From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Fancy a tropical tang to liven up a cold work's day? How about bringing a little burst of sunshine into the otherwise-meaningless drudgery you call a life? Family passed away or kids getting a little on the skinny side? Maybe you're just stuck in a rut waiting for the final solution to all your problems that nice man with the moustache promised you the other week. But it doesn't matter, my friend, it doesn't matter.
Why does it not matter, you ask, raising your tear-stained beard from the floor? Surely these trials and tribulations are too depressing for you to merely carry on... alone!
Fear not, my friend, fear not. Whenever your life is hard, Jew Juice will show you the way.
edit What Is Jew Juice?
A Juice which gives you strength, wisdom and enlarges your certain part. You can drink it day and night, 6 days a week (not on the holy sabbath and on high holidays). Main modern day substitutes include red wine, manischewitz, and grape juice
edit Which Flavours Do You Produce?
Now there, my friend, you're in luck! Our enterprises produce a variety of delicious flavours, all under a wide range of catchy and appealing names and made from concentrate.
edit Apple and Blackcurrent Smelly now
Looking for a sweet, healthy flavour to kick some energy and life back into your day? Apple and Blackcurrent Smelly now is just the drink for you. Guaranteed to contain at least two of your five daily portions of fruit, this drink packs a powerful punch and will energise even the laziest mid-morning slacker.
edit Berry Brown
Going for a more fruity tang? Berry Brown's subtle notes of wild flavours combine to make this a trip your tastebuds will never forget.
edit Cherry GarciaA development of our popular Berry Brown line, Cherry Garcia blends strong seasonal cherries with the delicious taste of fruits of the forest. Not recommended for those new to our drinks, this tiny bottle hides a strong tonic that is not for the faint-hearted.
edit Strawberry Didor
Soft and playful, Strawberry didor dances delightfully across the mouth, exciting areas of the tongue you never even knew existed. Prepare to have your ideas of what strawberry tastes like obliterated as we bring your understanding of flavour to a whole new level.
edit Tropical Republicana
For the fun-lover in you, Tropical Republicana combines subtle notes of grapefruit and banana with a strong pineapple tang, taking your mouth on a whirlwind tour of the Caribbean. Pack your sunshades as we take you far, far away into a sunny world where scantily-clad women cater to your every whim.
edit Which Other Products Do You Produce?
Exhausted our line of drinks? Forced more Berry Belzec down your throat than it can handle? Never fear. Now you can slake your hunger with a bite of our Kristallnacht Krunch or Bogdanovka Battenberg, or, if you're feeling extravagant, fight off your impending sugar crash with a few Majdanek Munchies.
No matter how you're feeling, you can't go wrong with Jew Juice!