henry Harrison and John Adams, left ZOMBIE ISLAND (now called Tokyo) and spread across the world. The zombies would not rise up to large numbers again until the early 21st century. Julia's body was found three weeks later by a Japanese Whaling ship. After being to Nagasaki, Julia's body was identified as the body of Julia Tyler by an American history teacher who happened to be on vacation. However, by the time the body reached Nagasaki, it was missing one leg. Five days later, many Japanese people became zombie haters after eating at a sushi restaurant.

Personal tools
projects