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“I'm Detective Dan.”
Joshua Cannot Find Server IV -- better known as Josh Server -- (April 11, 1979 - June 12, 2008) was a Jewish-born American actor, comedian, Greek God of Kids Show Longevity, and the true inventor of the Internet. He is best known for his work on the television series, All That, which ran on Nickelodeon for six years before the original cast celebrated their 40th birthdays and ultimately left; the original writers also departed. The show went completely downhill when Nickelodeon and Dan Schneider assembled a brand new cast of eight-year-olds and new, untalented writers. The show was finally put out of its misery in 2005 due to "crappy writing," Server said in January, 2006.
Server has won rave reviews for his acting and computer skills, and his MySpace page looks nerdier than Tom's MySpace. Josh continues to act on a web TV show on his MySpace, but he mostly focuses on computers and technology and has-beenism, and the occasional Star Trek marathon on TV Land.
edit Early life
Joshua Cannot Find Server IV was born in 1979, although it is speculated that he was born years earlier, as his aging fluctuates: One day he looks 15; the next day he looks 30; the third day he looks 42. Sometimes, he even looks like George W. Bush. Server confirmed in 1998 that he once suffered from such an age disorder, but "I've been cured for over 40 years... Er, I mean 15 years."
Another one of Server's abnormalities at birth was his unusually large ears.
Josh Server lived a pretty boring life until his fifth birthday when he saw a new movie entitled Revenge of the Nerds. "I knew from that moment on," Server said, "that I wanted to be a nerd when I grew up. Look at me now, it worked!"
However, evidence proved that Server aspired to be a nerd long before he ever laid eyes on the Robert Carradine-Curtis Armstrong cult classic. In fact, he started wearing glasses and playing Dungeons and Dragons before he was even potty-trained.
Server started working with computers at age six and began developing what would become the Internet. "People thought I was crazy, but one man believed in me. He helped me bring my creation to life... and then took all the credit for it." That man is now-former Vice President Al Gore, but we'll cover him later in this article.
After graduating high school in 1982 at the age of three, Josh Server, who skipped a few grades and (at the time) suffered from a rare age disorder similar to Jack, lost interest in nerdy things, removed his glasses, got LASIK, and became addicted to the Next Big Thing at the time... Nickelodeon.
edit Early jobs
Josh Server's first job, ironically, was as a server at a fancy French restaurant called Alfredo's at age 15. He needed the money while he invented a concoction to help him reduce his ears to normal size. He accidentally spilled the liquid into a batch of French dip sauce, which a customer consumed and died. Server was immediately fired.
While he was creating a new formula to cure his abnormality, he took a job as a fry cook at a fast-food restaurant called Good Burger. The job lasted longer that the previous one, and Server was able to normalize his ears. However, he quit after an incident in which the lobster-suit-wearing fry cook was attacked by a cashier named Ed, who thought Server was actually a giant lobster.
After suffering amnesia from said incident, Server went on to become a notoriously idiotic detective, calling himself, "Detective Dan." Josh would wear a trench coat, dawn a fake mustache, arrest innocent people, and remove his pants for no apparent reason. He even let a butler steal the latter's boss's jewelry. After he was arrested for public insanity, Server returned home, still suffering amnesia.
One day in 1991, Josh relentlessly pursued an ice cream truck whose driver refused to acknowledge him. Server was attacked by dogs, had his clothes torn to shreds, suffered broken teeth, and got all oily and greasy in the process. When he went to pay the ice cream man, he discovered he had forgotten his money. The driver then punched Josh severely in the forehead, knocking him unconscious. The young man gained his memory, and had no recollection of ever being a detective nor ever chasing an ice cream truck.
edit All That
Josh Server also began experimenting with sketch comedy by the time he was 13. Then his comedic talents paid off when he auditioned for Nickelodeon's All That, which made Server a household name, next to Kenan and Kel and future castmember Amanda Bynes.
Server's most famous characters from the show included Earboy, White Urkel, Jimmy Bond, Kurt Cobain, This Guy, Don Knotts, John Candy on the Atkins Diet, and a woman named Tandy Spork. Viewers thought Server was so convincing as Tandy Spork that they believed she was played by an actual woman.
Server's powerful performances earned him rave reviews in everything from Time Magazine to Playboy to Fangoria to Guitar World. Critics praised him as "the next Jimmy Stewart!" In fact, when Server won the best supporting actor Oscar in 1998 for his dramatic role in John Carpenter's Good Burger, he personally thanked Mr. Stewart for, "making people recognize my work as an actor and as well as an artist."
After six long seasons, Josh Server's heart was no longer into performing, and he was also disgruntled at the fact that Al Gore had claimed to have invented the Internet. Once this came to his attention, he left All That in 2000 and filed a $4 billion lawsuit against Gore, who was in the middle of the 2000 presidential election.
edit Josh Server sues Al Gore
Server v. Gore was a landmark court case for Internet-related cases. In 2000, Server claimed that he had invented the Internet, hence "internet servers." Gore fired back saying, "That is pure idiotic garbage! I invented the Internet. I invented the Universe." Since Gore obviously did not invent the Universe, Judge Reinhold found in favor of Server and rewarded Gore's patent to the former All That castmember. Gore was sentenced to live the rest of his life in obscurity listening to "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" every day for the rest of his life, except on occasions in which he is allowed to speak out against global warming.
“Isn't it obvious that my name is on so many broken web sites with error messages? Cannot Find Server. I'm the only server on the Internet.”
edit All That reunion
Josh Server is now happily married and continues to work with computers and the Internet, but says he still misses All That. In 2005, Server reunited with Kenan & Kel and Danny Tamberelli for the All That 10th Anniversary Reunion Special, which became the most watch television special ever, beating out O.J. Simpson's Yes, I Did It! Are You Happy Now??? Server says today that he is up to any future All That reunions, "so long as those eight-year-olds aren't part of it."
edit 2007 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction
Server was surprisingly inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame on March 12, 2007. He did not attend the induction ceremony; neither did most of Van Halen. The induction came as a surprise to Server, who is not a musician. Then, on March 15, 2007 it was revealed on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno's Chin that it was legendary singer-songwriter Joshua B. Server, whose hits include "I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General," "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida," and "We Don't Like Fat People," who was being nominated for induction; neither Server made the ballot. The younger Server rode on his renewed popularity and the possibility of being inducted by actually recording and releasing an album entitled, Playing with Fire, which would become the most maligned audio recording in music history, next to Mariah Carey's Glitter, Paris Hilton's Paris, and Kevin Federline's The Transformed Man. The album peaked at number 65 on the charts and the album's lone single, The Jay-Z-produced "I'm Earboy, Bitch!" failed to chart.
edit 2008 presidential election
On March 22, 2007, Joshua Cannot Find Server IV, announced that he would be running for president as a Democrat. To date, he is the youngest person in U.S. history to ever do so since John F. Kennedy. The first of what was to be several ads aired the following Monday, November 26, 2007, during American Idol and then re-aired Thursday, November 29, during Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? Since then, no other ads have aired and Server's commitment to the race was oft-speculated.
“Danny Tamberelli wouldn't give me the $20 I needed! That jerk! Kenan and Kel won't return my calls. Then I dropped out when I heard that Stephen Colbert was running. Then when he dropped out, I was like, Dammit! It's too late into the race to re-run. It might be because I look too much like Bush. Or it might be because I don't stand a chance against Zordon, who already has a bunch of supporters.”
Server tried to contact Lorne Michaels to see if Kenan Thompson, who is currently employed on Michaels' Saturday Night Live sketch-comedy show, would be interested in running in Server's place. "Lorne Michaels told me to stop calling. Then when he finally talked to Kenan, Lorne called back to tell me that Kenan told me to lock myself in my bedroom while watching a marathon of Uwe Boll movies. I guess the answer is no."
Though not Canadian, the Jewish Server planned to overthrow Canada and end the oppressive rule of Canadian dictator Colin Mochrie. "It's terrible what those innocent people have been subjected to," he told CNN in a recent interview.
Server died when Ross Perot hunted him down and killed him.
edit Josh & Wainwright
Wainwright, one of Josh's best friends throughout his life, playes a major role as Josh's gay lover.
edit Special Talents
- Josh claimed to have invented the talking dog
- Josh fathered scores of illegitimate children across the Americas and Malaysia.
- Josh learned to bend spoons with his mind on a pilgrimage to Mecca, Saudi Arabia.
- He could sing the entire Dark Side of the Moon album in Klingon
- Josh was capable of getting crappy articles up to VFH status. What he does is he makes the articles funny instead of just stupid
- Josh Server was the longest-serving cast member in All That's ten-year history, serving six of the show's ten seasons
- Is capable of being forgotten by the general public, except by those who remember "that dude on All That with the big ears."
edit Googling Josh Server
Of course, you can always search for Josh Server on Google or Yahoo!, unless you're too lazy. But hey, just remember that Josh Server invented the Internet for the sole purpose of seeing how many people would Google his name. Unfortunately, these days Josh is trumped in Google hits by Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, The Mobile, Alabama, leprechaun, and porn.